1 more month and it would be a year since I self harmed

Trying to figure out the right tattoo to go over my cut marks on my arm to make me feel less insecure about it j

I hate the fact that I disfigured myself permanently & it will constantly be brought up to whoever sees my body but it’s something I’m gonna have to live with.

Hopefully that part of me is gone for good

Shout to my therapist. Always very compassionate and understanding.

Tells me to message when I just want to get my feelings out

My Monday sessions are always improving

I’m glad you’re here Chip ❤️

Use the scar as a reminder to keep battling and striving

How are you feeling.

The holidays are a tough time. Let’s get through this

Im doing better bro Thanks for the kind words. Enjoy ur holiday

i’m feeling really disconnected with everything. like i feel like i’m just roaming without a purpose. just taking up space.

i was going crazy last night

it kinda hilarious at this point that whenever i open up to people, they tell me s*** will get better

like ive been suicidal since i was 7 and it’s never changed.

i’ve already come to terms with my mental health issues being my personality but spending my second straight thanksgiving alone is really helping it set in that this is never going away.

Fuh, just got hit by a wave of hopelessness

''it'' never gets better

we do

been strugging with suicidal ideation

What’s got you thinking like that fam?

hopelessness

it's like even though im doing good in most aspects of life the future is frightening.....like, who will give a f*** about me 2-3 years from now when I hit my 30s? I'm an ex-drug addict, alcoholic, street dude, dropout etc so all of these things got me feeling like s*** can go back to that any moment even though I've been -mostly- clean and off the streets for a good 1-2 years now

and it's not the past so much cause I know ''well get over it''....it's more that now that im on the other side I fear more than anything going BACK to what I've been running from....cause lets be honest, the moment I hit a financial difficulty or loss of a loved one chances are I'm back at the streets

and I HATE that with all of my heart....I've spent half of my life being institutionalized or just wild af and at the moment, I can 100% tell you that life aint it....but even now all these intrusive thoughts of ''you're going to lose your job'' or ''face it you're better off spending money on pills and escorts'' or ''nobody loves you they just act nice dumbass'' are f***ing me up fam

these thoughts persist even when I lie on bed tryna get some sleep and I've f***ing had it....I dunno, for now I'll be patient and hope my mind enters normalcy soon

Been thinking about it… for the last five years my mental health has been absolutely s*** for about 70% of the time. I’m very lucky for the life I’ve been granted but I think that caused me to hate myself for not doing more with it ultimately leading to me completely shutting down a lot of the time. I just always feel like I should be doing better whether it be with school, social life, girls, etc.

It’s a blessing in some ways because I’m never complacent with how I’m doing but it’s way more of a curse bc it causes me to absolutely hate the person I am. Like I don’t even know who I am, just who I should be.

Like man the only thing I really know about myself for sure is that I’m not happy with myself. I guess I’m a nice guy, I’m personable in a lot of settings, I’m a good friend—and even so a lot of the time I become the complete opposite of all of those things.

sorry to hear that youre having those thoughts. i sometimes look back on my life and hate myself for some of the decisions i made, but i always tell myself you cant live like that.

try to stay strong fam, understand that life for everyone is up and down. When you slip up just remind yourself, that those bad days happen to us all and they don't determine our future. Keep your head up fam

dont take how people treat you as an attack on you. not all people have good intentions, and thats not your fault. keep being a good person and your life will be a happier life!

Anyone itt have experience with psychiatrist. Whats it like

I try so hard man but I think I’m just cynical towards my own existence at this point. Outside of my family, anyone I’ve ever loved has ended up s***ting on me. Of course I have to take responsibility for my own actions in those situations, but I feel like emotionally I’m always getting the short end of the stick and at this point why even try

Don’t take them people so personally fam. If they s***ted on you that’s between them and them. Keep being who you wanna be, and be a nice person.

The friends that make it through our early - mid 20’s are our only real friends imo, so maybe they weren’t long term friends anyway.

Life’s long, you’ll meet new people some bad and some good, just be you fam and let them come and go if they choose to.

thank you so much

i do this and the opposite at the same time

so burnt out jfc