Okay great!!!!!!

The investigation went okay, I have my disciplinary hearing on Monday, the original vibe I got from the manager after the investigation was good, however the letter I received didn't make for good reading. I messaged the investigating manager (who I get on with but annoyingly he won't be doing the hearing on Monday) and said to him although I think dismissal is incredibly unfair and unwarranted id like to know if that is what is going to happen so I can just resign rather than going through the hassle and stress of being dismissed, he said all I can say is don't resign, as he can't really tell me anything about the outcome the fact that he said that cryptically tells me that I won't get sacked otherwise he would tell me to just resign, so I feel as confident as I can feel in the circumstances going into the hearing on Monday. Regardless of what happens the worst case scenario is I lose my job, I don't like the management there and its overly stressful to work there anyway and it just pays the bills while I am doing my studies so I'll just find another job, hopefully I keep it though as I have some good friends there and I don't deserve to lose my job. I'm thinking more positively these days though, I lost a girlfriend who I loved due to her cheating and leaving me for someone else when I thought we had a life together, I am doing my studies in restricted unprecedented circumstances, I have had much loved pets pass away and my grandad is showing early signs of dementia, but through all of this I am still determined and surviving and making really good progress with my masters, I have learned to only worry about factors of life that I can control as it makes no sense to dwell on things I cant, and for all these reasons I feel proud, If I can get through this horrible year I can get through anything.

F***ing spiraling haven't talked to my therapist in weeks that's how I know I'm doing bad. If I'm talking to her I'm trying to work out and fix my problems. But I'm just isolating and self destructing now

I am experiencing mood swings frequently.

u ever been making progress and still struggling so damn bad so it just feels like pain pain pain through every step? No? me either

Im never good enough no matter how hard i try

Pressure in every direction

you'll bounce back bro
dont even trip

music.apple.com/ca/album/anything-you-need/905276496?i=905276626
song grew on me after a while. at first i didn't like the nintendo ass alarm thing going on but it really is a nice song. i'm happy i transitioned away from rap tbh

I’ve fixed the diet portion of my life atleast lmao.

Sleeping is another story. I will wake up before 12 (it’s 5 AM) and not sleep in till 3PM

I'm so worthless its crazy. Can i please die already. I don't bring anything positive to anyone whatsoever. Please let me die already

just cuz ur thinking that doesn't make it real, thoughts r not real unless u choose to believe them. hope u can find strength brother

Mission accomplished

I’m tired asf tho

My thoughts are def real unfortunately. I wish they were just delusions but they aren’t

I haven’t been able to get a therapy appointment since this whole lockdown s*** started and I’ve been trying to keep it together but I’m legit starting to lose it

I just need to talk it out but they won’t f***ing call me back it’s driving me nuts

There not you lie to yourself all the time. You cant change your circumstances but you can certainly change your perception of how you view things and how you react.

meditation, therapy, allowance and acceptance of thoughts, mindfulness, happiness over pleasure, freedom from societal ideas, taking control over technology and not letting it take control over me

Ayo my bipolar been going wild lately, haven't been to therapy basically since lockdowns started in March, it's rough out here but we gunna get through it fam

I'm really just floating get older and closer to death

Anyone else struggle with guilt at feeling how they feel when there are others going through worse in the world? It’s weird as I always tel other people to not look at things that way as our lives are independent, don’t all exist in a vacuum and we can still feel bad even if others have bad things to go through. Yet I don’t take my own advice and still feel bad the mind is a phenomenon.