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  • Dec 18, 2021

    I’ll keep ya in my prayers

  • Dec 18, 2021
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    1 reply
    Janet

    This year has been rough.

    My bf asked me if I was happy( in general with life) I told him no.

    Grief does change a person. I feel some of my sunshine died the day my mom went away.

    Currently, just taking happiness in moments and not days bcuz that’s a struggle in itself

    sorry for your loss. grief is such a difficult emotion. prayers to you to overcome it

  • Dec 18, 2021
    Johan

    he doesn’t know there’s a shotgun in the house and sometimes i look at it like is it gonna be the day, the argument, the moment where i’m the one to put a end to all of this.

    i don’t know the intricacies of your situation, but if you’re considering hurting someone and the people you love are getting hurt, i really think you need to contact authorities, or at least contact an organization that can get your family help. heartbroken to hear what you’re going through.

  • Dec 19, 2021
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    2 replies

    how can people fear death?

    its relief from all this bullshit

  • Dec 19, 2021
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    2 replies

    does anyone have positive experience with therapy who initially had negative feelings toward the concept? I have PTSD issues that a handful of times a year are like incredibly hard to deal with, and my girlfriend recommended i go to therapy for it since it's an issue which hasn't ever gotten better. When I was a kid I went to child therapy after my parent's divorce and ever since then I've harbored resentful and negative ideas about therapy and can't help but view it as a relationship with an invasive stranger, but I'm not sure what else I can do to deal with PTSD symptoms, so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The idea of seeking out therapy feels intrinsically wrong to me and I can't really get over that hurdle

  • Dec 19, 2021
    SERENITY

    sorry for your loss. grief is such a difficult emotion. prayers to you to overcome it

    Thank you ❤️

  • Dec 19, 2021
    KAYTRANADA

    how can people fear death?

    its relief from all this bullshit

    I have found a new meaning behind death bcuz of grief.

    I believe someone will mourn me and I try my best to be a good person. Have these good moments with my loved ones so they can remember me by ❤️

  • Dec 19, 2021
    krishna bound

    does anyone have positive experience with therapy who initially had negative feelings toward the concept? I have PTSD issues that a handful of times a year are like incredibly hard to deal with, and my girlfriend recommended i go to therapy for it since it's an issue which hasn't ever gotten better. When I was a kid I went to child therapy after my parent's divorce and ever since then I've harbored resentful and negative ideas about therapy and can't help but view it as a relationship with an invasive stranger, but I'm not sure what else I can do to deal with PTSD symptoms, so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The idea of seeking out therapy feels intrinsically wrong to me and I can't really get over that hurdle

    My therapy experience has gotten better.

    I’ve been with 3 therapist in the past 8 months.

    I believe the key to therapy is finding a therapist you can trust, which can take time. You also gotta put the effort in. It will take time to open up, but a good therapist knows that and works with you.

  • Dec 19, 2021

    On that note: I’ve been with my current therapist for almost 3 months and she said I’m progressing.

    I don’t see it tbh bcuz I’m struggling a lot still, but she said I’m opening up more.

    Little steps.

  • Dec 19, 2021
    HurryUpDevil4Angel

    Woke up from a dream where I was intimately cuddling. Don’t remember the girl but god it’s so demoralizing when you literally feel the happiness of a situation then wake up to what reality is

    I've had those dreams before. Where I woke up feeling happy, and it took like 5 to 19 seconds to realise it was a dream... What a s***ty feeling..

  • Turns out i been clinically depressed and had social anxiety disorders since ma 15 yrs old amongst others due to my adhd...

    So all this time my masking game been like A1
    Which also says alot again about environment and mental health...
    Many of my ADHD symptoms were just excused cause of my race...

    Growing up in a very white racist area, we are often nothing more than a few words;. Stereotypes

    Black people are lazy/nonchalant
    Black people are always joyful with energy
    They tend to be more aggressive
    They love to sports/entertain
    They are dumb
    Etc

    All these stereotypes i so called matched were basically very largely due to my adhd...
    See how far racism stretches folks

    Like, i been in rooms were white people falsely diagnosed others with adhd just cause they were hyperactive
    Meanwhile i was "sitting" there undiagnosed af, but my. Problem was; skin color

    Now ofcourse
    Add all the racism, abuse, neglect, broken friendships,promises, public humiliation, authority figures not standing up, nobody wants to listen but most of all nobody can listen cause they CANNOT RELATE therefor WON'T INVEST time trying to empathize

    Young me, ofcourse tried to fit but no matter what,i could just never get it or do it right and due to my impulsive nature, what they saw as quirky,. Znd the fact that ma mind easily wanders znd forgets, i was always an easy victim too

    So mister Black Do Good keeps trying but no matter what or how he always fails
    Which to them is hilarious
    Which to them means= stupid black boy

    Very interesting as u grow older, how u figure out these dynamics

    Now i have to explain those same white people, that joyful, witty, creative but stupid, nonchalant, slow znd nervous fast talking Kwasi had ADHD this entire time

    Ow boy;
    U just want to be the victim again?
    ADHD? so? Ur black u posed to be like that
    Lol, ur just stupid admit it.
    U dont look like u that hyperactive...
    Etc...

