I'll try keep this brief..

A guy I know committed suicide this past week.

We were close as kids, our mothers were best friends, they worked together, we were born a few months a part he visited me in the hospital when I was born.
As we grew up we grew apart.
We'd always have time for one another when we met on a night out or at a game but that happened less and less as the years went by.

I've been trying to think back and honestly I think the last time I spoke to him was 2 year ago around Christmas, we had a great catch up.

He shot himself a couple of days ago.
His funeral was on Thursday.
I can't imagine what his family is going through..

His death has affected me, I guess it's affected me more than I thought it would, but at the same time I never thought I'd be attending his funeral.

His mother hugged me at the grave and I could tell every memory of the two of us just flooded back to her like they did for me.

He was probably my first friend but we hadn't been close in a long time.

I just find I can't escape it, I'm busy at work and then it just hits me.
Or the thought of his dad finding him, his mother getting the phone call..

I think others can tell I'm not my normal self, that something is up..
Part of me doesn't want to tell them because I don't want sympathy, I don't really deserve it, I mean his young brother and sister lost their big brother.

I feel like it's not really my place to say, like I was too far removed from his life and this happening that I shouldn't be going around talking about it.
I should probably just get on with it..

But part of me feels like I should explain what's been up with me..

I told my other job (college internship) that I was at a funeral so I'd be away from work and I got a 'sorry for your loss' & 'my condolences', they seem misplaced when said to me..

I don't know.
Should I just keep it under wraps?

you are just as justified to grief as anyone else that knew him op

nah don’t keep those feelings in

you loved him, that was really one of your good friends

nobody got a monopoly on grief

this is a good step op prada u

Unfortunate.
Blessings man.

I’m sorry friend. It’s really hard for a lot of people out here and sometimes this is the best way they think is to resolve the issue. The mind is a powerful thing

I’m sorry this happened.

Check up on your loved ones

Hope you are okay OP, condolences

Don’t beat yourself up about not being in touch recently. You know you loved your friend & that’s enough to justify your grief.