“There’s someone in my head but it’s not me.”

somehow when my brian thinks im at my lois, i peter even lower

i dont know how to move on

just give me adderall omg. Doctor is prescribing me so much different s*** and won't give me a stimulant. Im experienced so many side effects with these new medications omg

currently sitting in my campus' food court feeling like im going to puke. cant even finish my 6 inch subway sub

someone just f***ing kill me already

Every day im dying

The oxy intake at an ATH

It’s been months but she still occupies my mind every day.

Some days good, some days bad. But with oxys everyday becomes robotic.

I know it’s not healthy but it’s just temporary. It’s insane how I still miss the single most abusive person I’ve ever been with and know she is a pretty horrible person lol… But the longing is still there

Sometimes I think back and wonder if I’ll ever find someone better than her. And I know the answer is yes because she’s a pretty morally bankrupt person, but I have to remind myself of that. Otherwise I think back to the times laying with eachother just so content and happy, and that s*** just hurts.

Hope it goes away soon and we can stop the oxy!

Just having some place to type everything out and put the energy into the universe is cathartic

I truly think it helps me mentally move past this.

Oxy is one hell of a d*** mane i struggle so much to escape it myself.

Yeah, I agree with you that airing things out whether it be sporadic in delivery is therapeutic

I’ve gotten over alot of stuff over the years just by venting in various versions of this thread and other accounts from ktt1 to here.

It has helped me then, and I don’t think it’ll be different now. I just know it takes time, even though it hurts like a mfer rn

managing emotional debris is a difficult task 😢

you shouldn't be too hard on yourself during the healing period I would recommend some self-love because I think sometimes we can be too hard, and too self-critical on ourselves.

Yeah, I’m pretty broken right now. Haven’t dealt with this level of heartbreak before.

Definitely a mess, I’m fortunate that I’ve had alot of project building to keep me busy.

But it’s a for sure life marker in terms of low points.

I’m taking baby steps to rebuild, better than nothing.

I'm really sorry to hear that b. It's brutal when these emotions coming into the fold and taking time away or taking things to slow there is no shame in that. It's very daunting too when you first encounter these emotions too as it can be overwhelming and confusing. It really ain't easy.

If you want to chop it up on the messages function on here, or over insta dms i'm hear to listen.

man im really tired

It might not make sense at all but for such a long time, pretty much most of my life, I was convinced that no one would ever want me as a boyfriend/partner, not talking one night stands, but a serious relationship.

I was convinced I was trash and that no one would ever like me. What did I have to offer, why would they take me? My self esteem was extremely low, still is but it's getting better. People saying I look good, that I am kind, whatever they be saying I didn't believe it.

The therapy, self improvement, everything is working.

Man I can't believe that she is calling me her boyfriend

Things are looking good, maybe a bit too good, that scares me always

i gave up

rip my hopes and dreams i dont wanna wake up

@KFA you should be proud. You're an inspiration, and an example for everyone who has no hope. Things can truly turn around for everyone 😌 ❤️💕💚

Self Love & Compassion go a long way

Thanks for the kind words

Yeah exactly, things really can turn around. Never give up hope, no matter how difficult things get. I've been there, where it feels like it'll never get better, but you cant stop fighting, some day it'll get better.

The fighting/struggling is difficult but in the end you'll be glad you kept fighting.

some reason decided to make a list of all my failures the last 10 years

Should have made a list of your successes. Giving attention to the negative won’t ever make you feel better

yeah i think i wanted to feel bad

“How long can I survive with this mentality?”