just started a PhD on the worst period of my life mentally. Got no motivation, but also I don't wanna miss this scholarship

Family problems + a girl that destroyed me emotionally (with me already having self-esteem problems)

It's going to be a long year

Was speaking to this really cool girl for the past week or so, everything was going well and she wanted to meet up tonight for the first time. Out of nowhere she went ghost on me Christmas Eve and I’ve not heard from her since. I know it’s probs something as typical as she met someone that night or some s*** but it still gets to me as I’ve done nothing wrong. S*** putting energy into something promising that goes no where and it affects me mentally way more than it should do!

Just seen this bro- I’m in a similar position as I’m being encouraged to pursue a fully funded PhD, it’s an exciting opportunity but it’s a big move away on my own as well and I haven’t been doing well mentally since I got my masters this year. I just can’t pass up such a good opportunity either though. We just have to find that balance brother between study/work and our own free time.

Woke up in a dog s*** mood today

Well, they're not exactly magical. Most of the time, you'll just be numb. They only help with your mood if it's low to get back to normal but they don't make you any bit euphoric.

fck

Things were going better but then I got sick and have stay at home in bed and it really puts my mind in a bad space and invites bad habits back 😞

First depression nap in a while. My body is run down

7am. Still awake. Insomnia is crazy man

I never wanna hurt people so when it happens and it was inevitable, that s*** hits extra hard

Actually, I don't think I'm a good person

SSRI and being drunk and high all day is gonna get me to 2023. I feel so numb I just might make it

Feel like s***

i wanna feel mutual love

i really wonder what that's like

An apology without changed behavior is just manipulation.

I'm gonna leave this here to remind me of what not to put up with next year.

This time of year gets me down so bad..

I still have 2 months until uni, and I'm on 6 weeks off, due to school holidays. So I got my 2nd job which I enjoy, but the hours are 8pn to 1am, from Wednesday to Sunday. Although the girl I liked has a bf.. I think. Ill find out and ask her out when I get the chance. This loneliness man... Whew. I sound like a broken record.

But f***, I'm so bored when I'm at home. Got so much free time. Plus my sister went away for a month, so our place is so quiet.

Happy new year!

This year I am going to see a therapist for my OCD

Happy New Year! Definitely take the down time or loneliness to save money. Find task that you enjoy be it researching a topic, walking, working out something that in the next year you can see your progress or how far you have come. Could even be learning a new skill. But in terms of that woman with a boyfriend been there just get right with yourself so that when the single person that fully is available you are ready. Someone can be single and emotionally unavailable as well as vice versa.

Set minigoals of things to look forward to whether that be a vacation, music concert, game or movie coming out or getting yourself something special. When you do get something special it helps if its a tool you can use to create or motivate you day to day in some way.

Love to you

Things are alright.

20 mins till 2023 and im in bed depressed with a beer

thanks for the reply. 1 last semester left, which is a short semester, as I got prac at a school for 6 weeks. After that, I can finally start my damn career. It has taken a while for me to get my life going, but I've missed out on a lot of social aspects, since I finished high school, which is the cause of my depression and anxiety.

Planning to go to Africa this year, to visit an animal safari, this wll be a solo trip also. ive got some hope left, so it may seem like my life about to finally jump start. guess we'll see what happens this year.

Gracias El Chapo, dont have many people to talk to about this s***, only mum and sister.

Nah don't be hard on yourself about time and social aspects. I know its hard to tell a nigga don't be hard about yourself s*** I hear the same thing OFTEN lol. You are still young from what I gather. Yes you have missed out on social aspects since high school but let me keep it 100 a lot of that is bullshit distractions that would lower your time on this Earth, raise your stress from people that don't genuinely care about your well being (This I know from experience). Yes possibly some missed opportunities but be grateful to be alive.

S*** you about to go to Africa and explore. Having that bond with your mom and sister will be insurmountable when you start making friends that you cherish. Believe me though you have a lot less stress overall in life if while in school you are antisocial to some degree and focus on school. The s*** is expensive when you get settled some in a career path (its your dream) will be plenty of time to make friends. Unfortunately money or lack there of will affect your view of time more than making memories with people that aren't family because at the end of the day they can and will do whatever.

a nigga just had to save the house from burning down because my dumbass moms boyfriend left f***ing pie crust in the oven then left the house