this gonna be one of those threads where I come off as a horrible person sighs

Two of my grandparents have birthdays this upcoming week. They are both up there in age and dealing with illness. I was planning to go and visit them on my off days but my depression has been working overtime these past few days to the point where I don’t want to anymore. I don’t even want to call tbh but I know I will end up doing so

I feel very guilty over this. I always have anxiety about them dying unexpectedly and I feel lots of guilt over the fact that I’m not at a place in life where I can help them out, support and see them frequently. They both live on the opposite sides of town from me and my car is in bad condition. And in general, I never have anything positive to tell either of them about my life or at least, not anything they’d be interested in hearing about. My interactions with them frequently leave me feeling more depressed but I’m not the one who’s old and getting up there so that s*** makes me feel like I’m being hella selfish.

While I had my grandparents in mind specifically when making this thread, this is really how I feel about my entire family. Can anyone relate to this? Or am I just an awful person?

"And in general, I never have anything positive to tell either of them about my life or at least, not anything they’d be interested in hearing about."

Don't be rude with you.

¿Què?

cant u just go visit them real quick? like a ten minute visit each? if u rly have anxiety over your grandparents dying suddenly and mixing that with being too depressed to visit/call them, well that’s a recipe for emotional disaster my friend and you should head that off at the pass

If the question is should I go see my grandparents the answer is usually yes 😌

Youre not being selfish but the mindset is self-absorbed which comes from depression but also serves it so just makes things worse. Think outside yourself. Older people really cherish company of others so just think about how you can brighten their day and try not to focus on your life in that moment.

If life aint s***, its s***ty things aint s*** either

Just remember one day you won't get to make the choice to go visit them or not fam

Take it while you can

I could never keep it limited to 10 mins, that comes off as rude

yes I can still go visit them but the problem is the feeling won’t go away. I hate being this uncomfortable around people I love

I just don’t get why my presence brightens their day. I have nothing positive going on and no good news to share. but you’re right and those thoughts could just be my depression talking

I find putting their cocks in my mouth usually works quite well. Best of luck, OP

You're going into this interaction with the preconceived notion that you're wasting your time, but I promise you they cherish all the time they have because they can see the end of the tunnel for them (well, metaphorically speaking). I feel your agony, but just think of the pleasure you'll bring them by just being there for THEM. Look outside yourself just for a sec. And find out what they like, lean into that. You have no idea how that'll brighten their day.

Tell them everything

I’m gonna try to keep this perspective in mind, thank you 🙏🏽

i was pretty much in the same position, my gma died tho fml

Just go to see them, they'll appreciate the fact that you made the effort to go over more than the actual conversation. Think about it, when they tell people about it they say things like "Warren peace came over to visit" not "Warren peace came over and we discussed the situation in Ukraine"

Old people LOVE talking and just being shown a lil bit of attention. Old strangers strike up conversations with me all the time. My grandma just rambles on sometimes, she'll still be talking after everyone else has already left the room You don't need to be an engaging and interesting conversationalist with old people

the only advice i can give is don’t be hard on yourself

kinda in a similar situation where i’m back home and my grandmother and little brother are staying at home most days

feel bad because i feel like i should be giving them more of my attention and time but it’s hard

i got mad obvious self harm scars (some of them are pretty deep) so it’s draining talking to family sometimes just off the strength of the guilt i’m feeling

i been taking it day by day and just try to be present with them as much as i can

some days i’m not the ideal or best grandson/older brother

but they love me regardless and knowing that family loves you no matter what, is key

if u can afford the little bit of energy you have inside you to go tho… do it! no worries stressing yourself out if u can’t

it brightens their day cause they love you kid

that’s it

You should keep one in your hand as well, so you can't reply with such useless, unfunny garbage. Work on yourself.

Are they open minded about mental health? If you would talk to them about it would they be understanding?

Literally just showing up is usually enough for them. On top of that, maybe tell them what they wanna hear or make the convo about them

Don’t

My grandparents was dead before I was even born, be grateful you ever even met them and can continue to do so.

op posts itt make me so f***ing mad. f*** you buddy i hope you feel better soon

OP keep in mind that your company is valued to them and regardless of your mental state, dont think of this time as an anxious moment of things that can go wrong but a window of opportunity to share some moments