Nah, 99% of the time i want to avoid fighting, it’s just annoying. But can’t live like a b**** all the time this is taking a toll on my mental. If i keep letting people walk over me it’ll subconsciously affect other aspects of my life

Kindly stepping aside is the true gigachad "bigger man" move

The dude who thinks he just showed his masculinity and superiority in not stepping aside has his head wrapped in 17 layers of anxiety and social posturing.

Me? I'm just vibing.

Idk maybe it’s a bit of both, idk how to express myself properly but i guess i feel like i’m not getting the respect i deserve and it’s going to affect how i live life and if i’ll ever get to the point i want to be in

Do some work in this area then. Take up journaling as a way to examine your self, look up shadow work, spend some time off the internet just letting your mind slow down and unwind free from externals and really look inward and create your plan. Worrying so much about how others perceive you serves you no purpose at all.

Maybe use this scenario of two people approaching and one needing to move as a microcosm of your life. If you expand it it could be a metaphor for a greater theme in your life, and you just find yourself fixating on this small scenario when really you're missing the forest for the trees.

Maybe in your personal life you find yourself not standing up for yourself, or advocating for yourself, or you feel unheard. Enact some change there. But let this scenario hit you like how water hits a ducks back. It just beads up, and rolls off into the lake.

Human dominance games 🤷🏽‍♂️ We just animals at da end of the day

Don’t think about it too hard tho breh

I actually worked on this in therapy quite a bit. I'm a heavy-set 6'0 dude and have always had an instinct of feeling "too big" in a crowd. I always move out of the way and try to make sure I'm not in front of someone shorter at concerts, and I even take alternate routes if I end up coincidentally being on the same path as another person because I don't want them to feel like I'm following them.

There's pros and cons. Nothing wrong with being conscientious, but it can verge into self-deprecation quickly; I always used to find myself wanting to leave a room at a party because "girls want a good looking guy here, not a f***ing ogre like you" and s*** like that. I'm past that thought process, but it's worth examining what the root of the behavior is. Is it out of conscientiousness? If so, that's fine. Is it out of some kind of self-judgment? If so, that might be worth examining.

my fellow black folks don’t have this problem

I don't usually step aside, I usually meet in the middle with the person and we both slip by

Thank you, you always show up with some real ass advice, idk if it’ll help but i genuinely appreciate it Plants

Hey no problem I like to try and help when I think I can.

I think i kinda see myself in this tbh, i’m def too self conscientious at times. How did you overcome that?

No

What if you’re walking and you can see you guys are going to collide? You try to slip by or would you just clash with dude

How

in that case we'll typically both just turn and slide by, a good chunk of people just wait for me though, but there's also times where I might step aside

it's complicating, also could depend on who got into a hallway first, like when you're driving you let the other person go if they were going in that direction first

lots of variables

Really just practicing self-acceptance. And not in a narcissistic "I have no flaws" kind of way, but reminding yourself that you are worth your space and being kind to yourself.

What's clicked for me is imagining what I say to myself or think about myself as something being said to a friend or loved one of mine and how angry I'd be. We often hold ourselves to an unrealistic standard because we see every part of ourselves, good and bad.

So to return to your initial question: it's both valid to be the bigger person and step out of the way sometimes, but I think it's worth examining why you equate that with respect or lack thereof. Why do you need another person's respect in a scenario like that? Is it truly respect? Isn't it better to respect yourself and the fact that you're willing to move aside at times? Yeah, it's a tiny interaction, but it's those sorts of examinations that have helped me quite a bit.

They'll move

In NYC we walk straight and then when we meet each other it’s basically a sideways slip through and we both keep moving

Only time I’ll actually move out the way and let someone pass is if they carrying something or have a stroller or some s***

bruh I’m 5’7 and I be making people move lmao u gotta have big d*** energy f*** that nice s***. if they bump into me and we got a problem then we got a problem but everyone moves out the way tho for the most part. i love confrontations anyway

Thanks for writing this man, i’m gonna work on being nicer to myself

You ready to fight one day if you do happen to bump into someone?

Re: showing yourself kindness — It never ends and I mean this in a joyful way. I feel like one can never hit a wall going inward. In a way it reminds me of a quote from a famous cyclist who said "it doesn't get easier, you just go faster".

I sure as s*** ain't a spiritual guru or anything, but I been working on myself for years n years u kno, and being kind to myself has been one of the hardest habits to form. U prolly say s*** to yourself u would never say to anyone else lol, I know I did and still do l.

Anyway, all that rambling to say at the top of my weekly habit/task tracker I have a section for miscellaneous tasks that week and one of them is to show myself kindness lol

✌️