i hate everybody government niggas b****es society everything

i hate it all

I need to kill the lone wolf mentality

I have family I care for (even if they dont care about me)

friends and gfs that I didnt give em the respect and love they deserved

even enemies I never properly apologised to for all the s*** I did

and these thoughts of self-pity, self-hate and selfishness need to get the f*** outta my head asap.

I dont know how but I'm working on it.......

Matthew 7:3-5
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Existential crisis + missing ex are a bad combination

So close to messagung her even though i shouldn't know that im just tying her and the past to an imaginary better place.

I feel like everyone in my life is pulling me in every direction and one day i might explode

disappearing from everything online for a while !

need to clear my head will be back when something important happens or something lol me thinks

had to call out of work today, i’ve barely eaten or had anything to drink the last couple days my body is so hungry and dehydrated i don’t think i can physically exert myself at all

i want to feel normal again

this is without a doubt the lowest point in my entire life and i'm really not sure how to deal with it

just sobbed for like 10 minutes straight

i hate this so much

Anxiety taking over again

i got suckered into doing another ketamine infusion

this time i committed suicide during the trip in my head
and became an inanimate object.

i have these random little moments of clarity sometimes where i almost kind of feel better but they never seem to last long

i’ve been thinking about other times i’ve had bad episodes of depression and most of them don’t even come close to how i’ve been feeling this last week, especially the last few days. this is the first time i think i’ve really experienced debilitating depression fr. like not eating, drinking, or even getting out of bed to go the bathroom etc it’s crazy

in retrospect a lot of those episodes were pretty mild at least compared to this tbh this is another level

we love u lover

People love to jump on the "We need to talk about mental health" bandwagon when a celebrity commits suicide or accidentally overdoses. That's cool, but where's that energy when someone they personally know is having a hard time? Instead, we get stigmatized as losers and weirdos the moment we're hurting, and it seems like that's how they'll always see us even if we make progress.

not to mention you have a plethora of "gatekeepers" who tell us we're not "actually depressed" and should be grateful for what we have. it's f***ed too because when someone has the flu, you don't say "welp you should've washed your hands"

having a panic attack

havent had one in over a month

i feel like im dying

im worrying about things i shouldnt be worrying about but i cant help it my mind just keeps racing

Im trembling at 1000 rpm

thank you

I threw up everywhere