Even when I'm a part of something I still always feel like an outsider

we really do be like sisyphus

I hope you’re well.

I don’t really think about you anymore, only when I check this site or someone pings me in the ktt finance discord.

I wonder what you ended up doing. Like did you ever really leave the psych ward, did you become at peace with yourself. Did deleting discord work or just temporarily.

I moved on, but I’m still human and wonder what happened from time to time. You’d think the same if someone you used to talk to everyday just disappeared. I like to think you got some stuff figured out and are happy with who you are.

I haven’t had irl friends in so long. Maybe I’m too far gone

idk how i be feeling, cant get s*** done, feeling like garbage about it, friends and fam worried and. i just wanna dissapear man , start again

I kinda hope my fam outlive me

cuz if they don't I'd fr have nobody

I feel an interesting way.

I have control over my internal meter for self judgement right now.

But there is a dissonance because sometimes I do things before really a***yzing them within the context of that meter.

Which causes anxiety. But really my actions are the things that determine the worlds impression of me. Which forms my impression of me.

Maybe it's a fear of hypocrisy, idk f*** it.

One of my goals this year is to be less hyper vigilant in terms of self reflection on a micro scale. Sooooooo

F***it

Also so you don't have to watch everyone die

a little naive maybe but atleast i still have hope

the family aspect is weird because the only, and i mean only, reason i’m alive is because i don’t want to hurt them

but they do nothing to alleviate the pain im feeling. and that’s not really on them. my brain is broken. but they aren’t the support system i need them to be, and it almost feels like their presence is an unfair obstacle to the only solution for me. i know that’s f***ed up to say, but that’s how it’s felt since i was a kid.

i can see this stress s*** becoming a problem

feel like im on a rollercoaster at the top of a huge drop and im just dreading everything

except this is my life not a rollercoaster so its basically like i have no harness

everything would be fine but i can be so tempermental i just dont want to f*** everything up. at this point i barely care how things turn out im just going thru the motions, which sucks because i used to care so much about so many things

imma try to go home see my family real soon cus i need someone who will just listen and care about what i have going on

i really f***ed my entire future over, im so useless and weak

ive progressed 0 since the 6th grade

i need to get the f*** out of here its my only option but at the end of the day its just a f***ed up and convoluted way of running away from responsibility

We fight.

sometimes I wish I would just die in my sleep

life been so trash that i didnt realise it was going to be my birthday until someone else mentioned it to me a few hours beforehand

officially turned 23 as of 1:30hr ago

after a decade dealing with depression im finally tryin some prescription meds. not all that happy bout it but f*** it, lets see what they be like

happy birthday

hope s*** starts getting better for you bro

my cat was just diagnosed with cancer and I’m in shock

don’t wanna lose my sweetheart

Letting go is my life, I'll be on my way

Sorry to hear about your kitty. Hope everything will be fine soon

Wuh da fuk man.

Happy 2 be me, but scared 2 be me, cuz me a little wreckless.

Imma make some badDecisions™

Fukkem, let's see where this gets.

Imma need a binky after this 1

Safe is boring I don't know.

I'm not happy when I'm making safe decisions