Ike if I’m gonna make it through this winter

I need to have all the leverage.

Came back cause of You Season 3 briefly, love that show, leaving again tho.

Mental struggles are tough, it’s like your mind wants to shut off and end but your body keeps going through the motions.

Some new stuff came up from my PTSD that I hadn’t experienced before. Back on medication, grateful for a good doctor and just riding this time out again.

Hope everyone in here is well and can find peace.

You will ❤️💙💛

Cried about 50% of my session.

Grief is a wave of emotions

Went on ssris for anxiety disorder been off them for 4 months and now out of lockdown extreme anxiety hasn’t come back which is good but still empty as a motherfucker

Just want to disappear

everything seems so far away yet so familiar

I ain’t s*** and I’m human

But I can’t give up

How does it go when you cry in therapy like that? I'm super afraid of therapy but I really need it I'm just scared of being so open with someone about everything I feel, like its a lot of s*** and I won't be able to keep composure and like would it be weird to let everything out the first session idk. I'm super compulsive and in the moment that I can't focus on one topic at once everything hits me

My grandpa celebrating his 95th birthday in a coma like state today.
My 90th year old grandma is talking about dying 24/7.
My Mom has early dementia and is more and more confused with every other week. My Sister told her we will care for her. She ain't gonna do s***, I will care for her at the end of the day. She once left my mom on the floor while she had an epileptical attack and choking on her vomit because she wanted to meet friends. She visiting our mom like once a mom and cause a drama just to drive away and then telling me she's doing so much..

All that s*** is killing me inside. Was at the doctor 2 hours ago and she said I should go into psychiatry again before i have stupid thoughts...

It helps because I'm expressing my pain. The things I talk about with my therapist can be overwhelming and that's ok.

Tbh, I think going in with a mindset that I will need to open and knowing you can overcome it. It takes time.

Regarding just rambling/ not knowing where to start is ok. My therapist is helpful and still gives me advice when I just speak about everything at once.

cried in the 1st minute of my 1st session just get it out of the way and the rest will be easier less tension

you can get thru it b you are stronger than you know

I've never really put 100% effort into anything

over and over

I don't want to talk about it

paxil is the best anti-depressant ive ever taken

like, s*** actualy works

getting off it is nightmare-ish tho

am i worth it?

did i put enough work in?

Having another slump again smh

Finding life to be pretty volatile these days.

Things are constantly moving, yet unlike before I feel more able to adapt and move forward. Im still having trouble being quick to react, but sometimes taking time is better than being reactive.

A lot of projects in the pipeline, and instead if trying to do it all at once Im forcing myself to go 1 by 1. My mind doesnt like it, but in time i will get used to it.

Hoping and praying those who see this find time to slow down and develop discipline in areas you think are lacking. You got this, youve been through worse!!