criticism please, mix wise, lyricism, production wise, give me the s***

soundcloud.com/user-7097531/death-beat-1

damn. pretty long...not gonna lie

The progression of the instrumental is aight but it's not very gripping. if you're going for hiphop. you missed the mark imo.

there's a portion in there where you hit some "current" kendrick flows.

the kick drum weak, etc. there are a lot of other criticisms that I have, but I gotta eat breakfast today.

Overall, it's alright as your first song for me. hella ambitious though.

low key just keep it up. I would say you are making progress with the synths/sound design. you just gotta keep listening to your favorite music and try to emulate the melodies/sound beds.

Ambitious, as Ygor said

Your voice has presence and clarity. Work on keeping in time with the beat, and mixing your vocals.

Beat is meh. There are points where the different instruments dont sit well with eachother (e.x. The beginning). Imo the beat and the vocals should usually work with eachother and not against eachother.

Still overall good. You take to the mic with a passion. Keep working and youll hit your stride

thanks so much for your time, your main problem with the beat is that it isn't distinct enough right? like the kick sort of blends in with the rest of the instrumental? looking to make the drums more apparent on this track

as for the beat progression, i was going for something very alternative rap like, it's supposed to be the intro to an album so i want it to have some serious progression, i'll have to think as to why it didn't grip you... lack of a catchy melody to hold it together you think? or beat holding it back?

thanks again for your input, means a lot

had a terrible relationship with my vocals, been trying to get them right for a long time, thanks for your input, i realise im a lil off beat at the start, was thinking about rerecording that section, recorded it after like 5 years or so of not touching a mic lmao