Yeah yeah yeah.

"Happy"

I mean in a grander content of fullfillment, not necessarily just hedonic gratification, but rather building a life not rooted around security.

I don't know why I'm this way.

But the idea of building a life around security just seems very purposeless and when I'm doing it I become depressed.

Imma just keep dreaming and working hard, nd if I hit rock bottom doing this, then I suppose it was worth it.

Idk, sorry future self.

I guess to me it's goes.

Life is going to f*** you up anyways, things are going to fall apart anyways, security is just a concept in the head.

Building equity in a concept, for what? Generational success and wealth? Im not having kids, if I do it'll be because I succeed.

Yeah sure financial situation.

I am fortunate in many ways, I'm qualified enough to get a position to pay all my expenses and save. Plus I have some financial equity.

A relationship? Hahhahahhahhahaahhsgajgaha
Yeah f*** all that noise. Imma keep building the one with myself thnkx.

No right or no wrong, the dissolve of meaning, not feeling connected to anyone or anything, depression, purposeless existence.

Well then I'll find my own. So...

I'm aware I don't relate to you!
My goals and my version of success is not yours.
I'm comfortable being my own individual.
Terrifying to be alone, but we are all alone in our heads anyways.

Someday I'll find someone who relates to me, but I'm not going to spend time to try to change things about me that I believe are positive characteristics to feel a connection, because then I'd be disconnected with myself.

That's complete dissociation.

I don’t even feel sad or angry anymore

I’ve just been floating lately, idk if it’s a sign of what’s to come or I genuinely don’t have anything to be upset about anymore

Not feeling good

I often think about where I can buy a gun and a bullet

I feel like s*** I hate this. Go to sleep sad wake up sad this s*** is wack. Nothing helps someone kill me plz

Only get excited when I'm f***ing my life up

Yeah I think I either easily forget or just bury it deep enough to not even come up. Like at work everyone says I come off pretty happy go lucky and chill when that’s not the case AT ALL. Took someone to point out in just concealing my feelings in general

Health anxiety is a f***ing b**** & a half.

It doesn’t help when old friends don’t want to talk to you anymore

yeah this is taking over my physical health too. feel like a corpse loob

you'll realize it's for the best in the end

people grow and change

Finding new friends as an adult is impossible

yeah it isn't easy but they're better quality when you do find them because most of them will come from mutual interests in whatever hobby or type of work you do

in school what most people have in common is the fact they just go to the same school

Feeling insecure

Same. I feel like s*** when no one talks to me.

Idk if it's even that, I just felt like I had something going for me for a little, then I get in my head about it, it's just so hard to "know" with certain things so you just have to operate with blind faith and not think about it too much.

Also you are always free to @ me. I'm around

Also f*** negativity in general and being subjected to pessimistic people. Idk if I'm just changing or what's up with me but I also just don't like dark humor, or things highly explicit.

Fry's my brain, makes the world seem awful place, and I think people may just keep themselves there.

Im going to just avoid it with blind faith that there is "better" out there. Tired of this s***, tired, tired, tired.

I want to believe

Pg-13 round these parts u heard