Only way to get more comfortable socializing with people is to go out there and socialize with people. And we stop at the first awkward convo, or one that went nowhere, the first rejection, etc. Because it's so easy to feel like "fuck, that's what happens when I come out of my shell. I just suck at doing this." Its really easy to let those moments get to you. But in reality those kinda moments happen to everybody even "social butterflies". However charismatic someone is they're not gonna hit it off with everybody in the room. Don't take it personally, you gotta let it roll off your back. Almost like playing basketball, if you miss a shot you don't start doubting yourself, you just move on to next play and shoot again. The problem is getting thhe initial push to get in that zone. For a lot of us it's too much, either you can't bring yourself to take that leap of faith, or you retreat at the first disappointment. For me that initial push usually comes out of a feeling that I have nothing to lose anyway, then what keeps me going is either organic or "fake it till you make it" confidence. And when I did really try, I got results. Socially anxious people we usually just expect or people come to us, but from my experience the best and longest lasting relationships I've had were the ones where I initially went up to them. You've definitely done that too, everybody has we just forget and we doubt ourselves, why anybody would want to get to know us. But people will. Don't get in the way of yourself by bashing yourself or overthinking. You have nothing to lose anyway. It's never gonna go that bad and even if it does you get over it faster than you think. You're gonna make it 💯💯💯💯

It’s just reps bro thé more you talk to people the better you get at it

Yessir. Just like anything else it's practice.

the problem with most social anxious people is they tend to stay in their heads a lot. i’ve noticed more introverted people being more socially anxious than extroverted folks.

besides that point, I feel like one day you just gotta come to a realization that all of “this” will end and just do you. stay quiet and don’t speak or speak. realize that most people have short attention spans and can barely even remember what they did yesterday.

"Most people don't pay attention to you" is something that's very hard to grasp. I catch myself being self conscious af sometimes only to remember "man wtf why do I care"

I’ve got a tip for you @op because I used to struggle with social anxiety too

I too would try to rationally talk myself out of my social anxiety. This can help, but it’s only a surface solution. There is a deeper problem. And it requires a deeper solution

Right now you’ve got this story that sits beneath your conscious mind. This story is something like “I’m inherently bad at socializing. I’m a fraud. I don’t belong. I’m different. Everyone can tell. I fear I am irreparably damaged somehow”

And beneath that story is another story that is something like “if I fail at socializing I am worthless”

You might not have these exact stories, but you probably have something similar. Otherwise why would it be such a big deal to you? Plenty of people know they’re socially awkward and just keep it moving. The fact it upsets you so much that you have social issues means you have a story that tightly conflates your social abilities with your value as a human

These stories must be acknowledged. And then they must be rewritten

medication fixed a decades worth of GAD for me

Very great read, basically says the same thing people ITT are saying. It's just a perception of yourself and perceptions can be changed

So true

Social anxiety reminds me of this pic I saw a while back

It was a baby elephant that was shackled to a post by a circus owner

The elephant feels hopeless because it knows it's not strong enough to break free and that his owner is stronger than him so it gives up on trying to break free and lives with that mindset for the rest of its life

Even when it's an adult fully grown elephant that could easily break free and overpower the owner now, he doesn't attempt it because he's conditioned himself to believe he isn't strong enough

It really is all in your head bros, don't let the mindset of a past version of yourself dictate the future for your present self

I’m studying abroad rn and I feel so isolated even though I’m with like 40 kids from my home University. I approached one kid just because I’d been in a class with him a couple years ago and I only felt justified in small talking with him because of that seemingly unimportant class connection. Every time we’ve hung out though we have a really great talk and laugh a ton. Like yesterday we walked around and talked for 4 hours. Even though I know I can be interesting and funny and have long conversations like that I still struggle just “breaking in” and making an introduction to people without having some excuse. I feel like I need a big reason to justify “bothering” someone even though I know I really don’t. It’s such a weird contrast because I feel pretty confident in other ways.

I actually had something very similar happen to me. I was running late for a new class and I saw there were only a couple seats open. One in the back alone and one near the front near someone that I had literally only talked to like once before because of a mutual friend. Anyways that day I randomly had the courage to choose to go and sit next to him and we ended up becoming very close friends for the rest of the year.

I usually don't feel like I'm bothering people as much as I think "why would I randomly talk to this person, they definitely don't want to talk to me" and end up keeping to myself.

But it sounds like you've actually got great social skills, if you talk to some more people I'm sure you gon have a great semester.

soon as an interaction ends i'm replaying it in my head constantly a***yzing everything, thinking about all of the different ways i could have changed it.

felt this heavy, i stay to myself because i feel like i'm bothering people when i initiate even though that's not the case in the overwhelming majority of situations and people welcome my presence or conversation.

For real. Lately I been thinking about how I need to forgive more and stop holding grudges but then ironically I can never forgive myself for vocalizing something weirdly or opening a door awkwardly like 5 years ago

The last part is what's hard to believe. No matter how many people like me I'm always thinking I'm too this or that for anybody to get along with me.