I'm frustrated constantly because I can't seem to sit down and focus on things in my life that have historically brought me happiness because of this multiple year long depressive episode I'm facing.

It usually goes away but ever since I dropped out of school and went to work full time, the cloud hasn't passed. I'm not sad or suicidal none of that. Just unmotivated and can't find any "spark" outside of jerking off and eating.

Similarly, I've had a long time to think about some past traumas so I can be better in my new relationship and every time I try to put the pieces together it's like my memory is patchy- It feels like approaching a cliff's edge, peeking over to see the bottomless expanse, then running away only to struggle back up the hill hitting the same bumps en route.

Idk I barely feel anything bro.

I take it day by day and I keep it moving, as I head closer to inevitably burning out.

Go see a therapist it helps to unpack all of that just building up.

As far as the motivation part, just remember there’s never gonna be a perfect time and/or you can’t rely on motivation to achieve the life you want. Because you’re not gonna be motivation to do things 24/7. That’s okay but extended time without self improvement isn’t. Only time and continuously working on yourself (self reflection, therapy, self care) however that looks and trying to be intentional with how you walk thru life and interact with ppl can help pull you out.

But there’s no time limit so take it at ur own pace, and remember dark days every now and then isn’t a lack of progress.

Hope you get better

Even if it isn’t a therapist, but a professional is good. Definitely have someone you feel comfortable unpacking with op, seriously