i keep getting lucky just had an 8/10 on me for an hour and a half
never thought it would get this far

Feeling strange

I need a break

Disconnect from everything

Finding peace somewhere far away

i am so happy

Damn I’m crashing.

Still keeping to this gym routine

Empty

everyone in my family is so s***. i don't have a single good person to lean on

been doing way better but my body is just so anxious and stressed
idk what it is

Happy to hear this ❤️

Dm if you ever need to talk

This week I finally feel a little better, but feel optimistic ❤️❤️❤️

Brain running on fumes

morale in the gutter

"One of the things that happens when you're living an unstable life is that your time horizon shrinks. You're focused on keeping your emotions together for the next half hour sometimes, let alone thinking years in advance about what you want to do with your life. And a lot of people kind of stay in that mode where they are just getting through the day, and then they do that 365 times - and then that's a year, and then they do it more and more, and that's a couple years, and now they are adults and they don't even feel like they've made any decisions in their lives.

Obviously everything they've done has been a decision but it's never felt that way. It's always felt like the momentum of their lives is just carrying them forward and they are reacting to whatever the next thing is that's demanding a reaction, but they didn't plan for that thing, it's just presenting itself upon them at a time when they are not really prepared for it and they haven't gotten themselves ready so they are just making a decision in the moment that may or may not be beneficial or thought-out

And people do that in their real lives, their whole lives and now they have 3 kids, an alcohol problem and maybe a record from something they did when they were 17 or whatever it is and they get into this place where now the enormity of trying to correct course is so overwhelming for them, because not only are they in this hole, they have no tools - no psychological tools, emotional tools, nothing to navigate their way out of this."

maybe some of u find this relatable i did when i first heard it

Got some new books 📚 for healing

Meditation high key will change ur life but no one wants to do that s*** 😹

breathing exercises are the lazy mans meditation

I can't beat myself up for not being as productive as I'd like to be, at least I'm being productive.

I just have to keep being productive and ramp it up, and not feel bad for not being productive as I'd like to be and shut down

It's just difficult when comparing myself to where I want to be

And to people who are really productive.

I just see people who are all day on the ball no stop little sleep. And I think I could never be that you know?

I got maybe 4-6 hours in me max of hard work when it's self fueled. (Working for myself, not clocked in under management)

But I have been consistently working out and I see major improvements from the beginning of the year.

It's just daunting knowing I have such a far way to go. And knowing other people just can be, and are already there. I don't know why it's been so difficult for me.

Others just seem to have it down.

I mean at one point I was working two jobs doing a side hustle and in school full time.

But that always ended poorly. Now I'm content in my day to day and I think it's withstanding mentally but it's not financially sustainable and getting a job now may throw of this rhythm I've been working to get into.

Which is daunting.

First day I've taken off to just sit down with my thoughts in weeks and I just feel guilty for it.

I feel like it takes me months to do what others can do in weeks.