I cant

I need to run away

I need to f***ing dissappear from everything and everyone I cant do this I need to get away I cant ducking do this

I cant keep pretending I just f***ing cant do it anymore

You good fam?

Bro im so down
This cycle just repeats and gets more aggressive everytime
I'm stuck in a loop and I can't take
I dont feel vlose to my family at all like if I never saw them again as f***ed up as it is I don't know if I'd even feel anything
I just need a break from life I can't take all of this adult s*** man
All of this f***ing responsibility and need to prepare for the future on top of my already f***ed up mental state I just can't handle it
Every year I f***ing take leaps forward and then fall off the deepend and restart
I just dont know what I can even do at this point even if I were to just dissappear like I can't drive
My family would be worried sick and its still f***ed up no matter what
Idk if im bipolar or what but i get like this every month and hurt the people I love I just want out of it

Well fam from the end of your text it sounds like your family does care for you, and I’m sure they do.

Life ain’t nothing but 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I remember years ago when I was single I would go through those phases. The highs were great and the lows were f***ing low.

I would tell myself sometimes back then, “now’s not the time to change anything, it’s not my time right now”. I’d wake up, go to work, eat, come home and sleep.

Eventually after limiting my life I eventually would swing back to feeling better, and start doing more stuff.

When you feeling down bro, try to minimize what you do day to day. Let that hate, frustration, sadness etc wash out. That’s what got me through my rollercoaster emotions

I wanna do this but I work such s***ty hours now.
I leave at like 530-6 and don't get home till 630 - 7
I think I need to quit my current job and focus on my passions, it's hard though cus I never loved with my dad till I wa forced to in high-school and now I work at the same job as him and like I dont hate it but the hours are stressful as f*** like im only 19 and have like 3 hours personal time till I have to sleep on weekdays and then every other week I work Saturdays

And I have to separate my weekends with my mom so it's just so tough like I barely have any free time at all I just think I'm too young for this and idk what to do

I don't wanna hurt my dads feelings but I don't think this path is for me

As regards to the three hours of personal time a week you gotta make the decision.

I’m hoping the job is paying you decent and giving you some financial stability. You could leave to get more personal time but you will open the financial problems book possibly.

It’s hard to adjust. S*** I started my real first job 1 month after I turned 19. I was missing parties and kicking it with my people, but while they were stressing over money, I was doing fine. Your only young once and it’s really the building block of your future. Do what you think is right and hopefully you find peace in doing it!

If this job is driving you insane, so insane that you want to disappear, then you should quit or at least talk to your manager and work less.
Your father his feeling shouldn’t be a hindering factor in this all, because it would hurt way more if you actually lose it. Everyone that truly loves you, would understand this.
Like @op wrote, minimize the things you do each day— you then create a healthy foundation to build upon and do great things that you love.

My job isn't really the main problem I was just venting about it last night
It's just super stressful because I barely have any down time
Like im only 19 I have to kevae my house at 530 in the morning and don't get home till like 7 everyday it's horrible

So what is your main problem?

Idk im just f***ed up, my childhood was weird emotionally that's really where it all comes from
Never really learned how to be responsible, organize or how to handle emotions etc

It sounds like you are already doing a lot by working so much. That’s a lot more work than I was doing back then.
I think that you deserve to listen to your emotional needs. If the world is making you crazy, then treat this as a wake up call to do something radically different.
You need to find out what that difference has to be, that’s trial and error. For some the answer lies in a toxic relationship, for others it may relate to a structural sleep deficiency, or even how you “speak” to yourself. It can be anything, but you need to find that out, because only you can do that.
Then, when you identified what is driving you insane, start imagining a world where this is not the case, what does it look like? It’s really important to envision this world as complete as possible.
Finally, work towards that world, in small steps. While you’re going through this process of healing and developing, be kind to yourself please. You deserve to be at peace.

I’m pretty sure I have bpd 😭😭

Recently I have been noticing that people overcomplicate really simple things.

I think every thought essentially is a fractal, we choose how far we delve into that.

It's been a lot easier for me to just let things go and that feels good.

It seems like for a major portion of my life I had been obsessed with, in the overall picture, really insignificant things.

Allowing my mind to be consumed by ephemeral thoughts, not that they didn't hold weight, just that they aren't necessarily time effective.

We don't have that much time here, I suppose I just am realizing some things are just not worth the mental load.

It's ok for some questions to go unanswered, and just to have faith in the unknown.

Thank you this was very inspiring
It's hard to envision all of what's wrong at once because I'm super reactional and in the moment
I should reflect more deeply

i really dont see a future for myself in life

i always thought when i got older i would get over my anxiety and be normal, but im 22 now and i know this is just how i'll be forever

Ive been dealing with a self defeating mindset lately, especially when it comes to my goals.

Its very easy to convince myself im not good, im failing because i dont really want it, and generally slipping down that mindset

Its easy to be negative because maybe secretly that voice is right. But i want to persevere, if for nothing than atleast for perseverance sake.

Everytime i stumble, like a bell in my mind i hear ringing “what if” and i am consumed again by passion.

asking everyone whos clutching their knees for a break and doubting themselves to ask what if.

@RollerBlade don't give up b it's easy to throw in the towel sometimes, but having that inner voice can be a blessin because some folks never question their actions and that tends to be a recipe for disaster. We can overthink, but the trick is to use your tendency to over-analyse in a positive way if you get me?

Negative thoughts blow, however that's just what they are only thoughts they aren't a true reflection of reality.