I’m seeing a behavioral health specialist in a month and my friend advised me not to go in their talking about meds or they’ll think I’m a d*** addict lol

Feel like meds would be way easier tho cause cus I have anxiety attacks every day now and don’t figure out how to make them stop

been feeling way better since i've been back into the exercise routine fr

Zoloft made me feel weird like i had a personality transplant but seems to be working for alot of folks

What do you mean by personality transplant

to someone not on either what is a normal person like

Congrats love to you

In general with therapy, behavioral health specialist or even psychiatry I think you want to let them do their job rather than go in like "I think I am this and the medicine I need" because all we got is web md, google searches and youtube. Like yes we know ourselves but help them see your behavior that you worry about or your mind without just telling them.

Bro idk man it’s hard to explain. Like a regular person? Idk man.., like an NPC I guess

that is part of what I fear. I think 2020-2022 just kind of mentally exhausted me in some ways. So I am rebuilding processes. Continuing therapy. Being kinder to myself. Its difficult when you want to be yourself in some ways , put to much stress or energy from others on yourself while at the same time notice the cycles of social media, internet, society and friends. Me personally I kind of withdrew from a lot of it.

That NPC feeling makes all days kind of blend. Feel the same or I take them for granted. So I ideally like to romanticize the days or get as much done, be thankful for life. When some see that energy though they label it as illness . So I kind of got to the point of where I don't know how to express without feeling judged or viewed.

"we are all going through something"

snapped me last year when a close friend said it. Cause s*** I know we all going through something nor am I saying I am the most important. I do what I can for others. However when I am going through a lot and trying to process it, articulate my emotions and where my head is at and someone is just dismissive especially when they asked me to vent I am like "the f*** you ask for then "

like maybe not as dramatic as that, but i just felt utter apathy towards everything like i was going through the motions without feelings. I had no passion for anything it was strange.

Peace

That s*** pisses me of so much man, it's similar to someone brushing it off, foh with that

This is the most annoying state to be in . I am in it non medicated. Nihilistic like states of feeling overwhelmed or like there are too many trials

lol it honestly ruined some of my 2022. In hindsight I wish I would have just let it go and recognize some friends will be dismissive. Friends will be trying to diagnose you even when you are like "I am making the effort to go to therapy and I am not sure". Its just a weird place to be in when someone doesn't view you as a friend or loved one anymore but feels like they view you as a case study of a mental illness. Then they say " I am __ too " or "I know someone with __ they did this and poof they good now you should do it too"

Only the person going through it really knows what it feels like, that's why everyone wants to be a smartass and give ideas on how they can fix you, but when you are the one that's actually hurting and have to live with this s*** 24/7, it's different. i have pretty much stopped sharing how i really feel with my friends and family, only my girl knows but not even sharing the pain dulls it, idk where i'm going with this now lol just tired of it all really

nah you good you don't always have to go somewhere with it. I got what you mean it helped to hear someone who gets it. I genuinely only have one friend who gets it. I used to more express my emotions through some people who I thought were my close friends. To get advice. Show its okay to not be okay. Feel not alone. Then I realized a lot of people we view as close friends don't give a f*** . S*** even s*** posting random memes to make people laugh throughout the day on instagram stories can have people like "you are _". When reality I used to post random memes or a "drink water" or whatever have you to show we are united. To show social media doesn't have to just be wins. When you only see wins on social media or arguments about non consequential bullshit its easy to drift into nihilism. When you see oh s*** this person a human being . Oh s*** they talking about going to therapy or going through depression or anxiety or feeling like they had their highest highs in life or break ups or feelings of betrayal . It helps looking at the phone feel useful rather than self destructive.

I feel like a lot of the internet can feel like self harm . S*** a lot of your day if you are hard on yourself for not having enough money, sex, possessions whatever have you. Its like an infinite high school feeling for some

Sharing the pain with someone who does understand or will also open up about their pain and then we plan together how to make progress is empowering

I definitely agree with you on how the internet feels like self harm, especially social media because you are being judged on that s*** constantly. I feel like that s*** has made my metal health much worse, it's exacerbated stuff like self depreciation that comes with depression and anxiety. The worst is the comparison aspect when you see other people posting/doing stuff, when you see someone with a new whip, or getting there career straight etc and you have that feeling that life is a race and you're getting lapped, especially by people who went to HS with and ya'll started in the same spot, it's DEPRESSING as F*** man, it's hard seeing other people live you dream maybe i'm just a salty as f*** person but idk, i'm tired of waking up everyday as my self, you know? anyways i just started venting. But yeah let's see how this thing plays out, still above ground, another day to try and turn it around i guess.

I for years to much success tried to subvert it, be self aware, be meta ( poke fun at the idea we maintain a perfect image for people that view our story but most won't have a conversation, call, communicate besides like a birthday. ). So sometimes its a feeling about a bunch of eyes in the bushes or something. You never know who is viewing your story that is rooting for or against you. You see people on vacation and you like "fuck just got to work harder". When I see people buy a house or get some career wins I love cheering them on. Others it feels like they just bragging

Nah its all love I am here any time I think you are chill good peeps. cause same feeling. Feels good to have empathetic moments on the internet so this isn't all a waste or harm. I get you

soft gentle stranger

Yep definitely not cut out for this world

Maybe I'll have more luck next time

I pray we do