same

glad to hear op doing better tho

Yesssss
And it was called "ADHD"
Like every time something major in my life posed to happen or go on, i failed or bailed
Insecure, overthinking,no more interest, cant motivate myself anymore etc

And then u quit

Plus through the yrs, due to these obvious problems caused by ADHD anf being black in a very white (racist) dominated area;
I have heard nothing in my life that im stoopid and would never amount to s***
Even when. I accomplished s***, it would always be downplayed never celebrated

So obviously after 17-18yrs u actually start to believe this and Everytime u DO accomplish something or are bound to
U think ur not good enough? But how?
I'll fail anyways?
Was i just lucky?
Did i like trick everyone including myself into this position?

Thats why usually when the time called for IT
U crash cause u get wiped by diff emotions and moods and memories
U forget to focus on the essentials

Cause i still LOVE doing what i do and am good at
But it. Does take the joy away admittedly

Ur basically a walking
"Has potential" stick figure smh

fam you got this ! if you aren’t seeing a therapist and you can i’d definitely suggest trying one. imposter syndrome is a really cruel trick but you are where you are for a reason !!

love you bro hope it gets better. this s*** is not easy for anybody

Yeah well thats how i got diagnosed with ADHD
And yes people with ADHD mask, which is almost the same as imposing really

And dis stems from social "rules" we are not following
So automatically when your whole life u have been told that ur certain mannerisms/ways of thinking/, mentality/ideas etc dont make sense/are weird/stupid or that u are just dumb, u auto adapt those fts,we tweak them and we even notice we tweak em, takes energy to do so
Others dont.

Happy i got meds cause it just helped my overall thoughts and brain clarity
Which just regulates emotions better, memories, impulsivities, neg thoughts dont hit u out the blue anymore from a 100x diff point lmao
Its more or less manageable

Like bro i signed a label deal dis summer after hustling for yrs and bein at ma most independent (everyone in my team had just left me cause yeah believe was gone/never therz
And then i fix ma single for the very first time all by myself like cover work to mixing etc
And i instantly had offers from every label here and STILL
i sit there;
How? Is my stuff really that good?
They made a mistake no?
F*** what if it WAS luck,ill never create a good song again????

Meanwhile i know well enough my s*** hard but its always at that point u reach or about to reach something
Ur mind starts playing tricks

Like am pretty sure if someone would grow up in a more understanding and supportive environment, the way ur brain is programmed to think in these situations would drastically change

Cause i have to admit its these "impairments" that boost me a hella lot
People whos mind is normal and s*** comes to easier(cause obv this world is fine. Tuned to "normal") they haven't really felt that stupid thing called "being behind on everybody no matter how hard u try"
In my life i always used this as fuel to be like; watch me do it mfers; better AND bigger

s*** funnily enough i learned i probably have adhd

just hate how im built mentally in the head sometimes

You built different?

not in a good way

That’s crazy man

all the time, working on it everyday though

Yeah, I've got massive anxiety and I tend to deal with stress in a flight response rather than a fight response. I'm insecure about the fact that I don't have work/volunteer experience, no leadership positions I've held and therefore no references. I have two degrees but I don't even have a resume I don't know how to format one correctly, I've signed up on s*** like Canva but just don't end up making one. All my friends getting their careers started and I'm just sitting at home getting high everyday

It's been a constant thing with me and I lowkey self sabotage myself. Even in high school, I wouldn't be studying and smoking weed the night before big tests and just pass out. It's a miracle I finished my studies tbh, I would procrastinate so much

my boy winninggg

Bruh am 25
Discovered like a few weeks ago EVEN THO it has been suggested throughout my life already that i had very high energy (even tho i always found it beng average ), dad wanted me tested already when i was 5 lmao

But yeah please go look
Cause hella ppl in they 20s apparently with adhd, start noticing like small( even i knew something was up with ma head when i was 19/20ish, my way of thinking and s*** was just always completely diff i noticed, certain things start feeling odd ya know xp)
And when they don't get help; crash/adhd shutdown/depression

Thats what struck me this yr and boi, i broke tf down
Like never seen before
My masking game was gone/off cause mental energy too low to be able to camouflage
And lemme tell u, being irritated/frustrated/angry paired with ADHD in public without being able to mask, ur in for a f***ing very wild wild ride
Niggas legit thought i was crazy, cant lie even i did cause i didnt know what was going on
But i knew that everything i was thinking and doing was messed up, non logical af

I even told my therapist;
Im pretty sure that if i didnt wore these clothes and had this face, ppl had already put me in a mental hospital
On the other hand the exact reason why ppl dont even believe something wrong is up with me is because of appearance too

Get yourself tested bro fr if u think something is up

I mean even back in the day, my friend's and random b****es were HESITANT to give me hard d**** lmao
Why?
"Bro your energy already like u on coke or speed, youd be going crazy mental if i gave u these man i can barely handle ur energy now"
And even then, never once a bell rung in my head that something might be up

Also alot of ppl with ADHD tend to retreat to online forum's and s***

Away from all the social norms

Plus self isolating again, is a pretty normal and necessary part of the adhd lifestyle