Shouldn’t be meaningless you already did the hardest step which was taking that first step to improving your condition
Your thoughts shape your world, work on the mindset you don’t have to resort to hedonism if you don’t want to
Remember that nothing good comes easy, it shouldn’t be easy just respect the grind and you will make

St. vincent is brilliant man

You have you, ice cold

ya

no i live for myself

haven’t lost my hope yet but i don’t wanna suffer for nothing. it‘s tempting to take the easy path when everything seems pointless

lol no

Everything that happens is part of your journey, suffering is one the core aspects of existence without it there is no growth, so even if u think it’s all for nothing understand that it’s still progressively making you a stronger person and molds your character the more you endure
Even if you don’t believe in God I believe that he wants you to be in certain way, the way which you are closest to him so don’t resist let it be for things that you have no control over can be considered canon and that was just how your life played out

No im not a empty person