rvi

5y

plenty still were

rvi

5y

lets not act like miss you is some sort of career highlight or anything tho

internet buddy

5y

“What’s the matter with you, boy?”

internet buddy

5y

I've been walking Central Park
Singin' after dark
People think I'm crazy
Stumbling on my feet
Shuffling through the street
Asking people, "What's the matter with you, boy?"

I figured the reference would miss you

Atlienz

5y

Electro Convulsive Therapy...it gives you a seizure, doctors still don't know how it fully works (they have some ideas and theories) and the results are different for everybody as is the side effect of memory loss which can be little to none for some patient or very prominent for another.

Don't really wanna go into too much detail what for cause it's a long story, but when I was 15 I got depressed and my mother who was quite mentally unstable gave me prozac. S*** was actually working but I felt uncomfortable with it because I knew she shouldn't be giving me that stuff without a doctor's consent. Worst mistake of my life. Went to a doctor and he put me on a different anitdepressant and right away I started to get anxiety (never had before in my life, butterfles sure but not the real thing).

Basically from there the "doctor" didn't know what to do and he kept switching me to a different antidressant (my mom even took me to another doctor and she put me on something) and I kept getting more and more anxious, all of this happening within about a 2 month span. One day I woke up and everything was literally different...it's like my state of mind/consciousness changed. Basically it was a nasty reaction that changed my life and I've kind of been in the same state since. Lots of anxiety, depression, muscle tension but at the end of the day...doctors don't know exactly what happened to me. Been trying to find out for ten years but it's basically undiagnosable, I can explain what and how I'm feeling but no one will ever actually get it unless they swapped minds with me. The one a***ogy I always go back to though, just to give a little bit of info, is that that reaction made me super self aware ALL THE TIME...it's almost like my brain is stuck, like a cog is stuck which is keeping it from "running" as it should. Over the years it had gotten a bit better but there's a lot to it like I already said But last year I made actual progress for the first time and then took a headfirst dive down a rabbit hole based on past trauma and ocd so I'm basically in the worst spot I've ever been.

Luckily I'm in good care and know everything I need to know to move forward. Now I just need to do it....and am hoping ECT can help that process of getting me back in the right direction. Like I said I'll update y'all and thanks so much for the love guys really appreciate it

rvi

5y

lets not act like miss you is some sort of career highlight or anything tho

Very Based

5y

jesus dude... sounds like Dissociating/Derealization (not trying to diagnosis you I'm sure what you have is it's own thing completely) ssri's are lifesaving for some but for others they can be awful. If you ever need help with the OCD thing lmk. I have one of the best OCD specialists in the country and can point you in the right direction if yours gets out of control.
good luck, you've been through a lot brother

Fella

5y

Y’all were right that new BCNR is total Fidelio core

rvi

5y

its lowkey giving me some Tindersticks vibes actually i wonder if @Elric would like it

Fella

5y

Totally. Similar mood. Vocally too.

rvi

5y

its lowkey giving me some Tindersticks vibes actually i wonder if @Elric would like it

Elric

5y

Tried to find it but couldn't

Atlienz

5y

Electro Convulsive Therapy...it gives you a seizure, doctors still don't know how it fully works (they have some ideas and theories) and the results are different for everybody as is the side effect of memory loss which can be little to none for some patient or very prominent for another.

Don't really wanna go into too much detail what for cause it's a long story, but when I was 15 I got depressed and my mother who was quite mentally unstable gave me prozac. S*** was actually working but I felt uncomfortable with it because I knew she shouldn't be giving me that stuff without a doctor's consent. Worst mistake of my life. Went to a doctor and he put me on a different anitdepressant and right away I started to get anxiety (never had before in my life, butterfles sure but not the real thing).

Basically from there the "doctor" didn't know what to do and he kept switching me to a different antidressant (my mom even took me to another doctor and she put me on something) and I kept getting more and more anxious, all of this happening within about a 2 month span. One day I woke up and everything was literally different...it's like my state of mind/consciousness changed. Basically it was a nasty reaction that changed my life and I've kind of been in the same state since. Lots of anxiety, depression, muscle tension but at the end of the day...doctors don't know exactly what happened to me. Been trying to find out for ten years but it's basically undiagnosable, I can explain what and how I'm feeling but no one will ever actually get it unless they swapped minds with me. The one a***ogy I always go back to though, just to give a little bit of info, is that that reaction made me super self aware ALL THE TIME...it's almost like my brain is stuck, like a cog is stuck which is keeping it from "running" as it should. Over the years it had gotten a bit better but there's a lot to it like I already said But last year I made actual progress for the first time and then took a headfirst dive down a rabbit hole based on past trauma and ocd so I'm basically in the worst spot I've ever been.

Luckily I'm in good care and know everything I need to know to move forward. Now I just need to do it....and am hoping ECT can help that process of getting me back in the right direction. Like I said I'll update y'all and thanks so much for the love guys really appreciate it

Very Based

5y

lmaoo he actually removed the charli xcx lyrics