College, 2017. I quietly carried a lot of pain.

I considered killing myself a few times but never got around to it. Honestly, I probably didn’t have it in me to do it. I did have an easy proxy though. And f*** it, I really tried.

I’d wake up and begin drinking, smoking & snorting. Every single day. Whatever leaf, powder, pill, drink people threw my way, I wouldn’t even ask what it was. I wanted to ride high. So high that I wouldn’t have to bear existence anymore.

Toying with death became a game for me. I’d try different combinations everyday, hoping for the magic formula that would have me fall and never get up.

I even found some humor in it. I purposely bought a white lighter. The 27 Club thing. It was hilarious to see addicted smokers scared s***less, skipping a cigarette because they didn't want to use it.

I used it all the time of course. It was my “fuck you” to life itself, hoping it would say the same thing back to me.

Off-White was starting to become really popular around campus at that time. Those “⠀” quotation marks started popping up on the rich kids clothes all over the campus. High fashion came with elitism, that's just how it was, but there was something very different this time.

I remember being really intrigued. The irony, the irreverence…the idea that if you just labelled something as exactly what it was, it somehow became so much more.

One night, I pulled out that same white lighter from my pocket and grabbed a black marker.

“WHITE”

That was it. I’d just created something out of nothing.

Things felt odd. Odd enough that I shared this strange creation on my tiny little Instagram account. 24 hours later, something happened.

My declaration of death was now my canvas.

I hadn’t tagged him, no hashtags, nothing. He just somehow found me and told me that I was doing alright.

I’m not going to pretend like this 1 Instagram Like brought me back from the dead. It really took me a few years to wake up. But in those few years, I lived a very different life than I had in forever.

My pain now had meaning.

Use your pain & state your purpose. Stake your claim. Create. Be inspired. Inspire. Take the pieces and build upwards.

That’s what Virgil taught me.

It doesn’t take that much. Just a marker, an object and your endless imagination.

Thanks Virgil. I won’t forget you.

<3

I hope you’re doing better these days

Bless up op

wow.

that was really touching @op fr

rip virgil <3

Touching story fr damn

Hope you're doing well bro

Love this, I truly hope you're doing better now too brother, depression is a b**** I know

thank you fam. definitely am ❤️

i'm glad you got something out of this. I just needed to let things out.

thanks brother. RIP Virgil.

i got all your love fam, i'm doing amazing now

thanks fonte. i hope you too have found light in darkness whenever its crept up on you.

much love ❤️

RIP Virgil and much love to you @op

rip very cool story

Great to hear you're doing well
RIP Virgil

you too my friend

right back at you brother

thanks for your wishes