kinda feel better now that i vented

I've done a lot of cringey/horrible things that I know wasn't a reflection of who i am just the mental issues i was dealing with or the situation

another thing to note, things are never as bad as in you head when you're dealing with guilt. it's amplified by 1000x in your brain

think about the bounce back and how much you learned and how much you may be able to helps someone in your same situation in the future dealing with guilt

i know im not a bad person and even though its possible i did nothing wrong and at least i know that if i did i can take steps to correct mistake

yea the best thing to do is forgive yourself as others pointed out. Many people don't know how to go about this the right way and that's cool we all start somewhere, the destination is the same.

Accept the past can't be changed and things aren't always how you remember them.

Try to not do the same thing again. If it means ending a relationships with friends then so be it, its tough but nothing good ever comes easy.

Watch your habits. Are they leading you down the same path? If so change them with healthier ones and set boundaries for yourself.

Niggas will say what they want don't get distracted.
Before you know it you can look back to that moment without regret or guilt but with more knowledge of self. That's how you grow