i feel like im getting so much better than some s*** comes outta nowhere and completely diverts my course.

im just not having fun in this life

i think i've been slowly developing agoraphobia over quarantine. like i literally don't want to go outside because every single thing causes me to get this really bad existential anxiousness. i think it's time to get help tbh

finally had my first therapy session today. S*** IS LIT. I wish it was longer than an hour but theres time. Def a good first impression

Would def recommend it to people based on my first impressions

Life is misery tbh

Current mood

When those big depression spells hit, they HIT

God i f***ing hate the feeling of being replaced. Had something of a breakdown yesterday so I'm gonna try Prozac again and talk to my therapist today

I think i need an anciety med. too ashamed to go to the doctor tho :​

I'm f***ed idgaf about anything anymore. I've accepted that I'm a degenerate scumbag that happen to like d**** and I could never date seriously I'll be whoring the rest of my life. I've tried to improve and be better for years and it's done absolutely nothing for me but made me miserable. I'm just gonna work make my money smoke dope and f*** w****s until I die f*** it. It's not like I'm a bad person im not out here hurting people some people that fake this good person act are more pirates than me I'll just tell it to your face I won't hide it like them. When I die cant nobody talk Ill about me I ain't never f***ed anybody on some hoe s*** if I f***ed you you f***ed up at some point and I'll do it again.

You ain't lying

You do and you don't. I rely on anxiety meds because I rather take a X**** than be miserable. But I don't do that s*** everyday those d**** have rebound effects there a bandaid one part of the equation. Sometimes things are so f***ing bad that f*** it idgaf I need that X****. Other times I can power thru the pain. Anxiety meds should be used as needed and they should be put behind a glass case on some break in emergency type s***. X**** is honestly too good of a d*** if I could do that s*** everyday without paying consequences I definitely would.

just save yourself some time and don't fall in love with someone.

saves you a lot of time & a lot of heartbreak.

Or just fall in love every other weekend with a different b****. But honestly I feel this my last relationship was so bad I don't think I could ever date seriously again.

not about that life.

just would love to have the one, but i don't deserve it i guess.

So you don't want to fall in love and you refuse to casually date? What are you gonna do become a monk.

In theory if I could find this perfect girl id marry her too. You say you don't deserve that relationship and tbh I don't either but its because I'm reckless I do d**** nobody wants to be with someone who is unhinged and unpredictable. I don't blame them for it.

So I've come to the conclusion that I'll be whoring forever.

i want to find love, yes.

however, i rather not be hurt more.

hooking up doesn't provide any satisfaction for me at all.

Just give it some time. Love is pain. I dont gain s*** from f***ing hoes either. There like d**** to me just another substance I try to fill the void with.

At the end of the day I'm a man I have needs I crave affection and the touch of a woman and since I'm not capable of maintaining healthy relationships I resort to f***ing randoms I probably just met.

If my needs go unfulfilled for a long time I do dumb s*** like f*** fat hoes or ugly hoes. F*** buddies are my best option right now

Been really f***in depressed the last week or 2

I’m so f***in tempted to go grab a liquor bottle to numb the pain

Taking deep breathes right now to try and calm myself down.

Currently eating some double stuffed Oreos instead of the liquor lol

You got more will power than me b I been drowning in alcohol shout out to you

you ain't alone in this fam