Thank you brother. Great pp, currently rewatching it for the 7nd time or something

Still the last scene I want to watch is him dying.

Bodie was a soilder, solid, and told things as they were. For that I have the upmost respect for the character.

Prozac/Zyprexa got my nose itching like a mf

@wigg u got this man dont do nothing dumb

Sounds corny but no matter what, it seems like Rap is ALWAYS there to lift you up when you need it, never abandoning you...

Can’t believe I wasted my life and ended up becoming me

i lost my mom. before i even turn 27 almost my entire family has died. i feel like i owed her so much and ill never get the chance to repay it. i had one reason to consider going past 30, but at this point i cant handle doing anymore funerals

I’m sorry for your loss.

Thats gotta suck, really sorry to hear that

Insomnia up 3-1

I know it’s wrong but i think I’m developing scorn for any kind of “optimism”

gotta stay positive like old folks gotta stay moving

I’ve never felt this disconnected from my homies

Oh man.

It's been a few months since I've posted in here. I'll be honest, since I really have nowhere else to go, I can't help but feel like a fraud. I wake up every day supressing the negative feelings and thoughts I have. Every attempt I've made to get help gets met with my own self sabotage of "what's the point?"

I've lost over 50lbs and I'm not sure how much I can attribute to trying. I spend days not eating much, sleeping poorly, and feeling like I'm wasting away.

My daughter hugged me the other day and yelled out "dada", smiling and looking up at me. I try to be "there" for here as much as I can. I'm with her every day, we spend time together, etc. I fear for the day she realizes her old man is broken. I fear more that one day she'll feel the way I'm feeling.

I wish I loved myself and didn't feel this way. Here I am venting about real world s*** on a forum that used to be a break for me in my teenage years.

Please, please, please check in on your friends, family, loved ones, etc. Tell them you love them, cherish them while they're here, and do as best as you can to love yourself. I may not feel it right now, but I know that we're all worthy of not feeling this way. If nobody's told you, or you need a reminder, you're all valid and worthy of love, happiness, and anything good.

I'm not okay, I just hope one day I'll be alright friends.

Unemployment depression be f***ing me all the way up.

It's not due to income as much as it is routine to get up everyday and work

I've been conditioned and I don't like it.

Tfw u eternally alone and r3alizing it on mushrooms

We gotta pass this phase before it get better

Something’s gotta give. I can’t live like this much longer.

It took me quitting jobs, being broke, learning healthy coping mechanisms, facing my past, facing my fears, treating my self better, talking to myself in a more positive way, persistence even when things where stagnant/moving slowly, getting a new job, and finally seeing a therapist/psychiatrist.

But I no longer feel like everything is going to go s***. I don’t feel hollow inside. And I feel like I should care about myself and the world around me.

I’m gonna go be happy or something now. Not really sure what to do with this feeling other than enjoy it while it’s here. Maybe that’s all there is to do.

Nah we off that

I've been depressed on some level for years before this but now I'm going on nearly 3 years of little to no joy. I probably need to stop drinking and smoking but it's so hard to get home from work and face my issues head on when nothing else can successfully hold my attention. I've actually quit smoking and drinking (apart from rare exceptions) twice now, and each time was for 3ish months I think. The only thing that noticeably improved were my DPDR symptoms, so even if 3 months isn't long enough, it's hard for me to believe that enough to quit again. Maybe I just try cutting down first.

Either way, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Every little task that used to be second nature to me has been extremely difficult for almost 3 years. I spend nearly all my energy trying to appear "normal" around my friends, family and coworkers. I come home everyday exhausted with nothing to look forward to but drinking and smoking, which doesn't even really feel good anymore, it just helps get my mind off of things. It's the strangest thing, it's like my brain just doesn't have the serotonin or dopamine or whatever to make those things feels good anymore. I understand all substances tend to lose their magic when you abuse them, but it's just so weird for me to be actively inebriated and realize that I don't even feel good, just numb. Honestly, it's been extremely tempting to try something harder, but knowing my addictive personality it would probably be the thing the finally ruins my life for good.

It's just so difficult to keep living to not hurt other people. I think I would've dropped out of college and become a bum years ago if it wasn't for the fact that I need to make decent money if me and my girlfriend want to start a family. It feels so wrong to pass these genes on tho lol. That being said though if my girlfriend were to ever break up with me that might be lights out. She's really the only bright spot in my life. I love my friends and all, but most social outings for me are ruined because of my constant need to keep up appearances. It didn't used to be like that.

I've been getting increasingly bitter about this whole thing too. Why did it have to be me? Why are the years of medication barely doing anything? I was so naïve when I was younger. I was definitely depressed and anxious on some level, dealt with some OCD symptoms too, but I had no idea that it could get this bad. Like, you hear about people being hopelessly depressed but you just have no concept of what that actually entails until you experience it.

Sorry about the pity party / essay. It's just helpful to write this stuff out sometimes.

After some okay weeks, everything just broke down this week.