Theory

5y

My dumbest alcohol experience, where I think my gf at the time may have been d***ged.

It’s a long ass story.

Characters: me, my gf R (now ex), my sister T, her new boyfriend J (now husband).

So me and R live in New Orleans, my sister and J come up to visit, my dad bought us tickets to a play called Joseph and the technicolor dream coat. We start drinking before the play and this play was not it. So we leave at intermission and go to strip club on Bourbon Street. Going to a strip club with your sister is kinda awkward. We’re in there for less than 20 minutes and R is basically passing out. She’s not a lightweight by any means, she was basically an alcoholic, so i think she may have been d***ged.

We step out on Bourbon and R starts puking on the side of the street

In between spews she says “I don’t have my purse”

I had just bought her this purse and a new phone for her birthday like a week before, she’s got her mom’s credit cards in there, and she left it in a strip club on bourbon street

So T and J go in to look for the purse while I tend to R. Then I start getting pelted with beads and plastic cups. Some group of people on a balcony above us are accusing me of trying to date rape my gf.

They were like “get away from her what are you doing”

A hot dog vendor brought us hot dogs which was nice af

T and J come back and weren’t able to find purse. Very disappointed. We grab a taxi and while we’re in the taxi I call R’s mom to tell her to cancel her credit card. Then R pukes in the taxi

The taxi driver tells us we have to pay $200. We were like “we’ll clean it, leave the meter running” and he was like “I will call the cops if you don’t give me $200”

Then J goes on this massive rant about the constitution. I don’t know what connection the $200 charge for puking in a taxi has to do with constitutional amendments, but he was passionate about this. He was quoting the Declaration of Independence like he was Tom Cruise in a Few Good Men. I was about to be like J, what the f*** are you talking about, when suddenly, the taxi driver says “ok I’ll let you clean it”.

All that constitution talk worked

We get to the hotel and clean the puke, and the taxi driver speeds off before we can pay him for anything lmao. So we bring R and T to the room, and I realize I had turned on R’s find my iPhone. I pull it up and track the location, and it’s at the same strip club. So J and I decide to go back and find it.

While we’re on the elevator I said a little prayer to myself that J not get us into any shenanigans, because dude seemed unhinged after the constitution rant. Then he turns to me and says “if we see the purse, grab it and run”.

Like bruh, it’s gonna look like we’re stealing the purse if we do that. We argue about this as we walk through the lobby.

We step outside the hotel and J yells out to these two random dread head guys “hey man you got any cigarettes?”

Dread head guy turns and says “who the F*** you yelling at?”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Theory

5y

CONTINUED:

I’m a non-confrontational guy, right here I would’ve bounced lmao, but J walks up and says “I wasn’t yelling at you bruh I was asking for a f***ing cigarette”. They get in each other’s face and stare down, I’m fully expecting J to get jumped rn.

Then they all start laughing like

And they’re like “yeah we’re Ross and puff puff, we’ve got some cigarettes here you go man” and give J ciggys. We start talking with them and they want to join us on our quest to get the purse.

Sketchy dudes, they try leading us down some alleyways a few times but we stayed straight. Then they start talking about d**** and J tells them he’s gonna buy $500 worth of percs once we get the purse back

J explains to me privately that he’s saying that to ensure they won’t jump us in an alleyway, because they think they’re gonna get money from us later and that we have no money on us now. Not a bad plan tbh

Except now we have to be prepared to escape Ross and puff puff as soon as we get the purse

End up getting back to the strip club and we walk in because we already paid and Ross and puff puff sneak in. We ask around about the purse and nobody’s seen it. J tells a stripper he’ll give her $1000 if she finds it and she comes back 2 minutes later out the dressing rooms with it

So J tells the girl he’ll be right back. Ross and puff puff tell me to buy them a drink to celebrate lmao. I was broke and strip club drinks are expensive, but I bought us all shots. They do the shots and then say “so where’s my drink? That wasn’t a drink it was a shot”.

