Not sure what to make of that but put yourself first for a while because it could definitely turn out the way you don't want it to, which happens a damn lot in life. Make this into a win-win situation. Focus on your happiness and using your time in isolation to improve, if she comes back great, if not it will hurt less since you didn't get your hopes too high and you'll realise you made yourself happy in the meantime

well yeah she just told right now she doesnt want a relationship. idk how someone can change so much, idk how she can not want me after everything. i dont recognize her. idk what will happen in the future, if she will be with me or not, but amt i feel lifeless and i am going to kill myself sooner than later

Sorry to hear that bro. You can only ponder on her decision but it's untimately pointless. You can only go up from here; please don't kill yourself, i'm sure the feeling is strong in such a situation, as I said before i''ve been in an identical situation, plus it's extra hard for you in quarantine, but with time and refocusing the pain into other things you will look back on this as a life lesson, which you will think is crazy in your current mindset, but you'll later realise how nothing can tear you down as long as you're still breathing.

You just have to go through it yourself like I did to understand what i'm gettin at. Ending your life isn't worth some girl, who for all we know might not even be leaving you because she's depressed, some other s*** could have popped up, maybe she's seeing someone else etc just a possibility, but whatever the reason is, it's over, so it's time to let yourself let the pain out, at your own pace, then when you're ready come back 10x stronger

she doesnt have other, she never had a bf, shes virgin, familiar type, doesnt go out, and told me many times she doesnt have other. So idk whats the reason why she fall out of love after 3 years when she was always super clingy, caring, lovely, chasing me all the time, etc. I am lifeless, I refuse to belive this is the end and that she wont me with me in the future, but i cant do anything else anymore. I will stop texting her, but i cant live like this. she was not just a girlfriend, we planned to marry and all. I dont understand anthing.

Any hypochondriacs in this bit?

Sup

If you love me so much then whyd you let me goooooooo

How u pullin thru everytime you feel a pain or weird sensation? Deadass cant help but think its some type of serious illness due to my past.

i honestly just try to ignore it, ignorance is bliss

not the best way to go about it cause if its something serious then im f***ing myself

I think that's the problem with me, I look up a lot of symptoms and I feel trapped thinking I have something.

yeah i do that every now and then and f*** myself up looking at it, best to build some self control to not look s*** up.

doesnt help right now that coronavirus is going around and sometimes i think i have the symptoms just cause im having a panic attack or something

starting to get to myself again

every night lol

f***in people doubting me and s*** man

i was having a cool ass few months and things were cool and this bullshit had to happen of course now i’m doomed for life 🤬

the one thing i’d like to have agency on is chasing my dreams, thanks.

It’s been so long since I’ve just fallen asleep. I’ve been passing out every night off something for years.

I’ve been a shell of my former self for a long ever since the only girl I’ve ever truly loved just tossed me away like nothing I’ve literally become a shadow of myself, there was a time where I was open, talkative and friendly now I’m quiet and a loser, it’s been like for almost a year but everyday I can’t get back to it, idk what to do anymore I want to get back how I was or even a better version of me and but I don’t even know how to get there I genuinely feel like I have no one in my life as everyone in my life has a s/o and I don’t wanna bother them with my problems as itll be annoying for them

been good for a min but still lonely

You’re never lonely man hmu if you ever need to talk

thanks man but i need some physical affection too
if it gets bad I’ll be in here again

Yeah I feel that, keep your head up high quarantine will be over soon

3 1/2 months into ssri’s and my mood is a lot more stable, less random mood swings, a lot less panicky, less agitation, and a significant drop in depressive episodes and physical symptoms of generalised anxiety

I have to get myself in order now that I have the ability to

I can’t help but feel that I’m waiting on too many things to fix me, and I’m running out of time