to reach out to anyone that cares about Cats. this is a note i found in his desktop.

Today's the day I commit suicide. I'm not using the unreliable hanging method I've been using for the past year and a half but I've found a new method an it'll 100% kill me.

I remember my first suicidal thoughts being from age 12. Was bullied and had no friends, home life was awful, and did nothing but stay in my room all day away from people because thats what I wanted. I'm still like this, just without the bullying part. I dont get along with my father, who I barely see anyway, I dont talk to any of my siblings, and just sort of stay to myself. Most of it sounds self inflicted, and I guess it is, but it's hard to branch out to people when you've been abused and rejected from people your entire life.

I never started college because I dont have a passion. My only passion is music. Maybe I could go to music school but that'd degree would be worthless and just a waste of money. School was never my thing. I almost dropped out of high school and had really bad attendance, despite me graduating with a 2.9 which I guess isn't that bad for showing up 2 times a week. I told myself if I ever started college i'd try my absolute hardest, but I never started. I never really saw a future for myself, so I never bothered.

Everything I put my mind to I failed. I failed at going semi pro in overwatch because I didn't put the time in and didn't think I was good enough. I've played fps games my whole life so It's expected of me to be top tier at them. I failed at doing well in school. I was too depressed and anxious to even show up. I never did the work and only did well in tests. I failed at getting better mentally. It's been a year and the only progress I made is with my anxiety. My bipolar is still just as bad as it was before. I can't think of a single great achievement I made that I can seriously be proud of. I just cant accept that

I'm just a repulsive person which is why everyone ends up dropping me in the end. Over the last 6 years I've went through friend group after friend group and they all ostracize me. Obviously I'm the issue. I'm the one who has problems. Not to mention just individual people deciding to part ways with me. I'm just not made for people, and there's people all around me. I dont wanna live in a world like that. Most of the times I'm okay with it but the times I'm not it really kills me.

I've been feeling this way for way too long now. 8 years. I've been through maybe 8 or 9 serious attempts, and plenty of "half attempts". Death hasn't scared me for a while now, and it's gotten to the point where pain doesn't really scare me. I'm not sure if this method I'm using is gonna be painful or not but I just hope it's quick. I'm not going into details cause I know thats not allowed. Everyone dies, it's something you can't escape.

I've been apart of this thread for a little more than 2 years and posted in it very frequently over that time and everyone has always been helpful and kind towards me. Thanks to everyone to read my posts and especially those to replied to them trying to help me out when I was feeling the way I was. I hope all of you guys find actual happiness and meaning one day because no one deserves to live like this.

This has been planned for weeks beforehand, and I've written this about 3 or 4 weeks before I've done it. If you've read to this part, first of all thanks, but chances are im probably already unconscious or gone by now. I dont think I'm gonna read any replies to this, maybe that'll change. As I said I wrote this weeks before the actual attempt.

I'm sorry to all those I've hurt. I don't mean any harm. I'm not an aggressive person. I try my hardest not to be. I'm just not good with people. I never was. I thought I was getting better with people but I was just going in a different direction. I'm especially sorry if this act hurts anybody. I've already written an individual letter to my mom which is the only person I can say has been on my side continuously.

F*** man im never gonna forget about you, hope you finally find peace man.

i'm really speechless. i'm so sorry man... i was never good with people either and i always preferred to stay to myself for that reason. You were really the only person who understood that about me, only person i saw ever be open about it.

I'm not gonna front & act like we were best friends we only interacted a handful of times but man did you understand like a best friend would, that's why this hurts beyond belief. You're in a better place i know that for sure, i hope you're at peace now.

Thank you for always being kind towards me & understanding of me, you're right; you weren't an aggressive person we've never had an unpleasant interaction, only real & honest ones. if i wasn't scared of people maybe we would've been really close friends. i'm really really sorry. please be at peace you deserve that more than anything. always wished you well, i'm gonna always do that. thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart

I cant stop reading this for some reason, im gonna miss ya forever man. You helped me a bunch with my sexuality, confidence, and were always the nicest person on the site. I have a tough time now reading our old convos now without tearing up. Wish I could have helped you more and I cant stop thinking about how I should have responded differently, in all our convos. You were such a rare genuine beautiful soul that really wanted to help everyone. Rest in piece or I hope you got reborn into a Cat like you wanted to.

Wow... this hurts to read :(

do yall know if it was cats mom who uploaded this

dont want to say the name but if its the same person who has control of his discord then no

wtf

okay i just couldn't help but wonder,

mannnnnnnnnn

wow

man what the f***

one thing you said a long time ago when i made a thread about me struggling with myself & people were that no matter what you were gonna always remain you & not let the world or people change that, no matter how much it hurt it be that way you had no plans of changing & it encouraged me then and it'll continue encouraging me. thank you again... i wish i had the chance to personally tell you that i just hope somewhere, wherever you are you somehow get this message & feel how much you were appreciated here. rest easy homie 💖 much love always.

forever

rest easy, cats.

Hello, thank you for posting this. It means a lot.

He loved Boris

Feedbacker was in his top 5

thanks for posting this, gives some closure

wish you were still alive and still here man, i miss you

rest easy

cats and I shared a lot of similar music tastes

mans rocked with Slowdive & Uzi, bro really had the finest of taste

F***

f*** man. rip i'll never forget u

love you cats 💞

F*** man

I love you man ♥️

Rest easy

Love you bro hope you have peace finally

rip cats, rest easy