An emotionally-absent father who is authoritarian & dismissive but gives you a financially comfortable life

Or a supportive father who you can have actual conversations with but he can barely make ends meet for his family

EDIT: by absent, I mean he barely spends time teaching you how to become your own man & how to see the world so you gotta figure that out on your own.you can’t go to him for advice or moral ssupport either

Father 1 comes with emotionally available grandpa that was like your father when he was young but retired rich and learned the importance of family and love but it was too late for him to right his wrongs with your father so he has a second chance with you

What

well mine was emotionally absent and barely could make ends meet so i would take either

i guess now that im grown id rather have more money to start off my own life tbh so 1

2

Id know my father loves me, and wants me to do better. I couldnt stomach taking money from that c*** if my father was 1, id try and run away. Soon as i turned 18 id be gone, whereas wed be hurtin for money but my father would be an upstanding man and id pay him back with interest when i get on top due to his teachings

Well I have Father 1 and it f***ed me up for life (and still is)

So ima have to go for 2

My dad is the first and I’m fine

What if father 1 scenario all your grandparents died before you were even f***ing born

Asking for a friend hahaha

Def B

I already had the first 1 except he didn’t have the financials

Emotional availability from my father for what?

Something my dad told me when I was young and it stuck with me. I always used to think he bullied me and was overly cruel. “I am raising you for the world, I’m not raising you for me”

you turned out fine my boy

What if father 1 but he got father 2 pockets

Anything but an alcoholic…

I didnt really have many supportive conversations with my dad, it was more like hard work type lesson. Or they'd be when he's drunk and goes on a tangent where the story somehow ends in how you shouldn't raw dog women

So like I'd be fine with either the money would be a bonus I guess

had to raise ourselves and look at the bangup job we did 😤

I do see the sentiment here but I think it is somewhat simplistic based on what I have come to so far as far as thinking about this topic. just a disclaimer, I fully respect this idea but im gonna play devil’s advocate for a bit. the only reason im doing this is because the whole point of this thread is to play devil advocate to my own self to pinpoint the flaws in my own perception of this whole thing. so im just gonna try to stretch the idea you brought just to see if it holds up. ofc if this is a waste of time for you its cool

so basically the whole premise of having a father figure is to prepare you for the world. I do think your father’s goal is very noble because he doesn’t look at you as a long-term investment that he gets reimbursed for later in his life. that very selfless. now obviously I don’t know what you mean by cold and overly cruel. but if he fits the criteria I posted above about being dismissive, then he really is doing the exact opposite of preparing you for the world. Being cruel can be good to toughen someone up, but there needs to be the cushion that this is done for your future self-interest. for a kid, they might not have the mental bandwidth to understand that, but whatever you do to them will stick subconsciously. I believe that my main problem is not with superficial cruelty, but lack of acknowledgement. When your masculine identity becomes inseparable with seeking someone’s validation, and you feel that this validation is fleeting unless you consistently perform then failure becomes not an option. The paradox in this is that, in the real world, you are bound to fail sometimes. so if you were fortune (or unfortunate) enough to have never failed growing up, you have no idea how to cope with this failure that will eventually hit you. and since failure is tied in with the loss of validation, you lose your self-esteem in teh process. im just babbling based on experience so there is no psychological underpinnings to all of this. even though there are a few people that im sure would agree with this logos

Therapy > either