santi

3y

I can't see myself having a normal adult life, I really cant function bruh.

Soo Diff

3y

I see. Very nice I would like to hear it. I don't think we're alone as we think many people probably feel like this. We live In. A society built by others and we have to play by there rules. I'm a rebel tho I'ma do wtf I want when I want and can't nobody stop me you gotta lock me up or kill me and as soon as I get out I'm f***ing s*** up again I cannot be stopped. But I also realize I have to build motivate and inspire I can't just destroy and kill everything. Music is a great creative outlet I wish I was good at that I have a collective of mostly producers and I'm kinda the leader the organizer but I don't have much musical talent I like the art thing and if someone needs to get slapped the f*** up I'm the guy to do it. And it's super hard to find rappers/singers who want to work with my boys. But I'm determined to make something happen.

Jowe Buddew

3y

You got a portfolio anywhere?

krishna bound

3y

trying to fix your lifestyle after all your bad decisions catch up to you at once is really incredibly challenging. i think i actually preferred the days back when i was grinding out 20-30+ hour workdays to the situation i'm in now.
i was really living an unhealthy lifestyle for years and developed chronic insomnia and had a really bad bout recently of 2-3 nights of complete sleeplessness and crazy night-time anxiety and mood-swings.
leading up to this like i definitely forced myself to develop a n24 sleep disorder because i was working like 18+ hour days regularly then sleeping 7-8+ hours after taking 2-3+ hours to fall asleep each night, and supplementing like crazy and cycling between sleep supplements of which only really worked sometime anyway. i had virtually no tangible work/life distinction and really in general did not keep healthy habits and definitely was addictively using all tech from waking up until going to bed, and just convinced myself i was a night owl and had insomnia because sleeping issues run in my family due to secondary problems (ADD/ADHD with my dad, thyroid with my sister). While being a night owl is "fun" sometimes, i really made it into a long term lifestyle virtually every day since i first got out of high school, throughout college, and how years down the line that's caught up to me, with the inability to keep a regular sleep schedule or healthy daytime habits.
trying to fix this now has been to me more of a nightmare than living with much of the prior issues honestly. i have been trying serious CBT and been working to regiment my schedule into something healthier and it has been causing me crazy stress trying to do so, because i have this specter looming over me of sleepless psychosis again if i feel like if i fail. been trying to take serious steps to fix this including forcing myself to get out of bed early (trying to get it as early as 6-7am, currently getting up around 9 - down from originally 2-3pm+), move all tech out of my room, forced overall daily schedule regiment + sleep ritual, book a therapist, etc. got some prescription from my doctor as well who said to take it in case i go 2-3+ days without sleep again. been managing to get some sleep the past few days begrudingly; usually schedule involves stopping all activities around 10:00-10:30, getting in bed by 11:30, and then tossing and turning until I fall asleep around 12:30-1. been having insane trouble staying asleep though so i usually only sleep 1-3 hours at first, wake up, and then it takes another 20 minutes, then i usually sleep either another 3-4 hours or manage to sleep to just before my alarm (which ive been setting at 8-9). those hours leading up to and before i go to sleep though feel like genuine torture, sincerely one of the hardest times in my entire life

HITSLIKEDIETCOKE

3y

Why do you think it takes you so long to get to sleep? Obviously the tech use is one factor, but anything else?

krishna bound

3y

trying to fix your lifestyle after all your bad decisions catch up to you at once is really incredibly challenging. i think i actually preferred the days back when i was grinding out 20-30+ hour workdays to the situation i'm in now.
i was really living an unhealthy lifestyle for years and developed chronic insomnia and had a really bad bout recently of 2-3 nights of complete sleeplessness and crazy night-time anxiety and mood-swings.
leading up to this like i definitely forced myself to develop a n24 sleep disorder because i was working like 18+ hour days regularly then sleeping 7-8+ hours after taking 2-3+ hours to fall asleep each night, and supplementing like crazy and cycling between sleep supplements of which only really worked sometime anyway. i had virtually no tangible work/life distinction and really in general did not keep healthy habits and definitely was addictively using all tech from waking up until going to bed, and just convinced myself i was a night owl and had insomnia because sleeping issues run in my family due to secondary problems (ADD/ADHD with my dad, thyroid with my sister). While being a night owl is "fun" sometimes, i really made it into a long term lifestyle virtually every day since i first got out of high school, throughout college, and how years down the line that's caught up to me, with the inability to keep a regular sleep schedule or healthy daytime habits.
trying to fix this now has been to me more of a nightmare than living with much of the prior issues honestly. i have been trying serious CBT and been working to regiment my schedule into something healthier and it has been causing me crazy stress trying to do so, because i have this specter looming over me of sleepless psychosis again if i feel like if i fail. been trying to take serious steps to fix this including forcing myself to get out of bed early (trying to get it as early as 6-7am, currently getting up around 9 - down from originally 2-3pm+), move all tech out of my room, forced overall daily schedule regiment + sleep ritual, book a therapist, etc. got some prescription from my doctor as well who said to take it in case i go 2-3+ days without sleep again. been managing to get some sleep the past few days begrudingly; usually schedule involves stopping all activities around 10:00-10:30, getting in bed by 11:30, and then tossing and turning until I fall asleep around 12:30-1. been having insane trouble staying asleep though so i usually only sleep 1-3 hours at first, wake up, and then it takes another 20 minutes, then i usually sleep either another 3-4 hours or manage to sleep to just before my alarm (which ive been setting at 8-9). those hours leading up to and before i go to sleep though feel like genuine torture, sincerely one of the hardest times in my entire life

krishna bound

3y

Update on this. I had some trouble sleeping again yesterday, I didn't think I slept at all, but I remember dreaming, so I know I fell asleep for at least a little bit, I think maybe 1-2 hours or so. The issue I often find is i lay in bed for hours and I don't know if I slept or not unless I dream because time just passes but I feel like I'm a brick wall with my eyes closed; I can't tell if it's sleep misperception or if I'm actively not sleeping. I don't feel awful today but I do feel tired definitely, so I don't think I slept much outside of that 1-2 hour nap, maybe except for microsleeps or something - i often find that i can tell i'm falling asleep but i get anxious so my body doesn't fully let me. If I go another day without sleeping I'll probably try the trazodone i was prescribed tomorrow. I will likely try to use cbd and/or melatonin tonight since I've gone roughly 1-2 weeks without any supplements at this point. i've been trying to do CBT-I but it's torture to do correctly, i feel like i'm coming off of a benzo addiction with how hellish it is

aLIEN

3y

depression is my comfort zone

krishna bound

3y

was able to sleep okay finally at a decent time and on just 1 mg melatonin. it feels great waking up and actually having slept fine, which i feel like i haven't done in weeks prior, and at a normal time like 7-8am instead of what i was doing in the past and sleeping until like 2-3pm+. Hoping to keep this up again for the next few nights.

krishna bound

3y

really had a bizarre night last night for sleeping. must have fall asleep 6-8 times for 30 mins-1.5 hours each time, would wake up immediatedly after and toss and turn for 0.5-2 hours, then fall asleep again. I guess overall the 6-8 times adds up to about 5-7 hours, so I definitely got enough sleep overall, and I don't feel that tired. I don't know if I would have even realized I was sleeping except for the fact that I remember all of my dreams, so I definitely hit REM sleep.