I thought about writing up this thread because I hope it can brighten someone’s outlook on here and I have a bunch of time sitting in a hospital bed. I see a lot of people on here with depressive tendencies, a negative outlook or just straight up depression. Which is understandable because of our age group of late teens and early twenties were all just trying to find our way in this world and it seems impossible. I know this might just be like okay whatever dude you don’t know what i’m going through and that’s fine because i did the same thing when my mom would tell me that this will pass, i’ll set the stage so maybe you can understand or think i’m not bullshitting when i say i’ve been through it.

i was working as a mail carrier for usps and it was MISERABLE, i hated even thinking about going to work the next day as soon as i’d be on my way home, but there was a good thing in my life; i had a beautiful girlfriend that i couldn’t believe i landed and we had a really good relationship for about a year so i’m like okay i can balance the work stuff because my off time is enjoyable, but still i had a horrible attitude at all times, disgustingly negative which i didn’t realize it at the time, but prolly affected the people around me, so it goes and my girlfriend falls out of love with me and that goes where that goes and i literally lose my mind. i cannot keep my s*** together on any given day (i know blah blah blah you can’t let a girl have that much over you) but that’s easy enough to say, but love is strong i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with this person so it took a huge toll on me so now i’m doing the work thing while literally out of my mind, i HATE everything, literally nothing makes me happy. even stuff i would normally find joy in using my free time like video games just ends up being monotonous.

i started going to see a therapist and had a great support system in my mom, but really didn’t believe anything she said would be true, at this point and even way before we’re fighting all the time about me quitting my job, but she wanted me to keep my cash stacking because i did gain a nice nest egg from working there and i have a lot of respect for her and i do live under her roof, so i owe her some respect to just keep going through it whether you think so or not, so i do. fast forward through a lot of the monotony bullshit you don’t need to worry about, it’s a lot of the same. at some point in there i got on anti depressants and with the therapy (my second therapist because you need to find a good fit for yourself) it honestly helped just a little bit, enough for me to get by. i even went as far as getting a doctor’s note stating i cannot work overtime and only can do 8 hours due to (deteriorating) mental health, this is a common practice at the post office for people with physical injuries. i was getting forced hours of overtime every single day and this helped the most out of anything, so i’m doing what i can to get by, there’s a part in here where my ex gf and i get back together it was really nice and don’t believe any bullshit about people just forgetting about you after you break up, no one moves on like that trust me. but we only lasted 6 months and the same thing happened to her feelings again, but it was fun while it lasted.

