for f***ing real

Went out for my birthday with friends and was kind of disassociated

This bipolar s*** got me confused sometimes

Like an I tripping or not? Is the music rly that fire? Should I be mad at my boy? Should I work harder in school? Am I working too hard?

It's all sooooooo much. I am manic as s*** tho

Don’t know whether to laugh or cry

I typed this up in another thread but i think its very relevant here

bipolar is actually a ridiculously dangerous thing

13% of bipolar people commit suicide, higher than depression and schizophrenia

the mania can be extremely destructive. you can end up in jail or hurting people just because youre essentially psychotic

the depression can obviously be crippling and the combination of mania and depression is very confusing to people who dont understand it. once they do understand it they will label you as crazy because you are in fact crazy

the key to controlling bipolar is to understand that THE HIGHER YOU GO, THE HARDER YOU FALL!!! This is EXTREMELY important to understand. Being manic feels really good and you can make it much stronger using d**** or by not sleeping, or just by having a lot of good things happening in your life. But the stronger the manic episode, you are GUARENTEED to have an equally strong depression

The other thing is there are these mixed episodes that can happen. This is when you are depressed and manic at the same time. Far away the most dangerous state of mind. You have tons of energy and your very racy/psychotic, but you feel like S***. Very sad or angry. This is when people commit suicide or get arrested

Lastly, if you think youre bipolar, go to a f***ing psychiatrist (PLEASE do not go to a psychologist they are USELESS). You need medications. F*** what anyone says, you NEED medications. Without meds, bipolar has the WORST outcomes for any mental illness. You have literally a 40-50% chance of completely ruining your life. If you cant afford a doctor honestly id find alternative d****, legal or not. I rather have someone take a klonopin or 2 every day and be mildly stable than have some sober f***ing mercurial mess. Bipolar people dont react to d**** like normal people. Finding the right relationship with d**** is the best way to mediate your illness

Edit: its very important to understand what psychosis is. People think of schizophrenia when they think of delusions, hallucinations, etc. But bipolar can be just as strong in these areas as schizophrenia. This is dangerous because people wont notice that your'e actually losing touch with reality until its too late. Thats why medications are so important, they prevent that from ever happening

this s*** lowkey f***ed up

my doctor wants me to take abilify, but whenever i take it i just feel uninspired and depressed

when i dont take abilify i become extremely manic, like to the point where people ask me if im ok

i also make the best music ever and do my best work like this

but i do rly dumb s*** and get into trouble

i wish there was a balance where i could be high functioning without the emotional turbulence and general insanity

i feel this

tbh i just ignore it. its like ur in a video game, u still can respond to your environment it just feels weird. but u jus gotta try

my father is bipolar

i remember my brother used to stay home all day, after dropping out of college

the way my dad would tear into him was truly disturbing. he would make me watch too

i can realize now that my dad had some serious issues. but the f***ed up part is it took my brother years to recover emotionally. he still tryna figure s*** out to this day

thats why i see someone like kanye and say he needs help ASAP. that type of s*** can hurt everyone you love

Just agitated for no reason

my brain is just the macos rainbow wheel of death

2 days 😵‍💫

suicide

38 hours 46 minutes 😣

To anyone itt who struggles with intrusive thoughts, do you feel like some stem from real emotions?

12 HOURS :3

you seeing HER again

i been thinkin bout my boy a lot recently

lost him to an overdose

now im over here doing this s*** wtf. kinda feels wrong but god damn these s***s are lovely

not sure how many we go agains are left in the tank

I NEED AN ALT

don't I love the parasocial relationship I have with the 001 account

I’m actually going insane. I hate myself so much.

this ye s*** really got to me, got me remembering Etika's last video haven't sleepen well in days

My life sucks so bad in a lot of ways but I know I can do something about it it’ll just take time and effort it’s really nice to have some concrete goals again and they’ll feel really good to achieve doing a better job managing my time right now would help a lot

Nothing you can do except try to avoid putting yourself in the same position in the future