I'm doing my best to prove that to myself even though I keep falling and stumbling

Man this sounds tough as f*** I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that
I really need to get on treatment I'm just scared of pills like I don't want to be dependent on anything but I'm an alcoholic so it's like is it really that bad then if I'm already dependent on this s***
Idek my bad, all love though man I hope you can do the best with your situation ❤

I really miss how stuff was like even just a year ago, I feel like I have no one
Kept telling myself I'm getting better but it's all a facade
I need to do something about this

I am such a waste of life, I know if somebody else was dealt the cards I havw they would be fine but I'm just so insufferable I just wallow in my s*** and don't get anywhere

I'll probably be dead in 5 years

I know I'm going through it right now due to lockdowns

I've been saying f*** all my responsibilities as a productive human and taken the last two weeks to purely focus on stretching, cardio and lifting. I enjoy my evening with my friends gaming.

Next week is a return to form and I gotta get s*** done

I used to be an alcoholic too...the ''drink at 8 am'' and ''drink till you vomit then go back to the liquor store'' type of drunk but now I just drink a s*** ton of coffee

man, dont feel guilty about taking pills. If I had cancer I'd take chemo like if I was diabetic I'd take insulin....same thing with psychiatric pills....it's a sickness, not a part time job, and if things work out for you and you get better your doctor will know how to help you get off em with the provided support you'll need

what's really hard for me personaly is breaking out of my shell, attending support groups, showing up on time on my appointments....stuff like that

I've heard multiple ''woke'' people telling me how pills are the ''big pharmas'' making money out of your misery while these same people invest money on useless brands of overpriced clothing and technology accesories....Im not hating on em, do what makes you happy, but at least meds help us stay sane. We dont take em to feed our insecurities

sorry 4 tldr, thnx if u read this :D

Just enjoying the difficult times because they mold me. 2020 to now was easy, it was a taste of what can come

But with every up comes a down and that’s where I am right now. But I’m accepting it and letting it shape me, I am the best under pressure.

A way involving heights would be a good way to go out, I reckon. Loved heights since I was a kid and going face first from high enough should get the result. All that other stuff doesn't do it for me, but that one definitely seems foolproof.

Yeah youre right I should probably get diagnosed and prescribed and all that
almost killed myself last night again but breaking out of my shell is what's really hard for me too like it's easy online and through text but I hide this from everybody irl

Also well put on the big pharma stuff cus I thought like that alot too

Call yourself big daddy everyday when you wake up

What makes one person happy is not going to make you happy. We all have our own goals and dreams, you’re very hard on yourself man, some of that stuff isn’t even you i imagine just things others projected on you and you carry around. Try to take some time for yourself take a day trip disconnect allow yourself to think freely with no outside influence your mind will take you where it needs to.

Practice makes perfect man. There called social skills for a reason!

Bro, I've dodged death so many times that at this point just being alive should be enough to make me happy

some background info = my mother killed herself when I was 11, my dad was always away working so I bounced back n forth between relatives. I was a street dude and did everything and tried everything whether it was constructive or self-destructive. From there on I spent most of my 20s on psych wards and jail....

now I'm at my late 20s-early 30s, a recluse with no one to talk to except my doctor, clean off all substances, sitting in an empty house with my dog and trying my best with a welfare check unemployed because of my background

I can always hit the streets for a quick buck but I've already been there and that s*** aint for me, on the other hand my education is less than that of a high school student and I know no crafts or arts.

this is my life and my life has always been pure chaos.....the ONLY place I can find peace in is the Church of my neighborhood and the ONLY time I feel like I can rest easy is after prayer.....even normal stuff like sleeping or eating are torture to me....I really dont know what to do...I feel like I've reached a dead end

mods, If you think what I wrote is 2much or goes against any of the sites rules just delete the previous post

Life’s a b**** bro bro but you just gotta keep your chin up and keep thuggin it, you been thru all kinds of s*** your tough af and you’re still here surviving, don’t try to live up to anyone’s expectations just be you bro that’s the greatest gift you can give to this world you’re you you’re unique. Try new things man you’ll find joy in something man I promise, my life’s a mess too bro but like I said chin up keep thuggin it try to roll with the punches sometimes you get ktfo but what can you do.

Vent bro that’s what this thread is here for. If anything were always here for you bro bro

I'll do my best fam, thanks for this, I really needed it. It's not like If we give up things will fix themselves

you guys are f***ing awesome

facts broder ive found that its real easy to stray from what im supposed to do and indulge and self destruct because it feels good i struggle with this daily, but you pay for it with interest. baby steps man just lil s*** forcing yourself out of bed, eating etc.. gas yourself up bro! reinvent yourself!

you just changed my perspective with this lil chat.....I feel you, I used to have all sorts of addictions and only after being clean for a few months I realized how big of a setback they were to my growth. But I've seen people like snoop and many more thrive off it so I dont hate substances, I hate abuse.

Getting out of bed? easy. Eating is the issue cause my ulcer acts up no matter what i eat

''reinvent yourself''

brb getting a face tat of this REAL SOON

That sucks man I wish I could help with that. Baby steps bro work on it there’s a probably a diet that’s light on your stomach for ulcers all that s*** sucks but it’s for your own good. I struggle with addiction myself I don’t think I been sober for like 15 years if it’s not one thing it’s another but I’m trying to work on it and not beat myself up over it like I used too.