days without psychosis and mental breakdown = 00

I snapped at someone close to me

almost broke my hand punching a door

so I tried talking and opening up but it just made me realise how lonely I really am

I had the urge to break every mirror cause I couldnt stand looking at my cold and lifeless shell

I lost interest in everything.....my fav music/movies/food.

by the time I came to my senses I was neck-deep in depression

no matter how many times I say this cant get any worse it somehow always does

Yeah this is still happening, I am literally switching between strong feelings of happiness and depression every 45mins or so with no clear reason why.

Sigh. Strongly debating if I need to get back on antidepressants. Literally almost exactly a year after I stopped.

man fuuuuuuuuuuck this is not what i needed rn

I mean I believe a lot of things people tell me. In fact sometimes I already know those things and they just reaffirm them for me. But being disciplined and following thru is a whole nother story.

I just wish I knew what comes after death. It bothers me everyday that we just dont know. Why must it be that way man ?

Kept my job fams, managers have been caught out for lying and trying to get me sacked. Got plenty of extra hours over Christmas now. Feel so much better, thanks for being there as always my KTT family

mood for this morning, if only i had the guts to do it

sexual frustration, bullying, andl lonliness got me in my feelings.

regret and addiction too

CONGRATS BROTHER

Another day, another chance to disappoint.

How’s things your end? You and your girl got past the tense phase where you were having little arguments?

we always gonna argue, but we they aren't as heated as they were the past week.

As all couples do, was it just flared up due to covid and being stuck indoors and your injury then you reckon?

I’m scared to go back to having to have a social life after the pandemic

We are really two completely different people at our core. We always butt heads over stupid stuff like going out to dinner and not doing enough. We are both hard headed af and can be very stubborn.

But she has really had a horrible year and lately its really been destroying her confidence lately.

So worthless

Getting out of that relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me, i feel at peace with myself. a year and some months of a constant emotional rollercoaster. i can't help but be angry as f*** at times for all the s*** i let slide, all the s*** i forgave... and i can't help but feel so f***ing defeated & sad like b**** u was my best friend and i thought u were the realest person; nobody came before u, so many ppl came before me doe!!! i guess i'm hurt? lol i guess i am, probably bitter... probably the first time i've ever felt genuine hate for another person....

But, a nigga mostly blessed & at peace when i look at the bigger picture. i can really focus on myself, get my mental health where it needs to be and just glow how i'm supposed to, everything will be okay... in a month or so i won't feel this way about her. in due time i'll be able to forgive her and continue my life with no hate & hurt in my heart on my own. The future is bright but for now it's time to let emotions run their course and let time do what it will. Thank You universe for finally getting her out of my life, only the lord knows how much i needed that.

i really need to push myself to try therapy again

Stay strong my man, the first week is the hardest. It’s going to be so many mixed emotions, you’re gonna go through the spectrum lol. But once that 3rd week and month hit, it’ll get easier and easier.

Losing someone you were deeply involved with is never easy. Just gotta focus on yourself now.

I experienced the most heartbreak in my life this year and at times was downright depressed, and that’s excluding ptsd. But it’s been a hell of a year, I hate to say it but maybe the best in my life. I feel bad saying that cause it wasn’t like that for everyone

I’ve still got to fill that one big puzzle piece of finding a s/o whose down for me like I’ll be for them. Then to me, it’s just time to enjoy the rest of life ive accomplished all my goals

dawg I really think I might do myself in