It's not a self-absorbed or self-obsessed issue I'm simply being honest with myself by identifying a flaw of mine and trying my best to address it in a positive way

I'm currently very happy and I love my life it's just that I'm starting to realize that my unrealistic beauty standards may have a negative impact on my plans in the future to settle down and start a family and I fear that I may end up sad and alone in the end because of it

Literally what is happening to me right now

But every person I know who is either married/engaged/with kids is with someone I would never even consider being with because they simply aren't my type and after doing a lot of self-reflection I feel as though my "ideal type" doesn't even exist and it freaks me out

Essentially everyone who is getting married I see as unattractive and everyone I find attractive isn't marriage material

I don't want to get too Jungian (definitely too late) but you have control over your life and how you think, you control your destiny and where your life goes, don't forget that or minimise that

For sure thank you for this important reminder

I can only control the present and future so I want to make a concerted effort now to ensure that I put myself in the best position in the future to end up with someone whether that be with someone who fits my ideal type or I reprogram and evolve to be more open-minded and settle with someone else

One thing to remember: fashion is the highly curated artifice of effortlessness (stolen from Rian Phin)

so if you're caught up in that space it's natural to have those thoughts bleed into your psyche and assume you have the same unrealistic standards even though you weren't born with it and you aren't stuck with it

Sexual attraction (imo) is very largely determined by our thoughts and we have control over our thoughts if we understand the circumstances of which we're in

Idk if it would be a s***therapist or whatever kind of therapist, but talking to someone could help you get over this mental blockade and move on 🙇‍♂️

never settle, never put yourself (or even worse your partner) in the position where a prevailing thought in your head is that you don't find them attractive

I appreciate all the wise words of advice and for keeping it real with me

That's exactly what's happening I've been in the fashion field for a decade so over time it's altered my perception to an unrealistic level on what an "average girl" looks like since 90% of girls I interact with are models

I'm just not sure what the proper solution to this would be sometimes I feel as thought I have to reprogram my mind to not place so much importance on physical appearance and other times I feel as though I shouldn't "settle" and just pray that I will eventually cross paths with a beautiful girl who is also marriage material

Maybe I have lower standards but I feel like in 2025 if you live in a big cosmopolitan city like NYC (not in the suburbs) then nearly every girl in their 20s is into fashion and likes to look good so as long as you're not looking only for girls that look like they just left a casting call you'll find someone pretty and nice

The only reprogramming it seems that you have to do is think of only whether or not you find them sexually attractive (very different to just simply looking at someone and thinking they're pretty) instead of whether they're a trophy for you to parade around

It's not that serious!

"Yea bro my girl is ugly as f*** tbh. Will you be my best man at the wedding?"

Tbh I've only pursued the prettiest models from each event / shoot / runway show I've worked on but you're totally right the average NYC SoHo girl in her 20s is definitely good looking and some of them I would absolutely consider

The last 3 dates I've gone on that were with non-models I realized during the date that I had zero sexual attraction to them tbh

I don't see them as a "trophy to parade around" so my motivation isn't ego driven at all it's purely from having a high standard

I know it's not that serious but I don't want to self-sabotage to the point where I end up all alone in the end

LOL

Ironically this actually happened

You have to understand they don't say it in a mean way

It's basically "to be honest I didn't expect her to gain 100+ lbs since we got engaged but it doesn't matter to me at all because I love her with all my heart"

These are super nice but I was looking for something a bit more minimal and less luxury cause this would be an everyday utility carry (sketchbooks and pencils), and something i might wanna purposefully wear out, decorate and style with anything.

Ima probably move this inqury to the fashion sxn though, appreciate the input

Ooo ok I see I'll definitely let you know if I think of one that fits what you're looking for

I'm normally a tote or backpack guy so I'm not too familiar with messenger bags tbh

These are not people you should be envious or jealous of

saying something like this behind your partner's back is cowardly

damn thats crazy one red flag for me is smoking and not working out

Wasn't even behind her back the significant weight gain was due to an insane amount of binge alcohol consumption and it was an issue and addressed

Smoking is a red flag for me too

One ex I didn't like her smoking cigs so her "compromise" was for her to make her own homemade cigs since they were "healthier"

Another ex would vape and her "compromise" was not doing it in front of me but whenever we got into an argument she would pull out her vape and blow a huge cloud of smoke in my face

I didn't read all the posts, so she lost the 100+ lbs and now you/he find her attractive again?
Everyone has a reason for putting on weight, no person with perfect clarity of mind and structure in their life puts on 100+ lbs

No she unfortunately gained even more weight post-wedding and still drinks daily

Just that it was something that was communicated about in a healthy way and not "said behind her back"

You were talking about how you were jealous of your friends for settling and being happy with unattractive women meanwhile one of them is with an alcoholic that can't quit drinking, am I missing something here lol

What can I say they're in love and are genuinely very happy together and they're living their best life

Everyone has their vices and they both like to drink a lot but it doesn't prevent them from functioning daily

it seems like everything you say about relationships contradicts itself cause I just saw you saying how much you hate when your partners smoke and now everyone has their vices

I wish you the best and on this topic I'll leave it at that cause you're confusing me 🙏

I’m speaking from their perspective and logic and I personally would never tolerate my partner being an alcoholic

Me = High beauty standards and doesn’t tolerate any major red flags

My friends = Overlooks physical appearance by loving them for who they are as a person and overlooks red flags for the sake of the relationship since no relationship is perfect

I wish I wasn’t so superficial and strict and more like my friends so I could settle down and start a family

And thank you!! I really appreciate it

Can't relate. I've fumbled beautiful women since high school

How was it dating six women at once?
Did you make a thread about this?