damn bro

Wish I could turn time back

Too many wrong decisions

Hope my dream works out somehow

been having a huge existential crisis lately and nobody notices a thing

went a few months during lockdown just smoking and completely neglecting a exercise routine getting back in the swing of things has helped me a lil bit.

No fap doesn't do s***

Being the responsible one and reliable one is absolutely draining. I haven’t had a free moment in over a week and this was the one night I had a few hours to myself.

Now I gotta drive almost an hour to pick a friend up who got stranded after a wedding because he didn’t make adequate sleeping arrangements for an out of town wedding.

I’m f***ing tired.

i don’t even know what i’m doing anymore

Beginning of a spiral ?

Hopefully just a bad night.

Family turbulence is a huge trigger

My world was dark but you brought me to the light

i've become comfortable with feeling numb to s*** that supposed to hurt

just showing u half the mistakes i did will lead anyone to believe Im an awful person

I really think sometimes these mental deficiencies are just a result of all the wrong Ive done on this earth. Im not a good person and will never live certain things down. There are some things there is no fixing or forgiveness for.

Do you forgive yourself?

I dont

I know who I am now and that my intentions are pure, that I try to do right by everyone if possible and dont repeat any mistakes but some of the things Ive done, you cannot forgive I believe.

i feel the same way. i can't forgive myself for certain things so i've accepted them for what they are & as a part of me, fuel to improve you could say. ain't no forgiving or redeeming me

it's over

...

there is no way out

It actually does. Your mind is clearer when dont constantly jerk off

the hardest thing for me to do is accept my tragic reality

my whole life I've been running away from my problems

I just cant accept things like death and how pointless accomplishments are

at the end my body will disolve in dirt and dust and all the money and status in the world cant stop that from happening

some might say ''why not enjoy life while you can?''

that's the thing tho....

I dont know how to enjoy life, how to give and accept love or even how to enjoy things like food and sleep without feeling like all of the above are all pure maintenance chores

it's all pointless if you die alone and rot in a box

all I can do is have faith and be the best version of myself

d**** took a toll on me and my health has been totaly s*** for awhile now

when I was 17-18 going hard af on benders I told myself ''it's okay if I get sick in my 30s-40s'' but now that time caught up I cant believe how stupid I was and how trapped I am