Environment 😔

Just wanted to hop in here and say that Zoloft has changed my life. Things are turning around

looking back at old screenshots i had so many good memories on this site

had the pleasure of chatting with a few incredible people that showed me that life is amazing and that it doesnt always have to be filled with negativity and dread
part of me wants to go back, but its best that i dont

Lil thought;
What if ppl on the spectrum when they tap into their specific mode,can actually communicate with our subconscious and maybe thats why our gut/instinct/creative side flourishes?

Like i was reading my lyrics,i wrote 5 yrs ago and they all seem to really reference my adhd
Funny thing;
This writing is always more so a stream of consciousness...

I do no think when writing or creating
I literally,like alot of creatives just see see It
When i write, it just flows

What i do tho is; filter

Now this is where my conscience part filters what comes from the subconscious

Now,i had no idea 5 years ago i had ADHD...
I always felt like something was up or wrong but then again u have no reference so i thought it was normal
Til i started getting older i had a suspicion

Like for example;
Sitting here, just like a commentator,
-worried about the common grounds,
exposing all my failures,
passive dread, maskin all the dead ambition in me,
meditative, so dont go throw all dirty laundry on me,
i try improve, but this state of mind got me in a lock,
i try to progress, but im still pushing lead off this rock,
i try manoevr and harvest from all the tears that ive dropped,
but my source is empty, man my emotions corrupt,

Had literally no idea where this all came from and what it specifically related to.

Until now

Was my sub already telling me?
Will edit and continue later

Happy to hear b 👍

I’m so self destructive and I’m tired of it

Its difficult 😞

yeah in the process of burning all my bridges and completely restarting somewhere new for the fourth time in five years lol it feels inevitable. hopefully we’ll find a way to stop but i feel your pain

I hope we both find a way to better ourselves, I relate to that so much as well

Me too but it comes down to my d*** habits and my extracurricular activities not treating people like s***. At this point I kind of avoid people since they don't understand me and b****es like me but inevitably come to realize I'm nuts.

Felt that. I started using delta 8 carts instead of smoking weed but now I’ve spent way too much money on that cause I always use things to avoid my issues instead of facing them

Weed is legit the least of my problems. I be on some other s***. But I feel you on the escapism even as a kid I would constantly distract myself. But my main hobby is so self destructive can't no b**** put up with that s*** for more than like 2-3 months. There like this boy crazy af. But I honestly don't care people and b****es come and go like the seasons but that hobby never goes aways it's there forever

And I've given up at times trying to get my s*** together but guess what it's never worth it. These b****ed be on that bullshit. so I might as well keep doing what makes me happy even if I have to pay the consequences for it.

S*** at least you have a girl at times

They ain't s*** I rather have friends. Those girls be like cut off your hoes so I can waste your time and in the past I been like sure why not. But now I'm like f*** that. They think I'm cute and my d*** game strong. But Im a menace I have nothing but fun and good d*** to offer. So I just play that role now. And the b****es I took serious violated the f*** out of me. I have PTSD now I rather be a lonely f*** who does whatever the f*** he wants and f***s here and there. Girlfriends are a waste of time.

Anyone can find a girlfriend. A good loyal girlfriend good f***ing luck might as well go look for a unicorn. I've f***ed girls with boyfriends, husband's, fiance's b****es really ain't s***

I been scary depressed lately as well I have this fear of being depressed forever

same here.

S*** is scary af I go to sleep depressed and I wake up depressed. I feel like I'm just going thru the motions my anxiety, depression, and PTSD have also made me hesitant to make connections I don't f*** with nobody. And it's been a long time too it's like f*** I guess this is life for me now.

I use to be happy and outgoing too. Now I'm like a shell of my former myself.

how long you been in this position? because i basically in the same anti-social mindset since '18 and s*** blows feels like i've lost all my social skills when i used to outgoing like you.

Like two years. I been to therapy and everything too. And I've learned a lot but it don't help. I feel like there's a duality to me tho sometimes I feel confident and I can talk to people but it ain't often it's probably when I'm at a rave loaded of molly and acid surprisingly a lot of girls f*** with me in that setting. But I use to meet girls everywhere Target, bars etc... Now I don't even try. Covid + bad break up + loss of job+ lots of street s*** have transformed me. I don't think I'll ever be who I was.

People f*** with me tho I'm a good friend. And girls like me until they get to know me. Maybe I'm just a piece of s***.

That's why I refuse to get into relationships let's just keep it friendly and have fun you won't like me when you get to know me anyways