DRCH

5y

hold her tight 💝you got this brother

SELAH

5y

Thank you so much for this,

I'll try to clean my house, I put my alarm clock with that just now ( with 5 different alarm clocks to see if I have the strength to do that )

the only thing im taking is victam for my anxiety and I don't take it a lot of times

I only do d**** , Molly or x , a few times a year (3/4 max) and haven't done it in months tho

I can't smoke weed because it makes me more anxious

SuperMario

5y

I'd suggest you channel your frustration through making art since you're familiar with it instead of d**** and self-destructive behavior

also have faith in yourself, If this girl likes you she'll ride with you even when things get tough. If not, f*** her, she's not worth your time

and for f***'s sake get right with your mother. You already lost your father and she lost her husband. You both need to have a healthy relationship with each other.

Ethic

5y

Great that you've set the alarms! That's the way!
We won't be there tomorrow to shout at you, so if you feel like it do it yourself and do a motivational cry if you struggle getting up, like Tarzan or a loud "I'LL DO IT NOW!!!" lmao, I dunno. But I have a good feeling you're goona pull through! :)

You're on a good path if you're off the d**** atm.
Try to steer away from them until you feel like you've hit the point where you stabilized your life. Tho D**** can help to fight the symptoms of a depression, they don't take away your problems, that's why more than often they're more of a nuisance in situations like yours.

SELAH

5y

unfortunately having a good relationship with my mother isn't an option, and believe me I tried everything and I love her very much , but she's also why I am mostly like this so a relationship is completely impossible

GoodFella

5y

was ur mom married to ur dad when he died

Ethic

5y

They way you're describing this sounds like you're stuck in a loop. There are times when one has the feeling that he/she doesn't move forward, I've been there too.
Things like this are always difficult to discuss if we don't know you in person, especially over a written exchange.

The good side of it is I feel like you haven't reached Shenzhen Levels of depravity yet, you being able to clearly state your situation and actually point out problems (Like the house, your anxiety and that you're displaying to others that everythings fine, while you're not feeling like it inside) shows that you're able to reflect and that's great. There are people that are in way worse situations and are not able to do that, this speaks for yourself, you should aknowledge that, seriously. And don't be depressed because therapy didn't work, it's not for everyone, you yourself are your best therapist because you know yourself better than anyone else. Your strengths and your qualities that still need to be worked on.

Like @ROVO stated, appreciate the people and little things you have and that support you. It's those that will help you move forward. Sometimes when you think about everything negative that's coming at you at the same time it can feel quite overwhelming, try to get out of the hole step by step.
For example next thing you do when you wake up tomorrow and have time is clean your house, just do it. It will help you to get structured and you've accomplished something. Take it from there. But don't just say you'll do it, really do it. First thing in the morning. Even if it really annoys you, in the end it's better than feeling angry with yourself for procrastinating life.

The things you studied sound awesome, you have great tools available to express your creativity and tell stories to the world, (It'd liked to study this myself, but my skills lied elsewhere, used to try cutting videos when I was younger with PSE). Surely there are a lot of people that could be in need of your talents elsewhere, the world is bigger than just the area you're in right now and if only a puny driving license is holding you back, don't worry, I still haven't got one myself and I'm doing just fine (even if most of the people in my field are bound to need one, so I'll probably need to catch that up one day too lmao, just didn't need it up until now). Maybe if you're able to lift yourself you'll find the power to even be an enterpreneur and work as an independent director. Who knows, you're still young, you've got time.

There's also always the option to take some time off and move to another place for some months or another country. Do an exchange, see the world, learn a new language, there's more to see than the society which you feel pressured by and there are a lot of places in the world where you can live without much money. You could do something completely different than the things you've been working on until now, volunteer or heck, who knows even make a documentary abroad, I'm sure you could do it with your skills (Not saying this is the solution, I'm just trying to give you ideas).

Keep strong OP, don't let yourself get dragged down, no matter what anyone says, we're all valuable human beings, even if sometimes we're showing our worst sides, there's still a light inside which wants to shine.

On a sidenote (without judging):
Are you taking any medication or d**** that make you feel nauseous and are hindering you f.e. to clean up your house?

SELAH

5y

they divorced two months before

DRCH

5y

hes from a third world country leave him alone bully

SELAH

5y

unfortunately having a good relationship with my mother isn't an option, and believe me I tried everything and I love her very much , but she's also why I am mostly like this so a relationship is completely impossible

hey man relax

5y

you are being tested friend

this is the moment where you must push harder and further than ever before

Ellinia

5y

Quality post. I hope OP can take some from this.

SELAH

5y

i saw your lineage from the other thread , I think we're probably from the same country

SELAH

5y

they divorced two months before

DRCH

5y

im in north america lol

SELAH

5y

don't be sorry for helping me , me talking to someone here really made me feel like im not alone right now and that's great

you're a beautiful person, thank you. I'm trying to fight and people like you are a huge reason for me to fight and see there's more in life and there's people that have good hearts and understand each other

Tyler

5y

Hey man, my father died when I was 16 and my relationship with my mother is nonexistent. So I see where you're coming from. Honestly idk what exactly you did in the industry but my suggestion is just create s***. Always helped me get out of a slump

SELAH

5y

unfortunately having a good relationship with my mother isn't an option, and believe me I tried everything and I love her very much , but she's also why I am mostly like this so a relationship is completely impossible

Ooo

5y

Thank you too, really. That’s one of my reasons for never giving up. There are very swell people out there that makes all these s***ty things that happen bearable.

SELAH

5y

im from Portugal , just found it funny tho because your lineage is from here

SuperMario

5y

damn

at least your conscience is clear about it If you tried

I dunno If this would help you but how about you start working out or getting into martial arts? It would give you a rush similar to d****, help you sleep and make you look and feel better.