so i’m doing all the same stuff therapy and what not, but my next step was to try and go into something that i had a passion for and try and find some meaning in life, “whatever that f***in means” - future and i did some deep dives on how to start making my own clothes, getting designs, manufacturing, the whole thing. this is something i actually find enjoyable and felt like it was really good for me, try something you’ve always wanted to and if it requires work, do it! i’m still doing all the same stuff, but i have this hobby that i can focus on to forget about everything else for a minute, maybe even something i can find happiness in? who knows, i’ll give it a shot, fast forward i know i really have no timeline, but lets say it’s 2017-19 and now the PRE-grand finale, this is the warm up. december 11 2019, i’m being harassed at work by a co-worker, crazy disrespected right to my face. i said okay i guess this is it and hit him in the face over my managers arm, that’s it, i just punched someone so i assume i’m fired and i walk out and leave. so a lot of crooked union bullshit goes down in the coming months because the guy i hit was my union steward and the vice and president of the union are up his ass and stack the deck against me and make it really tough to get my job back, but i do prevail and do get my job back in april 2020 (albeit transferred out of my base office to a city office), but whatever i’m NEVER working that job again and in those months when i wasn’t working i was honestly doing pretty good. it was a great move even though i didn’t have s*** to do i was enjoying life, something i wasn’t really used to, but i like it a lot, things are getting better and i feel like there’s a weight off my shoulders, but i still have a pretty negative outlook on life and a s***ty attitude about a lot of things, so just when things are going upwards i get the grand finale. to my surprise i’m born with a defected brain (check my other thread for details i don’t wanna regurgitate info and make this longer) and my s*** EXPLODES, i’m talking bleeding like crazy and rushed to the hospital to get LIFE SAVING brain surgery by a nuerosurgeon which i have no clue how someone is like yeah i wanna go to school to do brain surgery wtf. so anyway, this doctor is really good and under the gun while blood is actively suffocating my brains oxygen this dude stops it and effectively saves my life. he’s telling my family the risks, some are as follows: “pretty good chance he passes”, stroke, “permanently BLIND”, a true vegetable, “wheelchair bound”, “coma” I was so out of it i really didn’t hear any of this, but my family is obviously hysteric, in the end the blood gets too much to where before they figured it out i had a stroke that affected my thalamus and the motor function, i’m literally paralyzed? wtf, that doesn’t even seem like a real thing, i’m 24 this doesn’t make sense, but that’s how it went down if you’re interested in more of that and my recovery go to my other thread. but i found out this life that i thought i never really valued could have just been ripped away from me like that, no goodbyes to anybody just vanish. so i know you’re thinking, “derekdod you’re telling me i need to go through a near death experience to appreciate life that’s a bit of a stretch pally” i know, i’m gonna give more tips than just that at the end that can hopefully steer you towards that, being happy, not a near death experience. of course. so after that there was a 2 week period where i had holes drilled into my head and a tube to drain cerebral fluid into a bag because i could not flush it out on my own. at any point during this two weeks i could have died at any point and i had no idea, my friends and family are coming to see me like this is the last time they’ll ever see me and i didn’t know, now the next surgery on march 6 (my father’s birthday who died when i was 6) as soon as i heard that date i knew i was good. the brain is crazy and it kind of fixed itself, not fully, but enough to not die in the mean time, but there will be more stuff to do. at this time, i’m taking all this surprisingly well and if you would’ve told me this would happen to me i’d be like “that’s a death sentence”, but i’m going through therapy 3 hours everyday and my leg is recovering expeditiously. after i hear about what was supposed to happen to me and i’ve already relearned how to walk by 1.5 months i feel invincible, nothing is stopping me now, i’m oddly optimistic. and i think that helped in recovery. people are telling me i’ve changed (which i didn’t like because i’m stubborn) i’m like “no way don’t make me into some faux-inspirational story”, but then after i returned home i realized how much better i felt, albeit still having 0 left arm function. my attitude was awesome and i was laying my head on the pillow like “damb today was a good day” s*** i’ve never ever thought of before, so i’ve come around and i will agree i’ve totally ditched my s***ty pessimistic attitude for a much refined one that allows me to really enjoy moments for what they are and appreciate everything. so it’s like may now and i still have no arm and i hit a little bump, but my mom is like “it could have been so much worse” which is something she does that i HATE, i don’t agree you have to be happy with an outcome just because worse things could have happened. this time though, i understood it. if this was the left side of my brain i could’ve lost my personality, my identity, all my relationships i’ve built with family and friends, a complete shell of myself. i realized that was much more important than what i could do physically, and if i had to live with this disability i could do it. but i’ve been staying on the grind working hard and i’m 99% sure i’m going to fully recover. to end this, on a day to day basis, i am enjoying everyday even given everything i am still going through and i really think you can too. i hope if anybody reads this whole thing they can if not work on getting better, maybe just a tiny glimmer of hope. or you can just see this as bullshit and move on with your day!

derek’s tips to better enjoying life(i’m not liable for anything you do after reading this):

• do WHATEVER you think will make you happy and deal with the consequences (quit the job you hate)
• instead of always jumping to the negatives try a positive once in a while
• try something that you’ve always wanted to do (no matter how difficult it seems, try and put the time in)
• try your best to appreciate every moment because you don’t know when your time will be up which is a very unfortunate truth
• have a near death experience

all in all, i’m turning 25 on august 20th, and i’m truly happy to be here, something i really didn’t understand at this time last year

i’m sorry about the text wall it’s prolly gonna look even worse when i press create thread i really hope someone gets something out of this

no one is reading all that i promise you that

@OP how did you get past KTT2.com's word count?

@op TDLR?

have a near death experience

dis real though

is that real or are you just joshing with me

This is all pure facts, shame so few ppl gonna read it.

op made a jean thread

Yooooooo

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

S/O jean

@spacecwby u got fans

Cut it out. Cool poster

i was confused at first but this was funny okay yuck it up fellas lets all laugh

i have faith in all of the users of ktt2.com

i did read it but how is gonna make your life better? there is realization but where is actualization

s/o @spacecwby. cool dude

Good thread OP appreciate the advice brother Nd good luck on your journey

great post thank you for sharing. i hope things keep going your way op

man that's a real scary scenario not going to lie. my anxiety spiked after reading some of what you went through tbh. i think sometimes we get lost in our own reality and forget just how precious life is (even i do it too). i suffer with depression and anxiety, however, i'm not suicidal. i still want to enjoy/live life. it's just that it's f***ing really unbearable some days. i'm grateful for being alive, but sometimes it's f***ing painful living.

you can use it however you need to, i don’t know man

You don’t realize how important a near death experience is until you have one

so i had my 3rd corrective brain surgery yesterday and i hope i’ll only need to have 1 more in 6-8 weeks, but i’ll know for sure in september 14.

but i’m doing great my surgeon is really good and he told me he’s gonna get me through this

I will, and I'll tell you my thoughts afterwards