Should probably stop cutting yourself with a box cutter immediately. Tetanus is no fun

I can deeply relate to this @op

I would tell you to find a new job that makes you happier but I know that’s like finding a needle in a haystack. I’ve been bouncing from toxic workplace to toxic workplace these past few years and have a similar feeling of burnout

are you in a really bad financial situation at the moment? bc if not, I’d recommend you just stack up a bit and take some time off work just to reconnect with yourself and rediscover what makes life worth living to you. it may make things easier

i’m sending you love brother

look for a therapist asap and if the first one isn’t a good fit don’t get discouraged

I’m sorry but this got me dead as f***

If I had the option to hug you right now I would

I’m the same way at work. Feel like a mindless depressed zombie at work. S*** is slowly but surely killing my soul

S*** makes me just wanna kill myself and those urges to do it just grow and grow each day

But hang in there man. Life seems f***in awful, but we just gotta hold on long enough to get pass this pain and suffering

So I had a major breakdown last night. I contacted my closest friend and she told me she was not sympathetic and I just wanted attention because she’s been telling me to get help and she doesn’t understand why I don’t do it, saying her life is harder and she’s doing something about it. It got really ugly and then she told me she never saw me as a romantic partner in the 2 years I’ve known her until last few months but I blew it. And I always knew she had a predominant interest in women but she always told me she was struggling with her sexuality and maybe considered herself bi. But basically it was the ugliest night I ever had.

I told my parents soon after that I was struggling and showed them the cuts on my arms and torso. I slept over and my moms friends house and I’m trying to do something productive today. But I do need more sleep.

I’m lucky that my parents still provide a place for me. I don’t pay rent but I do loan money to pay for bills if needed. Unfortunately, I’m not particularly independent in any part of my life and it’s becoming a problem. But I also know if I move away, I’ll be alone. And I’m afraid of that most of all.

op look into aspects of cognitive behavioral therapy you can integrate into your life without necessarily needing to pay for a therapist (although i would recommend seeing one if you have the means)

mindfulness, guided meditation, thought logs, beck's cognitive triad. you can google any of these and find some good info

not to say this isn't the answer down the line but if someone is self harming and you tell them to become a marxist i think you missed the mark in addressing the primary issues

life is a puddle of piss

Thank you for sharing this. I truly feel you as I've been there before.

Maybe youre overwhelmed with things to do, maybe take a step back, write everything down on a paper and just dont do anything. Give yourself a break, allow yourself to feel like s*** for a day. Just for a day.

And always work on one thing at a time, one day at a time.

That’ll make him want to die bro

Doesn’t seem like a friend to me OP.

Go for daily walks

what an absolutely evangelical-esque and tone deaf response to this thread, you aren't as objective and logically oriented as others purport you to be whatsoever

no job is worth your mental health my guy, i think it would be in your best interest to attempt to find something else that you can do for starters, loss of interest in things you previously enjoyed is a classical sign of a depressive disorder as well, i think you should try to take a step forward and find other things that may interest you - in addition to seeking help and opening up to anyone close to you who can lend an ear of sorts

also, self harm is A VERY dice-y habit, i suggest you to stop it early while you can, because once you get in the groove of doing it, it becomes very difficult to stop

much love OP

Mom taking me to a hospital to talk to someone and find a course to healthy again

the American propaganda that is "independence" is a hole. don't jump to rush into it. everyone is different.

She is. She was really upset because I seem to breakdown at very inconvenient times. My first breakdown was on her birthday and now it’s a few days before a placement test for schooling. So she’s resentful for that. But she’s checking on me later tonight. So wish me luck

I don’t like that she says her struggle is harder than yours. Nobody should compare their struggle.

Yeah she threw me for a loop with that. She’s been through similar situations but she really doesn’t have much of a filter when she’s mad.

Its good that you are doing your best for what you can right now to make your life better even though its hard. Trying to get your sleep together is really a foundation quality of life improvement that will drastically impact how you feel in some months down the road. Depression and anxiety and mental health challenges make our immediate surroundings feel much more important and permanent than they are. That mental prison is tough to get out of. Get outside lots and keep active it'll distract your mind. When I was going through a bad breakup and feeling probaly the lowest I ever had, self harm ideation suicidal ideation etc I was rock climbing and shooting hoops every day. It didn't make it go away but It did distract me enough from it for me to work through that period and looking back on it now keeping my body healthy was defiently positively impacting my mental health. Dont give into hopelessness you can always look towards a brighter future. And encourage yourself. If your doing the right thing and it feels hard tell yourself that your doing good. Dont beat yourself up over inactivity, just gently remind yourself to do something better. Actively work against that voice in your head trying to convince you of your worthlessness. This is only temporary. You will get better.