amen

Feel like everyone an enemy, feel like im gonna die

Paranoia a b****

No matter how good I do or how good things are brought upon me I always end up back in this slump. I’ll never be happy.

I’m probably too callous now. I don’t consider other people’s feelings as much anymore, just in general.

Is this what being jaded really feels like? I feel mentally in such a better place than I’ve ever been, but everyone around me tells me I’ve closed off more.

I don’t hang out with friends as much, i moreso stick to myself. I feel like I’m on MY purpose and that’s all that matters.

This is awkward though. I thought you were gone forreal, that last message was just damage control. Wonder how you handled all of it tbh.

It’s so odd how much time has passed and how I convinced myself I’d never change, and I’m now so different. The circumstances completely rocked me, from losing a friend, to losing one of my best friends irl, almost losing my father twice. I think I’m developing more PTSD

I recognize the signs of trauma not dealt with.. I wonder when it was show up?

All of that to say I’m genuinely happy. But I’m hyper focused on achieving my goals. It’s all I really have left that matters to me. I became a goal oriented individuals because it was the one thing I could control.

That Westbrook mentality, it burns you out. I never thought I’d view it differently, I applied it to everyone. But to be frank, only a few people are genuinely deserving of it. And I think that’s where my self worth really healed and recovered.

I never thought I’d gain confidence again, even with all this success. Talking to another successful man who straight up told me I needed to really appreciate everything I overcame to get to where I’m at changed my life. That’s where my self worth finally took off back to my college days. I regained that self-confidence id lost for years.

Hence “I’m him” cause I feel like that guy now

None of that is probably cohesive what I just wrote. Feels good typing it. Aside from my life coach I don’t have someone to vent to.

You’d be happy to know I repaired a good portion of my youngest sister and my relationship. So much jealousy from me, long story. She’s successful in her way, I am in mine. Fixed it with Mom too.

So was my last message harsh? Probably. Idk if you ever really accounted for how much you f***ed it up lol. The gas lightning instances, the coldness, the blocking. But you knew I was weak and would continue trying. I couched it as loyalty but really it was desperation. Loyalty is earned, you get that now right? So no, I don’t have good feelings about any of it. I’m saddened that I put myself through all of it, but like I said that version of me is gone.

I am not an a****** though, I hope atleast you’re in a better place mentally. If I can change without even realizing how broken I was, YOU can too, especially cause you already know you’re broken.

Last thing, I’ll say atleast I’m sorry for how many messages I sent lmao.

I have no interest in speaking though, I frankly don’t want to delve any deeper into it. You just focus on you, there is no welcome back coming from me. I know you read this just like you knew I was checking. That’s close enough lol

Damn

bar-t-t-tender

its hard not to feel liked a f***ed up lost cause when the doctors got me on 3 different medications at once cuz my brain is so bad

not that im even taking them all anymore but still. normal functioning people dont even need one medication let alone some weird cocktail where i take 5 pills a day

Don’t be fooled normal people are on medication

also just kinda wish i felt anything from medications, i just always feel the same but sorta go along with what the doctors say sometimes which is probably bad and i know i shouldnt do

I think somewhat if you feel shame over your affliction and need for medication, the benefits will be deadening. Do you know what I mean? Until your relationship with medication is healthy you won’t be healthy

What does your medication working look like?

mm i think i know what you mean but not quite sure.

It might be an unrealistic expectation but my medication working would just look like me having less problems with my mood and more manageable anxiety. I've been feeling better since I started exercising a lot more and eating healthier. I stopped taking one of my medications months ago because I think it made me gain a little weight but I'm not sure how to bring it up with the doctor that I stopped taking it without consulting them. I'm not really sure if I need any medication at all, or maybe the other ones I'm still taking are fine. It's easier to notice myself feeling worse when I stop a medication than me feeling better when I start a new one, if that makes sense.

Anybody taken/on Sertraline/Zoloft and how were the side effects

yes.

Took myself off about a month and a half ago.

Currently having debilitating OCD

Trying my hardest to no dissociate rn

bout to grow out my beard and shave a heart into my head

how can we help each other out itt?

feel this