19 yo male. through most of my childhood my mother was extremely physically and physically abusive. She would punch me in the face when she got angry as well as beat me so bad with belts that I would have bruises all over my body and sometimes even bleed.

In terms of the emotional abuse she would constantly insult my looks when she got angry and would insult me because my father was never really in my life. When I would get in trouble she would always try to completely crush me by verbally cornering me and forcing me into arguments and then get even angrier when I tried standing up for myself.

Im older now and while me and hers relationship has drastically improved and I do think she's a changed person it's still hard for me to forget or truly forgive all the horrible things she did to me.

talk to a licensed professional if you can no cliche stuff.

this is sensitive and you won’t get the full attention you deserve in a space like this.

Speak your peace to her

You're not gonna like this but you just gotta get over it man. I'm speaking from personal experience. Anything else and you're just living in the past. Yeah it was f***ed up but just let it go and move on. Don't even try to understand it just push forward

It's not even about forgiving your mother at this point.

It's like your love and relationship is confusing you after the past, so that past is still following you around even tho things are much better. Even if you forgave your Mom right now at this point, you would still have that battle inside of you of trying to fully embrace a relationship with your mother.

I think therapy at this point is your best option, and it's great that you seem to not want to feel like this anymore and you seem to know something doesn't feel right.. Try to seek help out now while you are motivated to do something about this. It may become worse over time and living with that inside of you is not a good thing to carry around.

The mind/brain is a powerful thing so it's best for a professional to handle it.

funnily enough when I was I think 17 we went on a family trip to disney and things absolutely explode between us. My great aunt (my best friend as well) was there and I confessed everything my mom would do to me and how it made me feel. She had a private conversation with my mom and I assume told her how wrong she was and ever since then we've had this awkward kind of peace.

ever since I started college she's been a lot more supportive of me and abetter parent overall but the child inside of me also resents it bcuz where was thus when I was little and needed you the most

I don’t know if you necessarily have to, I know that sounds bad but it’s true man; the fact is that s*** is not right or okay, and there’s a chance you may resolve/already have resolved all the lingering trauma around that abuse and s*** still feels bad in your mind. You were severely wronged at, indisputably, your most vulnerable point by a caregiver. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your mom to withhold forgiveness consciously or otherwise; if anything, it sounds like you’re already doing more than most would (IMO) in order to see & be receptive to the changes she’s made. That speaks to her progress and yours, and there’s also a large chance that forgiveness just comes with time, When that grace inside you is present to fully let go you’ll know it, and I mean that in a totally secular way too. Some aspects of this total healing process are pursuable (you’ve done many of them, it seems) and some have to be waited on. Regardless I’m sorry about that pain boss, that’s tough to shoulder. Stronger man than I for sure

she was also extremely cold towards me a lot of the time and would seem almost disgusted by the idea of showing me affection and would always just say thats just not how she is when I would bring it up. she didn't consistently tell me she loved me until maybe a year ago, I would remember as a kid when I would be on the phone with her or she was leaving somewhere I would tell her I loved her and she would just hang up on me or have no reaction

you're beautiful @op ❤️

hope you and your mom patch things up

Easier said than done man

You don’t have to forgive, don’t feel obliged to. Understanding why someone was behaving the way they were and coming to terms with it in yourself is a lot more effective

i dont think u need to forgive her but u should take her to lunch and have a conversation abt how she feels abt it

2 be real you should keep your distance and let time pass. But be aware that she did all that s***. Her mind and personality allowed her to behave that way towards you. Don't delude yourself about a future relationship with her just because time passes and you don't feel that strongly about it anymore. But you should still try to gain distance and emotional stability.

she was like this my entire childhood but it got especially bas after my grandpa died as well as being a single mom and all the stress that comes with that especially since I was born when she was a sophomore in college I think

really dont need to forgive, nor should you, at all.

just leave if you can, dont look back, go to therapy or some form of professional care to process, it will help.

I suggest you get a therapist ktt not certified for such a situation thats a lot you'll have to unpack

you don't deserve abuse because your mom got stressed and had grief.

This is beyond ktt's purview, but what you might wanna do is speak to a professional. You don't need to forgive her but just know that if you eventually warm up to the idea of forgiveness, you're doing it for your own well-being. Grudges have a nasty habit of being corrosive to the container that holds them.

A lot of people ITT saying talk to a licensed professional ITT are right. Anyone saying to cut off your mom after she has tried to grow as a person are D***HEADS in my opinion. It might seem easy to just let your family go, but I encourage you to go out and get dinner with your mom, get her something for mothers day, do right by her unlike the people that hurt her.

U should text her right now like "GREEN GROVE IS a retirement community"

@op I’m very sorry you experienced this

I can relate with this, but it was my father instead

My father is dead now and we never got to talk about that, but I managed to forgive myself (in first place) and be at peace with my past

I strongly recommend you read this book, it’s pretty short and straightforward, if you need a free version I can hook you up, it really changed how I see myself and my past and helped me understand what should I do

amazon.com/Heal-Your-Wounds-Find-True/dp/2920932217