Dont really agree but what i will say is that a lot of people on social media seem to just label arrogance as “self love” and use the concept as validation for them to spend all day going “im amazing, im beautiful, im the best”

I think wat OP is trying to articulate is that the societal standards have become so high that reaching a state of self-actualization has become overwhelmingly difficult for the average person. He’s also trying to say that given that we live in a capitalist social environment, the possession of material things has become inseparable from the attainment of social status cues that would facilitate the achievement of this so-called self love.

I would say that a person needs to develop levels of maturity, self-sufficiency & prudence to realize that extrinsic rewards will not achieve self-love & find the merit in their being from within. I found the best way to do so is to find a craft & be really good at it. The feelings of grandeur u get from this small confined space will give u the self-esteem boost to perceive ur value & impose it on others

However, I am against OPs central idea that relationships should be built on self-love. If a person is yet to find the merits to achieve self-love, it’s be p difficult for said person to avoid things such as jeoulsy, possessiveness & insecurity. So yes, self-acceptance (not self-love) is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship

/Synopsis

OP is a straight up idiot and most of the suggestions people make to "loving oneself" have nothing to do with getting a job or "working yourself to the bone". Usually its moreso about finding something you enjoy, joining a club, working out, travel, etc.

And what is really any different from Tinder vs. going out to a club and taking home a girl? I guess you save more money from Tinder, so thanks Tinder!

❗

If you don’t say that to you who else will

Self-love and self-acceptance are completely separate from capitalism and consumer culture.

You've drawn a parallel that doesn't exist.

Being intimate with others won't help you be happy with yourself. You can have many relationships, romantic and platonic, and still be unhappy with your self and attempt to fix yourself with consumption.

Being happy with your self-state, your progress, and who you are and the decisions you make is key to freeing yourself from being brainwashed into believing that a luxury can bring you happiness.

All one needs is a place to sleep and food to eat. Once ones needs are met everything else is relatively immaterial.

You're kind of on to something OP, community (especially a tight-knit one) is important, but you can't be content in a community if you hate yourself.

I’m all for self confidence and have no problem with someone being happy in themselves both mentally and physical.

But posting multiple pics on IG every day all with captions about how hot u r and how amazing u r is not “self love” it’s just boring showy arrogance imo

it's not some conspiracy bro. If you don't love yourself or have any self worth, relationship will most def. be more difficult.

People with low self esteem may use a relationship as a crutch, and use it to feel better about themselves. Face value that sounds fine, but the purpose of a relationship is NOT to rely on someone else to make you feel good about yourself.

Let's say this relationship ends; That s*** has potential to really f*** the person up more. Now not only do they hate themselves, but they lost that emotional crutch to lean on. They'll be in an even worse spot.

It's not a bunch of hocus pocus mumbo jumbo. I've seen the s*** happen first hand with numerous people.

that s*** is performative
it's for the persons external image and not for their internal soul

Youve expressed it much better than i could 😂😂 exactly this.

The key should really be the “self” bit, as u said this is done for the benefit of others

I remember being 19 b

this is lowkey true

they werent depressed and posting on forums

Damn I actually sorta do agree w you but at the same time you can commercialize both the self-relation and the social-relation, so I don’t think either are really actually a ‘lie.’ It’s good to find balance

I always hated the statement “if you don’t love yourself how do you expect someone else too”. Some things you can’t forgive yourself for, only someone else can. Love is forgiving each other for who you are

Love accepting someone despite them being deeply flawed, as we all are

tl;dr "capitalism is anything i don't like"

There’s a quote from Chesterton that reminds of this “To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”

I think confuse the exorbitant hedonism with “capitalism” , which is the byproduct of capitalism and lack of moral compass

The term is definitely being thrown around too much these days.

@Wahi

stopped reading when i realized OP was equating self love with buying yourself s***