Its like sometimes just the f***in regularness of life is too f***in hard for me or something, I don’t know

It's like I feel like I'm wasting my potential and letting people down as every moment passes.

I feel this, I legit haven’t been able to wake up for school this whole year, I’ve been absent from my first two classes more than I’ve been present

D**** love and therapy only thing that makes it better and they also all make it worse lmfao
Oh I remember when I was a kid and its seems like a different lifetime like that wasn't even me

Literally felt good until like 4 weeks ago when I went down a climate science rabbit hole and now i realize we f***in doomed
Saw my own mortality face to face many years ago and came to grips with that but what I didn't realize is that my biggest mistake was letting myself live into 2016
Didn't expect to also have to cope with the collapse of my entire species at the same time

Never expected that one in all my years I gotta tell you
Only thing that keeps me stuck on this rock is my own empathy
Wish I could just let go and drift off into space and that everyone was cool with it and I could finally experience the deep caress of the empty black, not killing me, just allowing me to become one with it, allowing me to be rid of this mortal coil and the crushing, squeezing, black as sin and twice as thick, oozing, bone-deep guilt and despair that festers in ever crevice of my mutated and damaged body.

I've spent the majority of my life alone. It wasn't my choice when I was a kid but it's my choice now cause I don't want to hurt anyone and indirectly cause them pain. I don't have a problem making friends I just never allow myself to get that far cause I'm badly damaged and I don't want to ever show that side.

I'll never be that person where if I killed myself tomorrow, everyone on social media will be mourning me. Cause no one knows me

everyone has different purposes, you just have to find yours bro

Honestly animals are the only thing that make me genuinely happy lately, sadly got none here at my dads. I f***ing love my cats and my dog so much tho I would kill for them

True but it's just scary. All the expectations and obstacles make it a living hell. But in a good way I guess

It’s f***ing scary to think that we’re gonna be working for the majority of our lives and then just die, and happiness is not guaranteed in between all that

i used to feel this way but i dont anymore and havent for quite some time

ever since i let go of my self-importance and opened myself up to wanting to learn as much as i can even if it unravels my core beliefs of reality, ive begun to slowly discover possibly why we’re here (or at least reason to stay)

cracking your belief foundations that have been ingrained in you since childhood is what i found to be the key, as it has kept us from going out there and learning as much as we can

this might sound super confusing, but trust me just dedicate yourself to learning and trying to understand the nature of people and the world and never stop, because once you stop then you cut yourself off and nothing around you ever makes sense (which leads us to feeling overwhelmed by life and wanting to kill ourselves, but at the same time being afraid of death, a devastating crossroads to be at but sadly so common these days). dont let any religion, ideology, thought process, family pressure, societal ideals or whatever hold you back

And most of us will probably do meaningless work too

maybe if we were advanced enough to live like animals we would be as happy as them

sadly we devolved, and have to be a billionaire to do so

Thread on Neon vibes

someone should make a movie around this without it having "we live in a society" levels of corniness

yeah I do somewhat agree with that, but thats why I always try to run my own race and not focus too much on what others accomplish or do.

I'd say that having obstacles and challenges actually makes a life worth living, with the purpose of making it out of that hell. contrary to what people may think, I think a hard life is much more fufilling than an easy one.

im not gon say much in here abt me personally but they helped/are helping me a bit
youtube.com/user/academyofideas
youtube.com/channel/UCvE6pu1HH4-PSf5AJVPuN2g

Society today morphed everything into a competition

‘Who can one up the other’

People were once genuinely attached with love and concern but somewhere along the way that all went out the window

Very true, we’ve dug ourselves a hole with this system we’ve created, and for what? So we can be fat f***s in our air conditioned homes and have fast food and s*** like nah, I’d rather be murdered brutally as a caveman then live in this f***ed up system

I feel what you're saying but that lifestyle would bring a lot of pain to your loved ones. At least that's what it feels like. Choosing to live like that is extremely risky and I can only think what that would do to a parent.

Toxic masculinity

i wont say anything else on this matter because it isnt something someone can be persuaded to do

there is a crossroads: you live the rest of your life miserable wanting to kill yourself (until you do through some long-term means that doesnt appear to look like suicide even though you subconsciously willed it to happen), or you begin to learn and dont stop until your final breath (as painful as the learning may become at times)

the choice is our own, unless you dont believe in free will

maybe you believe in reincarnation, and think youll get another chance to do all this over again (and reach what some say is enlightenment). but do you really want to take that chance? others say this is our only shot

I honestly feel like I don’t have a real connection like this with any of my family members, and it’s my fault.

Three years ago I was just like you were. Felt like I was a disappointment, had no purpose in life. Had no close friends and didn’t know what to do with my life. I got so f***ing fed up with feeling bad all the time and I couldn’t figure out how to make myself feel happy so I just started working extremely f***in hard cause I didn’t know what else to do.

Now I have tons of friends, a hella prestigious internship at an international law firm, and a genuine sense of pride in the person I am. F*** the pursuit of happiness. S***s a myth. It’s impossible to chase abstract happiness so stop trying to. Working hard and doing the things you are good at to the best of your ability will give you more fulfillment and pride which in itself is a source of joy

How did you push yourself to do this, I know this is the answer but it’s just so god damn hard to get myself out of the rutt