This has been a long time coming but I'm gonna have to bounce from this internet s*** for a little while.

My health has gone to absolute s***, physical and mental, this past month. I've been dealing with chest pain, stomach issues and reflux for the better part of a year and it's been getting worse...I had a chest x-ray the other day because I'm terrified I have cancer, but came back clean, which is good, but it's not an answer. I have an appointment next month to set up more tests and appointments. I'm thankful I have insurance. Some mfs would just have to live with it.

On top of that, I'm sleeping 3-4 hours a night lately, I keep forgetting things, I'm crying a lot more than usual, going backwards in my therapy, everything feels like it's falling apart even though nothing bad has happened to me personally. The wife and I both got big raises, we're balling tbh, my kid is in good health, so are my parents and friends. But God I'm really losing it.

The delta variant s*** is a big problem for me, if I'm being honest. I got my hopes up too quickly and the last few weeks have brought me back down to earth. Nothing seems to work; no matter what we throw at it, we're back at square one. I'm going to a concert next week and I'm like 80% sure I'm going to catch covid there, but I can't not live my life. I can't let fear control me. I'm just incredibly disappointed that we're back to this point. S***, in a way it's like nothing changed.

Honestly I feel the same way I did when the pandemic started, straight up hopeless and empty. Social media and message boards had a lot to do with that then and now. 24/7 fear cycle, people pitted against each other over common sense s*** that should be bipartisan, a lot of garbage info and conjecture. Twitter, Facebook and Reddit are all trash. It's pretty much impossible to find any decent content on there because people circlejerk negativity and controversy.

You can't improve yourself hanging around with negative people I need to get off this site before I start contributing to it.

KTT, I love y'all, but it's been a hellscape around here this week Music sxn is unreadable because of the redundant DaBaby threads, politics sxn just underscores how screwed we are and how little can be done about it, Kanye sxn was a blast for a second but now it's obvious there's only a .0001% chance Donda drops. Tbh I think a lot of us who have been here for years could use a break, but the cycle of content and dopamine rushes from our notifications lighting up makes it tough to break

Anyway, just want to assure everyone I'm not leaving to go blast myself. I'm depressed but not like that. And there's time for me to recover. I work a kind of rotating schedule so I have a couple weeks off starting Saturday, plus my mom is coming to visit. I have my family and friends and a novel I'm writing. If I spend all that downtime on KTT2, I wasted it.

Guess if there's any last thing I want to say, it's to be kind to yourselves. You won't have anything to give others if there's nothing in there. Try to love other people too, even when they're s***. Though we live in a time marked by anonymity and bots, your words do matter and can hurt other people. I think we learned that this week. As much as it can be written off as posturing or whatever, it's OK to care about things and even hurt over them. That doesn't make you weak, it brings you closer to who you really are.

Anyway, I'm out. Might come back if Donda drops to see what's up, but otherwise it might be a few months or a year. I need to learn to live without KTT because I've been leaning on it too hard for too long.

I love y'all, I really do. Thanks for a fun 8 years. God bless.

niggas who type up this much s*** before leaving ktt aint leavin, seen this s*** too many times

see you back in a week

Damn op,what a real ass post.
Hopefully you'll get better,and we can't wait to have you back,one of the rare great posters.

not gonna read it all but wish but wish you the best

GL @op hope everything comes clean with ur tests and enjoy the concert

I feel you, internet right now is just too toxic and unhealthy. Everywhere you go, you're surrounded with negativity, animosity, drama and people just being mad for stupid reasons. S*** looks like a battleground.

Everybody is mad at something, everyone is trying to cancel or expose someone, even the chill places i used to visit are now plagued with real life politics and drama. I only use this internet s*** now to listen to music, read books and watch films. I try to avoid as much i can all the f*** s*** happening on social medias.

You gotta do what you gotta do nephew. I find myself thinking about s*** I never would’ve though about normally, all because I’ve been working from home for the last year now almost.

Can’t dress up, put cologne on, interact with people, etc. S*** don’t feel natural to me bro.

Unironically wish you the best.

For my own mental health I’m not finna read all that tho

Hope you recover well @op. I wish you and your family the best. Have a blast next week at the Ye concert, I'm sure you'll not catch COVID.
Don't worry, Donda out August 6th.

you'll be back

goodluck tho

@Noir do what you gotta do to get better fam, see you soon.

Cool.

Good luck bro

Sorry man you are going through this, I hope the best for you because you are actually one of the realest posters on here I really respect no cap 🙏🏾🙏🏾

Translation: Website is annoying right now, so I'm a dip and come back when everything dies down.

Peace 🙏 I’m in a similar boat. Very aimless right now

need

Become strong my friend

best of luck

good luck homie

good luck @op one of the realest users on here

Take care. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. Everything's gonna be alright

I could honestly use this too.

When you say internet though does that include YouTube? I find it nice to actually view things I'm interested in but won't lie it's been a pacifier for whenever I'm bored and I'll end up spending hours just watching videos