Man anxiety is a b****. Constantly overthinking stuff instead of acting has hindered so many opportunities, add some insecurity as well and you have a recipe for disaster, a feeling of being surrounded by insurmountable walls that i wont ever be able to climb. Its such a s***ty feeling, and its so much worse when i realize that i've been able to overcome these walls before, and yet i still find myself stuck. Tired of this prison man.

And now i just found out yesterday this coworker im into and thought was into me got a bf already and i feel like i wasted a month, apparently misreading every possibile sign despite trusting myself this time, never even tried to ask her out, although atp i know the answer she would've given me. Now i dont even know how to proceed, cause it got to me and shes my superior, she noticed ive been feeling blue but i cant tell her the reason. It shouldnt hurt, but it does cause ive been single for all my life basically and at a certain point you kinda do want a relationship you know, that kinda love you cant get from family or friends, although i do treasure them as well.

Def need a therapist lol, but at least i found somewhere to vent, cause its hard to bottle up my emotions after a certain point.

i think its gonna be a rough winter for my mental health

was gonna make fettuccine alfredo but i f***ed up the sauce

violent thoughts

Anyone on buspar

:(

i am an empty empty human being

this is so hard i cant do this

i abandon all the good feelings and live and die by the bad ones

I was talking to a professor today. He told me he's seen so many students coming to him with total mental breakdowns. Like he says he spends a ton of his time basically being a therapist when it's not his job

I just say this so know that everyone is struggling and life is hard these days. If your breathing your doing everything right. As long as you survive you're doing it right

I’ve already accepted it’s only amount of time until I finally snap and kill myself lol. S*** sucks bro I get it.

You wonder how your life got to this point. S*** isn’t fair.

We’re down in a hole that’s way f***ing too deep to climb out.

The biggest mental disease with no cure.

with mental health theres good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks, bad months and good months, even bad years and good years

and while there isnt a 100% cure there are things that can make life more manageable and enjoyable.

im in a 3-4 month period of dark times but im slowly pulling myself out. taking therapy seriously and using a guided mental health app has helped.

i used to write off the skills my therapist would say if they didnt work the first few times, but really it takes many weeks of practice

for me currently every day is a fight, but i know im doing better because i want to fight and im not giving up like i have in the past

you can pull out of this too and learn skills to make it so the next episode isnt as bad as the previous one. it takes work, but putting in the work oddly enough gives the sense of hope we need

my refractionary period is long af now

mine always has been haha, im a one and done type guy 99% of the time.

i just accept it lol

i am grateful to god everyday that my ssri didnt f*** with my d*** too much

Forgot to take my meds this morning if any of my posting been weird the last little while, that's why

Feeling way more chill rn though because I'm doped up

my head is so messy right now

I wanna hibernate again but I need to wait to summer or next fall

I'm not physically disabled or terminally ill yet it feels like all I can do is watch myself die slowly

I have or been sleeping good the last couple of day, and to be honest I have not been sleeping good since my partner moved in.

So yesterday I tried taking some medicine, a antidepressant that makes me sleepy, and I have been sleeping so much and I feel so foggy.

I have had allot of dreams, mostly about having s***with strangers, and also dreaming about seeing my friends, and the dreams about my friends they always have something that gives them status, like a nice car.

I don’t know if these dream mean anything, but all the sleep I have been getting are really helping my back pain, but everything else in my life is going to s***s because of it.

The slang for the pills is “baby heroine”, and I get why.
It’s so comforting to just be able to shout myself down and nod over and away from life.
A part of me wants to end things with my partner so I can just sleep and listen to moody music and watch moody films.

I think I’m becoming addicted

being out alone in a big city at night is so heart wrenching

i was so so alone