the whole blonde album in one night of rounds
i had the female in a whole mood that night

(1/2) Disclaimer: This thread is not gonna get you some ass by itself. You gotta do most of the work, but Channel Orange will up your pimp game 200%. Real pimps and heartbreakers only. B**** niggas need not apply. Sperdoj can skip this one on principle. OP is not responsible for any pregnancies, broken d***s or ended relationships.

Okay, so as most of you know, the baby makin album of 2012 came out a couple of days ago. This upcoming weekend is the first Channel Orange weekend of the summer. A lot of yall are gonna try and pull some Channel Orange s*** on ya girl this weekend, and this guide is being made to help yall pull this off flawlessly. Unless you were at f***in age when D'Angelo's "Voodoo" came out, this is some of yall's first real love making album experience. This album is a refreshing break from all the derogatory SPIT ON MY D*** B**** albums that we've been f***ing to recently. This is not a concrete guide; this is merely a good starting place. At the end of the day, trust your instincts.

To put it plainly, this is a making love album. This ain’t a f***ing album. If you tryin to slap hams hardcore and be on some nigga s***, pop Futuresex-Lovesounds back in. This one is for the smooth niggas.

Frank Ocean constructed this album for the players. I’m gonna take you through the album and let you know where you should be by the time each track comes on.

1. Okay, so you got homegirl over at the crib. Yall just came back from a fancy ass steak dinner at Denny’s which you had to take a s*** after but you don’t wanna s*** in your bathroom because you know she’s eventually gonna go in there and you don’t wanna lay down work in there so you use your roommate bathroom. Candles lit, pop open a bottle of Andre, and turn on that motha f***in Ocean.

2. When “Thinkin about you” comes on, she’s gonna know what’s up. No words are necessary for this one. Let Frank spit the game for you. Follow his instructions. Make your move when he hit that first high note. Be like, "You wanna know what I'm thinkin bout?" and she gonna be like "What" and then just go in there don't even answer the b**** with words son that's gonna get that b**** wet as the Great Lakes.

3. Get into the makin out/undressing phase. Someone should be getting domed up by “Sweet Life.” This is imperative to the timing of this album. When you hear Sweet Life, make sure someone’s lips are on some gentials. Either her or you. Don’t matter. For all you new niggas, you might have to eat some p**** first in order to get this thing rollin. For all my experienced niggas who could get some dome from the Queen of England in the wintertime just because they game that tight, you already know how to proceed.

(2/2)

4. Don’t be that nigga that makes your girl dome you up for like 45 minutes and her jaw hurtin n s***. Unless she got that super dome, you probably not gonna nut off this dome. Just let it be, it's okay. This is sensual night, not real nigga night. Switch it up by Super Rich Kids. Be nice.

5. PYRAMIDS. This is when you get to the pipe laying. Don’t try and do everything at once. This album gives you plenty of time to lay down work. Pyramids has a good stroke rhythm to it. Go with it. She gonna be moanin and yellin and goin on but don’t say s***. Let Frank speak for you. You can’t out sexy Frank at this point.

6. Someone should nut at Bad Religion. It’s just the perfect nut song. It’s probably gonna be you, but if you a real pipe layer, make it her. If she hasn’t gotten hers by now she just a stone cold b**** or your stroke ain’t right. If she ain’t half dead by Bad Religion you need to fix your game.

7. Everything post-Bad Religion is for all you 2 nut niggas (young niggas). I ain’t impressin nobody. I’m getting mine and laying down. For all the old niggas, everything post Bad Religion is cuddle s***. Listen to Forrest Gump and be like “awww Frank just want some bootyhole but he cant aww” and say something about how supportive you are of Frank and the LGBT movement and yo girl gonna think you all sensitive n s*** (unless you got a Republican joint. Then just skip that one. But hell if you got a Republican joint she probably wasn’t feeling Frank from the start and probably wanted to f*** to some Kenny Chesney or some s*** anyway, so that’s your L to take homeboy.)

THIS IS FOOLPROOF.

edit: One last step by recommendation of the homie 4AugustusCole. The next day after yall done swapped sweat, hit her with the Thinkin bout you facebook comment.

-----classic thread from r/hiphopheads :PP
reddit.com/r/hiphopheads/comments/wdspq/the_phds_official_channel_orange_pimp_guide

what the f*** did u just post

Rt

wtf is going on on reddit

imagine actually typing that up

omg

if you never f***ed your girl to facebook story you never been in love

Nature Feels has been my s***jam for a minute

Better question is what Frank songs HAVEN'T you f***ed to?

Pink Matter.

Sierra Leone is my favorite.

(idk how to embed on here yet)

edit: i did

Facebook story

I lost my virginity to Channel Orange. Yes, I lasted the entirety of the album.

this

yeah blonde when that came out

RAF