    Like wow, my potential was really blown to pieces
    I was really an ABSOLUTE STRANGER out here and the worst part is i always very aware of this even when i was young, i was ashamed
    We looked different, were treated differently,looked at differently, asked weird questions, diff family structure,skin color, not growing up with any of the same morals/values cause both ur parents are foreigners, mental disorder etc

    Crude world out there
    Be careful
    It runs deep, stigma
    And dont trust those around u

  • Dec 19, 2021
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    1 reply

    Ive hit the lowest point my life several times this year and here i am again

    Its just non stop and this one is going to continue for awhile

    Already tried killing myself twice this year and now its like im just stuck here to suffer

    All i can do is just keep getting punched in the face until the universe decides to stop

  • Dec 19, 2021
    ·
    1 reply
    krishna bound

    does anyone have positive experience with therapy who initially had negative feelings toward the concept? I have PTSD issues that a handful of times a year are like incredibly hard to deal with, and my girlfriend recommended i go to therapy for it since it's an issue which hasn't ever gotten better. When I was a kid I went to child therapy after my parent's divorce and ever since then I've harbored resentful and negative ideas about therapy and can't help but view it as a relationship with an invasive stranger, but I'm not sure what else I can do to deal with PTSD symptoms, so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The idea of seeking out therapy feels intrinsically wrong to me and I can't really get over that hurdle

    See a female therapist with a PHD
    They know what theyre doing and theyll let you speak

  • Dec 19, 2021
    ·
    1 reply
    KAYTRANADA

    Ive hit the lowest point my life several times this year and here i am again

    Its just non stop and this one is going to continue for awhile

    Already tried killing myself twice this year and now its like im just stuck here to suffer

    All i can do is just keep getting punched in the face until the universe decides to stop

    Same bro. It just keeps getting worse. Im just numb to it at this point. Going on a massive losing streak sucks.

  • Dec 19, 2021
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    1 reply
    JohnCena

    Same bro. It just keeps getting worse. Im just numb to it at this point. Going on a massive losing streak sucks.

    I dont understand man

    What did we do to deserve this?

    Theres people out there who should suffer for their sins

    Yet its us instead

  • Dec 19, 2021
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    2 replies
    KAYTRANADA

    See a female therapist with a PHD
    They know what theyre doing and theyll let you speak

    is there any reason you recommend over a male one with the same certifications?

  • Dec 20, 2021
    krishna bound

    is there any reason you recommend over a male one with the same certifications?

    Females wont speak over you and they have more of the empathetic touch you want from a therapist

  • Dec 20, 2021
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    1 reply
    krishna bound

    is there any reason you recommend over a male one with the same certifications?

    Now that i think of it most therapists dont have PHD

    But masters is a neccessity and preferably someone older with years of experience

    You dont want some young person whos just going to agree with you on everything

  • Dec 20, 2021
    ·
    1 reply
    KAYTRANADA

    Now that i think of it most therapists dont have PHD

    But masters is a neccessity and preferably someone older with years of experience

    You dont want some young person whos just going to agree with you on everything

    there's a guy near me who's certified and PHD and has like 30 years of experience and seems specialized in the subject i'm looking for. i figure i can try an introductory call and see if it feels right before moving forward with it. ive also tried getting an appointment separately with a sleep specialist doctor to try to treat my chronic insomnia issues

  • Dec 20, 2021
    krishna bound

    there's a guy near me who's certified and PHD and has like 30 years of experience and seems specialized in the subject i'm looking for. i figure i can try an introductory call and see if it feels right before moving forward with it. ive also tried getting an appointment separately with a sleep specialist doctor to try to treat my chronic insomnia issues

    yeah go for all them and weigh your options

  • Dec 20, 2021
    KAYTRANADA

    I dont understand man

    What did we do to deserve this?

    Theres people out there who should suffer for their sins

    Yet its us instead

    100000000%. I tried to do good with everyone, but theres way worse ppl like us that do way worse and they're rich, successful and get anything they want.

    Life really sucks

  • Well i guess this is the part where ppl can actually start cutting u off cause u actually crazy
    So instead of understanding
    They run

  • Maybe for the best

    Idk even tho i been feeling better cause of the meds
    Just feels like a facade sometimes, a layer of tissue like skin ready to peel off and reveal the potential madness hidden in me

    And this all also comes from feeling alone
    Actually being alone like, i contacted several important people about my issues that have been professionally diagnosed, they literally ignored the messages or problems as if im making excuses

    Making u only feel more misunderstood
    Literally like that tissue ready to drop,just paper thin, transparant, soft fabric, lightweight af
    Ready to drop.

    And i know with my adhd mind how complicated it can be to communicate on my own....
    But if that's what the people want or force me to do....

    Its painful
    Cause its a trick to cope they taught me in life
    Pushing me away with ma problems
    Neglecting them all together
    To then insult me or blame le for whatever

    Yeah its very easy to see why for me disappearing into this mode of self hatred is easy

    Everyone throwing rocks at u for non
    And when u acknowledge ur failures they'll just bash u even harder for it cause they think they know better

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