Offer’s still open if any cosmic beings want to do me a solid

I don't want to marginalize your emotional pain but please don't do this

There are really serious consequences

I try not to

I feel bit better now more confident in my future

me too

If I wasn’t such a p**** I would be dead right now

Maybe some people just ain’t meant to be happy

Wake up every morning with just overwhelming sadness and I shouldn’t even be sad

god damn I really went and pushed everyone away people really don't fw me anymore

I know a lot of people in this thread have felt suicidal at some point in their lives (me included) but the thought of the afterlife is always a double edged sword to me

cause...

1. if there's nothing after death then ceasing to exist is not existential peace, it's just rewinding time to before you were born

2. if heaven and hell are real then who can say with no doubt that they're 100% going to heaven?? we all sin every day and can die at any time.

To conclude, I'm not going to say suicide is the easy way out nor do I wanna spread despair but if you've had a good share of sadness you know how much a sad/depressed person ''lusts'' for happiness

and for me, the little moments of happiness are so much more beautiful when you've been through hell........like eating your fav food when you're starving or like a big cold bottle of water in the summer.

a priest from my ancestry once said ''you have to gain momentum from hell to get to heaven''

I'm no preacher tho and I still have my doubts and all the IFs and BUTs every person has but if you're feeling suicidal get some help and dont be afraid to try things you havent tried before or trying things you've failed at before

Blessed is the human that falls a hundred times and gets back on his/her feet a hundred and one

PS. sorry for the tldr, here's a little gift for reading through this

An old friend of mine shot himself earlier this week.
I say old friend because I hadn't spoken to him in a long time, we just grew a part.

He was probably my first real friend, his mother and my mother were best friends and they worked together, so I spent a lot of my childhood with him.
There are so many pictures of us together as kids.

His death as affected me, I know others can tell it has to, especially those at work.
I forget for a minute and then it hits me.
Almost as bad as realising he's dead is remembering being told about his poor parents, his dad found him face down in the grass outside their kitchen window.

I don't think I should be telling people, those who I work with, it just doesn't feel right..
I don't want sympathy, I don't know why I'd be the one getting it.. but if I explained to them what happened and why I'm not my usual self I don't know, I just feel it's not my place to explain.

I mean it just hits me all of a sudden.
I could be laughing away at work with a customer and the second that stops I just remember the fact that he's no longer around.

i do not enjoy any second of being conscious

Inside, I'm burning alive.

This life is so f***ed up. I'm so tired and fed up. Don't wanna be here at all no more.

Hang in there brother. When God calls we all gotta go.

I need a long hug and someone to tell me it will be okay

craving this rn

misery makes it harder to be a decent person. I can feel myself becoming a hater.

I feel like I'm existing. I'm not suicidal before anyone says anything.

Driving buses in London, UK.

7 days on the trot everytime then 2 days off, stupidly long shifts. I'm burnt out and its affected all aspects of my life.

I'm more than a bus driver but I don't know what, that's no disrespect to drivers. My mind is not stimulated at all.

Currently saving up an emergency fund and hope to be off buses by end of this year.

living with this b**** is borderline emotional abuse

This loneliness is s***. I know II sound like a f***ing parrot, as I'm just repeating myself here, but that's my main issue I got. And it's my most serious issue I have with myself. And it's s*** because I hate this feeling Times where I feel okay, but then it hits me wherever I am, and I just feel like breaking down. Even now I'm trying to stop tears.. Too late now.

Ill be in the bathroom for a bit until I stop crying..

At least my bud keeps me company.. Always makes me feel okay

Thank you...

I want to get the f*** outta here so bad