J’s like “oh we’ll get you a drink y’all wait here” and we just leave lmao. As we’re leaving, we see Ross, puff puff, and the stripper on the balcony yelling out at us

We get in the car, I’m driving, and J throws on Good Day by Ice Cube. Dude turns it all the way up and is singing along and then falls asleep mid-lyric

Went back to the hotel, had to carry R back to the car, throw her ass in the back seat and go home. Then I had to go work 5 hours later

And that’s all folks

easylaurel

5y

its hard to remember ur dumbest ones (at least for me)

the time i did something and then just fell down back on my hed and got stupid for like 15 mins with no memory

when they pulled the blade on my boi because i was having fun and turning up (cunts)

disputes about how much light we should have in the house on acid (lights on gang i gota be in the sunny mood)

takng an RC and being spaced out for 3 days while in m parents house and having to not let them notice (baiscally i said i was sick and tired or something and lazed about)

but for me the funniest one on hand is a really short and simple one

the club found my friend with goods and his boss

and we had all just popped (X) but if he gets kicked out were not gonna hang there bcos its his fave club anywhere i dont even like techno

so we walk out an hes really sad and not dealing with the situation well

and i tell him bro lets just switch clothes and we'll get in (i was just shooting s*** tbh)

so we swapped our jackets and shirts pupils like a full moon and proceed to fool the bouncer and turn up for the next 5h

sony

5y

Don’t EVER post a link to that dusty ass website again u hear

Theory

5y

Read it lmao, good stuff

WHaaaT

5y

Tripped on some research chemical psychedelic while taking molly also, wasn’t right in the head for a year no exaggeration

WHaaaT

5y

Tripped on some research chemical psychedelic while taking molly also, wasn’t right in the head for a year no exaggeration

jozen

5y

never touching acid

NakedBalenciaga

5y

F*** dxm

Travis Bot

5y

Crine I used to do that s*** when I was young... I’d buy hella bottles at the 99 when I was broke.

NakedBalenciaga

5y

I thought it was the s*** until I tried psychedelics. Haven’t looked back since

Travis Bot

5y

2ce or 2cb?

I snorted 2ce a couple of times f*** that s*** way too weird of a high.

WHaaaT

5y

4homipt from lysergi

Travis Bot

5y

Just googled it, that sounds fun af

NakedBalenciaga

5y

F*** dxm

Shammy

5y

I did fake acid

Realized that day mid trip that I had a chemistry final

Took said final

Got a 40

Shammy

5y

I did fake acid

Realized that day mid trip that I had a chemistry final

Took said final

Got a 40

NakedBalenciaga

5y

Jesus Christ lad

STUNNA

5y

So the full story is

My homie Justin hits me up & says “yo it’s my birthday lets link” I’m like okay bet

Me & my friend Luke take him & his love interest Maya to the pier after taking some drops of lsd

On the ride there Justin starts crying and s*** Because of the music (So Far to Go by Common was playing) also note this nigga has trauma from his brother passing away & some more s***

In between bawling in the back seat this nigga is like trying to touch on Maya and she’s kinda rejecting his advances & encouraging them at the same time

We reach the beach around 4:30 & this nigga hop out the car & hit a full sprint to the water with Maya right behind him

As soon as Luke & I catch up to them we start setting up to chill.

I decide to take a snap to let our friends know where we are.

The very moment I take the snap I hear Luke behind me say “JUSTIN NOOOOOOO”

This nigga dropped his drawers in the water and is trying to make advances on Maya right next to a large ass Mexican family,
The Mexicans starts screaming and running out the water

At this point some white girls see this nigga and start cheering & hyping him up while we are trying to calm him down

A photographer on the beach sees him & start taking pics, Justin notices and hit a f***ing Thanos sprint directly at that nigga & The photographer runs for his life

Eventually the cops come & are mad confused they hem him up & take him away

At this point it’s like midnight & we still have Maya who we don’t even know like that & is high out her mind and we had to take her ass home without reliable directions

Didn’t make it home till 3 am

Best day ever

EMY

5y

I thought you mentioned helicopters

STUNNA

5y

The cops flew over us twice before they pulled up in a truck

tottenham

5y

When I was in detention last summer my phone went off, in my school they searched people's bag when their phone belled
Then I realised I had percs next to my phone in my bag, so I swallowed them quickly before they took my phone (I was at the back). Bugging the rest of the detention for the next 45 minutes