Anxiety
The only state where awkwardness is a place of comfort

If it goes to smooth and my auto pilot switches off
F***, I'm damned
Imposter syndrome, overthinking etc

But when s*** goes down bad, dark,cringe or awkward
Its like i strive again, reality is back
My comfort zone is back
I dont have to overthink
Cause its such a natural state

What better feeling is there than coming up with endless deconstructive ideas and scenarios
Romanticizing those
And then actually Reliving that great anxious deja vus

Its the sort of toxic balance u need i guess

Just about had enough.

I need to see a doctor about trying cbt. Only thing that fees me from myself is self medicating

im really low

ive been dealing with self harm and chronic depression since elementary school, but from high school on, ive always had the self-efficacy to force the facade of normalcy in public

i just cant do anything anymore. dont work out, dont do skincare, dont care about how i dress, barely eat, cant fake smile. and i keep trying to jumpstart all of these things and get in good habits but nothing is working. ive felt like a corpse for like two years and it’s at its worst ever rn

@N2Deep i'm sorry to hear about this b. I know it's not the be all and end all, but are you working atm?

Wrong person lol

sorry for disturbing u bro 😅

@Serenity i'm sorry to hear about this b. I know it's not the be all and end all, but are you working atm?

yeah i have a steady job that pays me very well. it honestly might’ve contributed to this recent significant slump because it kinda removed my mental ideal that traditional success could reintroduce motivation to my life because it didn’t change anything for me

this happened to me when i had a steady job and the advice i can offer is that you need some real active hobbies to pursue outside of the workplace and get a couple and maybe experiment with something you ain't ever done before. i hope this helps 🙏

I don't even know.

Maybe I just can't agree

I don’t even know how to put in words my sadness anymore

2021 has just been awful and I feel so empty. Life is hopeless and unfair

I miss my mom

me too

the winter makes things way more difficult too the weather, temperatures, and overall atmosphere is a bummer.

Yeah I feel this bro, just kind of lay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing but scroll my phone and watch YouTube . Haven’t brushed my teeth today or nothing

ive finally managed to sleep well the past 2 nights again with no supplements. still keeping my psychiatry/therapy appointments for it though. hopeful that this was just a passing bout. i've made serious life changes and have been committed to CBT/CBT-I and I feel like it is making a genuine difference

the biggest misunderstanding of mental illness is that people think this is all your life is

most ppl when they think of mental illness they imagine someone unable to do anything and someone that gets a free pass for everything

but that coulddnt be further from the truth

in reality, we're in every place and situation a healthy person is.. only difference is we struggle for the mundane and when we need some sort of help, society's answer usually is something like ''I understand but....'' or ''tough s***, not my problem''

Life is really unfair man. The most important woman in my life. Just gone.

Worst feeling in the world

I get reminded of that terrible void every holiday

most things in life are -replaceable

but there's only one mother

we have to stay strong, our prosperity will make em proud

last night i had some issues again, although i did manage to sleep eventually in the night, albeit not for very long. I think I did sleep somewhat in the night but had sleep misperception basically. Going to probably try melatonin + white noise tonight, I'm trying not to let one bad night get me down since I was prior making really good progress and want to continue further down that route.

the world needs god more than ever

i give up.

I'm so burned out at this point, never felt like this before

I feel like I've been on autopilot for a min