I've had these friends for multiple years, as I knew one of them since high school. Admittedly, I've lately found myself struggling to enjoy my time hanging out around them, not to say they're bad people, but I gain no value or new experiences from them. Shallow conversations, or if they attempt to be helpful, they only sprout the usual, generic advice that I've heard a million times. One of them straight up comes off as a man-child, who didn't exhibit any signs of growth and constantly whines about why people act such and such, when in reality he treats them like dirt, especially with women. This same guy made fun of my looks couple of times, ended up impacting my self-esteem despite everyone else telling me I look good or whatever. His hangouts are on his own time, and throws a hissy fit whenever we decline, regardless of the reason.

Reason I'm writing this out and asking others the same question is I've been making strides with my career as of the past couple weeks, not to mention meeting new people who seem more to my speed. Cherry on top is I'm getting to know this wonderful woman who appears to be very interested, something that hasn't happened in a long time.

Eventually looking to pull the plug, but it's extremely difficult for me to completely detach from someone with a feeling of guilt. Overall, I'm curious as to what y'alls experience in regard to moving on from long-time friends.

Its good to have an open conversation with them before calling it off. You might still disagree about some things or whatever but unless they’re absolutely toxic, your friendship is probably worth it. From what youve said your friend sounds like a very insecure person. I know some people like that whose insecurities manifest by pushing others away without knowing it. I dont know you or your friend but i think it would be worth having a chat about

time is the most valuable thing so why waste it on ppl u dont like being around

Thing is many people I've known called him out on his behaviors or attempted to help him, it just appears that he's not willing to budge. We reconnected a year ago hoping he changed from the past and even gave him several chances since then, at this point I'm considering on giving up.

Grew apart from all of my so called friends after going to uni.

feel the same way with one of my homies. i just saw him last week after months of no contact. and i didn’t really miss it. he sounds like a carbon copy of your friend. always needs to get his way, starting arguments for no reason etc. the thing is, we used a to be a friend group of 4 really close friends. almost like brothers, you could say. we hung out every single day for probably 5-6 years. then last year one of us cut us all off. he called me in private and explained to me exactly how we are feeling right now. i guess he was onto something. anyways, i still talk to the friend who cut us off, but it’s more of an acquaintance thing now. i’m thinking of shifting my current friendship with the other guys there as well. i wish them nothing but the best, but my time is limited and i can’t seem to find anything that keeps us together like it used to. sometimes we just have to move on, no hard feelings 🤷🏽‍♂️

Life's too short for all that bullshit tbh, even several people I've known throughout the years cut the guy off I was talking about in OP. Has a bad reputation of randomly flacking on others, getting at other people's girls, and ultimately doesn't add anything into my life. I'm planning on going ghosting all together, and don't feel like explaining because I could already tell he won't be able to handle criticism.

Hilarious thinking about this because an old buddy of mine cut me off in the past, only for me to turn around and do this to someone else, within a good reason though.

nah I love my brothers

yes we are in our late 20s and a couple of them are lowkey reaching bum status but it would say a lot about me if I were to give up on them

I might not see then everyday like the good ole days but I make the effort to catch them for thursday wings every few weeks or whatever. That being said in your case OP it seems like some of these guys aren’t treating you right so fair enough if you have to distance yourself. Just know it’s much harder to make solid friends after 30

why must your long-time friends be valuable or provide novelty? long term companionship seems to me to be a worthy end in itself, especially in our current social climate. i have some things i definitely dislike about my long-time pals, but without them, i'd be way more alone, and we have some great times :)

in my baby 22 y/o opinion, keep them unless they're actively making your life worse in some way.

I haven't talked to my best friend since lockdown started for no other reason than we have nothing in common anymore. I share a hobby with his brothers and talk with them more now

It sounds like you might need some time away from them, or to limit it if it’s having detrimental effects

On the topic of the thread title Yes I have grown away from friends (not in the same way as you), but I look at them more like family now than friends, I wouldn’t stop seeing family because I like different things or whatever, I’m sure there is some things you can still talk about and connect on even if it’s not the things it used to be or whatever you’re into now

More like they grew away from me

Yea but mostly cause they started dating wack woman

Not yet, my closest group of friends we are all mid 20s right now. I can’t really see us drifting apart atleast the closest 4 of us, but I know in the next couple of year we will probably have to shift how much time we are able to spend together due to responsibility/relationships/children eventually, so I try to make the most of this time still

Yeah, they were holding me back. Now I can ruin my life in peace!

Thing is this guy mainly likes to only drink, smoke, and mess around with woman while probably using me to boost his ego and make fun of someone. I'll acknowledge that he provided me with some good experiences last summer, like hiking, going to the beach, etc. but ultimately I have to ask myself, is it worth the mental agony he brings?

I feel exhausted, even sometimes miserable after hanging out with this guy. A true friend doesn't bring that feelings towards me, and has mutual respect.

Kinda I mean we aren't sharing as many interests yea

You should and don't take the moments you spend with them for granted. Let me tell you, even if you manage to stick around, there's a chance they'll move on as priorities shift later in life. As a result, try to minimize the feeling of bitterness and instead acknowledge that people change.

Kinda yeah i dont see my friends as much as i used to, but its always great when i do though

Friends??? Tf?

At this point I've accepted that I'd rather be alone more often and focus on what's truly more important instead of spending time with someone that deteriorates my self-esteem.

Lately made the effort to reach out to people I've known in the past and even met completely new people through different avenues, whether it be dance socials or mutual friends. I'm already focused into my career most of the time and don't have the time/energy to stick around a person that doesn't bring any value.

Op just turned 20. Don't worry bro you find new friends to develop life long meaningful relationships

Sadly yes