i miss when life was somewhat exciting

for a long time for me its been the same boring s*** every day, its looking doubtful things are gonna get any better

How you doing ?

Doing alright, thanks. Was very, very intoxicated last night. Went on a bit of a depression. How are you?

Went out with one of my friends last night and her wrist/forearm was covered in cuts.

When I noticed, she said she hadn't attempted suicide, she just had a bad day and needed a release but didn't want to reach out to me because she figured I was too busy at work and didn't want to trauma dump Without being overly stern about it, I assured her that I'm there and will make time for her. I've been in relationships with actual trauma dumping, where the person just takes and takes and that's not her. She's been nothing but good to me.

I'm really f***ed up over this because we've been super close for 6 months now, we see each other 1-2 times a week, I go over to her apartment regularly, we collaborate on screenplays and music, and she's still trying to put up a front. This is totally in character for her, she has a history of abuse and is the kind of person to apologize for everything, I'm just shook up because I didn't see it coming.

I guess I'm typing all this in here because those of us who struggle with mental illness can feel a lot of shame over it. It's inherently isolating. I know I spent much of my life feeling like a burden to other people because of my panic attacks, depression, derealization, whatever, and it's only been the past few years that I've learned to be comfortable with reaching out when I need it.

I understand, if you are truly 96 like me, I feel like drinking just makes me sad these days maybe due to age. Doing okay thanks, just working a new job and I feel pressure, just tryna do my best

I will leave you with a chuck buck quote

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.”

As in 96 years old? Just kidding. Yeah turning 27 soon brother. So you have the same thing with drinking and it being almost incapable to enjoy it too? Personally a few drinks in becomes self reflection and fear. You're entirely right though, good luck with your job too. Fearing about doing your best is probably (in some ways) helpful because you wont be making careless mistakes?

Don't take it personal, bro. It's clear from your last paragraph that you understand how hard it can be for some people to be vulnerable, even to people that they trust. I'm sure that in time she will be more comfortable speaking openly about the topic, but she will have to travel her own path toward developing that emotional availability and personal security. All you can really do is continue to be there for her

Yeah some people are just at that point in their journey. Mental health in general is a sensitive subject, less than it used to be on the whole, but it's not really surprising to get hit with the "it's not a big deal," "I didn't want to worry you," etc.

One of the wildest stories I have along these lines is that I found out from my dad that my mom took prozac years after the fact because she was ashamed to tell me. I think that parallel is why I had such an intensely personal reaction to what happened yesterday.

yeah I was away with friends, but I barely drank. I’m a smoker mostly, but i did have a few drinks one time when I was with them, and I got to caught up in my head, and the next morning I just had no desire

I used to have fun with it, but now it’s not so necessary. Two drinks is really enough for me and even then I don’t care so much for it

and thank you, I mean, mistakes is what I most fear and I just don’t want to lose the opportunity, and had some toxic work experience before and still worried about that again

i'm gonna cry man

Sorry to hear: it's always a let down waking up the next day and feeling like s***. You're right though, once you hit around 25 (from my experience) you lose desire to drink and hangovers become worse and worse. Truly to the point where it's not even worth drinking.

You're welcome as well! Definitely share the sentiment with that, do you have a really good career and track specifically?

Yeah, I can def empathize with that - it can be very disheartening. My ma is the same way with opening up about her problems and she only recently started being more vocal with me about her struggles with her mental health (she is bipolar). My family in general still has a fairly old-school perspective on the topic

stress eating

missing person, im a missing person

it doesnt get better does it

Man everytime i try to spread out my ativan to slowly get off of it i get the feeling in my stomach and get super anxious and vomit.

i was still just a drop in the sea of people in the world but least i mattered to somebody and was loved. now that she's gone it's difficult readjusting to simply being a drop again. i know i'll manage and eventually make peace with it again, but man it's rough. it was so beautiful lol even when things got ugly

I warned you

Should I take my meds or is my mom trying to trap me like Kanye and ruin my s***drive . Cereal question .

Take ur meds . No one is trying to trap u. U got this

Bro i just wanted to go back to normal after a bad panic attack from a high.

You're straying further from normal.

Times like this I wish I could just have a quick and painless death.